The Hitchhiker's Hotel Herms and Honditions.
Created | Updated Aug 18, 2004
1. Definitions
For the purposes of discombobulation, this entry will refer to the Hitchhiker's Hotel as 'Wardrobe', for obvious reasons.
The staff of the Wardrobe will be referred to as 'feet', or, if appropriate, by their respective names or aliases.
The code 'bananas' is defined as the rooms within the Wardrobe.
So for example, instead of saying that the rooms in the Hotel are managed by the staff, this document would say that the bananas in the Wardrobe are managed by the feet.
2. Warnings
Before continuing to read, it is strongly recommended that you close all other operations that you may be doing.
Whilst enduring your happy stay in the Wardrobe, visitors are asked to observe the following practices, which will ensure an even happier stay:
- Please do not attempt to change the menu for the restaurant or the diner; this is the job of our expert chef, Reddyfreddy.
- Kindly refrain from ringing the bell in the Reception more than three times consecutively, as this can wake the leopard who lives inside the counter.
- In light of recent unpleasantries, please do not, even in life or death circumstances, attempt to morph any item of furniture into the shape of a small mammal, especially if it is to annoy a member of feet.
- Entrance to the kitchen by any persons other than the chef or the feet is spefically frowned upon.
- It is imperative that all visitors enjoy the view; failure to do so may result in fractious glares.
- When attending the deluxe swimming pool, please read the warning signs and observe them at all times. The warning signs can be found at the end of the underwater secret passage, which can be accessed by pushing the most central underwater pool tile. Please note that the trapdoor to the secret passage is on a timer and will automatically close itself if left open for more than six seconds.
- Ball games are not permitted in the ballroom, whatever its name suggests.
- Theft from the Wardrobe is strictly prohibited, especially by thieves and the like.
3. Guidelines
Please could all staff add TheHHHManagement to their Friends list so that we can monitor all of the feet working for the Wardrobe. Thank you.The upkeep of 'continuity' in the threads is of paramount priority. Please describe locations that are created as fully as possible to prevent a breach of threadiquette.
Rental of the bananas in the Wardrobe is provided 'as is', with no warranty, be it expressed or implied, and thus the feet cannot be held liable for any damage, whether accidental or otherwise, that may, or may not, occur or be incurred upon any or all of those people partaking in the said action.
Payment for banana rental can be in cents and pandas only; we do not accept cheques, e-money, book tokens, chocolate, or antique goods as payment.
When a researcher visiting the Wardrobe books a banana, it is their responsibility to start a new conversation for that banana; although a foot or two may help carry your luggage to the banana, depending on how they are feeling.
Laughter at the Herms and Honditions is strictly prohibited.
4. Currency at the HHH World
Currency denominations are given below in the 'Worldwide Food Web (WFW)' currency system. If you wish to see the conversion rates between any of these currencies to your own national currency, you will need to contact us for a quote.
- 6 *
= 1 - 2 * = 1
- 4 * = 1
- 4 * = 1
- 4 * = 1
- 12 * = 1
- 3 * = 1
- 42 * = 1
To use currency here, put the name of the animal as given above within triangular braces. This will insert a smiley of that animal and will then be an acceptable monetary unit.
Salaries
Unless specially agreed, all members of staff will receive
in wages every week. Salaries are paid on demand. It is the responsibility of the feet to request their wages, unless a member of the management or the HAZAAA (Hotel's Administrator for Administrative and Accounting Affairs) specifically remembers to pay the said foot. Please note that the cannot be paid as half a .Room Prices
Single room1
-
Double room2
-
Simple suite 3
-
Large suite 4
-
- Or
Master suite 5
-
- Or
Wedding suite 6
-
- Or
President suite 7
-
- Or
- Or
5. Staff
42. Conclusory Remarks
The feet reserve the right to alter the goods and services provided by the Wardrobe at any time; and this document may be altered at the sole discretion of the feet (pun intended).
Any unauthorised copying, re-distributing, re-selling, decompiling, de-misting, destroying, defining, explaining, mocking, breathalysing, scandalising, compartmentalising, scanning, fanning, panning, tanning, fighting, injuring, admitting, conscripting or fork-lifting of the Wardrobe or this document, or knowing of anyone doing any of these things, either in part or in full, is very naughty.
Please sign here.
1With shower or bathtub2With shower and bathtub3a bedroom and a sitting room; bathroom with shower and bathtub4two bedrooms and a sitting room5three bedrooms, a study and a sitting room 6one bedroom with a heartshaped bed…7four bedrooms, a study, a sitting room and a dining room8If any.9Hotel's Administrator for the Zone of Administrative and Accounting Affairs.10If any.
