h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...just like to add the following points about Volvos.

Not all Volvos are driven by old people wearing flat caps, as some middle-management types now like to have some of the faster Volvo cars when choosing their company vehicle. The Volvo estates are particularly popular with execs who have three children to consider.
There is a common myth that Volvos are always slow. This is not the case. Modern Volvos are quite fast vehicles, but sadly, with the exception of one or two, most Volvo drivers are not fast drivers. I always know that it's going to a long journey home down the A4010 when there's a Volvo in front. It seems that Volvo drivers take a different test to everyone else in the UK, one where they're taught that the national speed limit is 40mph instead of 60. Also, it would appear that much like many models of BMW, Audi and Mercedes, air-conditioning is fitted as standard but indicators (turn signals), however, are not. This is somewhat perplexing as the physical equipment required for such signals appears to be present on all makes, but only ever seems to work as the hazard lights (read: Free-parking lights if you drive a Volvo, Audi, BMW, Mercedes or any kind of goods vehicle).
Volvo drivers also seem to attract animosity from the biker population. I'm not quite sure why. I think it's because Volvos are notorioulsy "tank-like" in that they're made of of strong stuff and probably hurt more for a biker to smash into. Since I managed not much more than throwing myself over the handlebars of a motorcycle the first (and last) time I tried to ride one, I'm not likely to ever know why this hatred exists, but it does. In fact, I've seen a fair few coloumn inches in "Bike" magazine devoted to ridiculing the Volvo and it's drivers.
One theory as to why Volvo drivers are considered to be quite bad is because they *know* their cars are likely to come out better off than any other vehicle they might collide with, and so are less worried about small things like hitting another vehicle because they dont feel so vulnerable. Volvos are probably one of the safest cars you can get - unless you drive to Biker Bars or Hell's Angels meetings, in which case a Volvo is not a safe mode of transport to use.
Anyhow, this comment is getting far too big, so I'm going to leave it like that.

One point which just has to be made is that Volvo drivers are thick on the ground here in Wales. That is because a Volvo is the only car which can carry a full sized harp!!
The A470 (main route between north and south Wales) is jam packed with Volvos during the first week of August (huge cultural event in Welsh calendar; The National Eisteddfod takes place first week of August), making Volvos as popular on the road as JCBs, Tractors and Caravans!

My father is fond of saying that the Volvos are (and I quote) "tanks for the average citizen". I think I have to agree with him, if you want to feel safe on the road then the obvious choice is a Volvo or a Monster truck.

The previous posting appears to have had a large number of words accidentally appended to it; it should have read simply: "One point which just has to be made is that Volvo drivers are thick."

I had the 2.5 20-v SE Auto, 177BHP. I drove it at, er, spirited speeds.

I remember seeing a (minor) collision between a Porsche and a Volvo.
And which came of worse? The Volvo of course - because it's full of 'crumple zones' (other than the central cage of course).

Depends on the age of each, of course. I once saw a Volvo which had been hit head-on by another car which was overtaking on a blind bend. The other driver was killed, the Volvo driver walked away. The engine was under the car, the bonnet had a 45 degree bend in it, but the driver opened the door and walked away.

Another racial benefit for the older, larger Volvos is that they can take a full load back from the synagogue with everyone wearing their hats - take a look next time you're in Finchley.

I agree with the other posts about the smug nature of Volvo drivers - I've had four so I can also speak from experience that you feel thoroughly cocooned inside all that Swedish steel.

However, once you get a better-handling Volvo, you start driving it properly again, rather than the boulevard cruising attitude adopted by little old ladies of both sexes.

And yes, the plod DO pull Volvos over, especially now that younger drivers are able to buy and run the T5s and T5-Rs that have up to now been out of their price range.

The marque has even attracted the attention of the seriously silly customising brigade, so you know that it's gaining some form of street cred.

Apparently there are so many Volvos in Golders Green that they are going to have to build a passover....

I just wanted to come back to this conversation, one year to the day (spooky!) to say that I have recently had a rather large volvo estate embedded in the back of my car. As I was stood still in traffic, the volvo hit my Calibra at an estimated 30-40mph. The really ironic thing, is that I'd only just got my car back on the road 9 hours earlier, after the last rear-end smash.
Once I've got the back of my car fixed (again), I plan to buy a very big tow-bar and a bumper sticker which reads something along the lines of "I shoot every third person to smash the back of this car. The second one just left", or maybe one that reads "put the bloody phone down and watch where you're going!!".

Points made in this entry: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A222896

OOps, replying to wrong post. Soooorrreeeeee