h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A very good explanation of curiosity; but it leads on to the necessary question: what do you then do when you actually break the thing you were playing with?

Hypothetically speaking, let's say I was playing with my parents' new coffee machine. And yes, I was curious to know how it worked. So I unscrewed the filter part and from this I learnt absolutely nothing. Obviously. But when I went to put it back together - hypothetically - it wouldn't quite fit, and now the machine makes some funny hypothetical noises and the coffee tastes like hypothetical shite.

What would you do? (Hypothe - oh, forget it.)

Lie and take it back to the shop and strop for your country at the person behind the counter. Make enough noise and they will exchange it just to shut you up.

That's true actually, especially if you get the youngest looking shop assistant, and use terms like "Consumer Guarantees Act," "Fairgo" and "Target." Generally if someone did that to me on the shop floor, in front of lots of customers, I would go and get the manager and they would probably cave in quick as, just to keep you happy. But then maybe that's just where I work. Good luck.

Either that, or place it thru the stress test at home (read: Drop it off the roof). Then put it back in the box with all the packaging (also broken) and say that it was like that when your parents opened it, as it was a gift. It is a lot easier to believe that some idiot sat on it in the warehouse than that it was improperly assembled at the factory. Regards, Tim

It is like the time I scraped the side of my step father's pride and joy - an ancient but immaculate Porsche - on the gate post. I claimed some one had done it in a car park..... I feel really bad perhaps I should own up. No - I value life.

at least you're not as bad as my sister - she has just announced that she has "lost" a ball dress that I lent her four years ago. I should point out that she is in her early thirties, and I am going to a ball tomorrow night. And it was very expensive and irreplacable. So sister dearest is not very popular, but she would have been so much more popular if she had owned up about it considerably earlier than three days before the ball. To her credit she has offered to buy me something else, but there just isn't time now.

One of my friends suggested I take her to the Disputes Tribunal, but then I don't think I'd get to see my little niece anymore.

I am actually quite curious as to how you "lose" or "throw out" (her other defence) a NZ$385 full length green velvet ball dress that you don't own. Any suggestions?

Thanks everyone for the wonderful suggestions. Although problem solved - I saw my Dad today and he "really likes the new blend". Idiot.

As to losing a ball dress, I can only suggest that your sister used it to clean the awkward bits of her hubcaps. I'm always using the wrong rag to do that, and whatever you use is irretrievably damaged. Have you considered making a new one using toilet paper and Christmas lights?

That is such a boy's suggestion - honestly the thing about black tie is that boys only have to wonder about which "bow tie / cummerband / waistcoat...... oh go on then I will wear the black." Where as the fairer sex have to think up a whole new outfit and contend with sisters who probably tore it up for dusters.

I am intrigued how she lost it though - do you think there is a Bermuda Triangle style void in her wardrobe?

Actually I think you'll find that ball attire is nearly as difficult for guys:

"I'd like a tuxedo for the weekend please"
"Certainly sir - what type?"
"Uh - do you still do those light blue ones with frilly shirts?"
"No sir; I suggest you try the Salvation Army"
"Oh well, just give me a black one then."
"And what style do you like?"
"Style? Er... what did James Bond wear?"
"Which Bond, sir?"
"Well Connery of course, don't be ridiculous"
"Certainly sir - that would be the Monte Carlo. And your sizes?"
"SizeS?"
"Neck, waist, leg..."
"Oh forget it - I'll make my own out of toilet paper and Christmas lights"

That is the sound of my sobbing my little heart out for you - I was sooooo moved by your emotive description of the horrors of shopping

I must say that I very intrigued by the thought of men in nothing but toilet paper and Christmas lights That should keep me quiet for a bit.

Some years ago I was in the T.A. - 89 Signal Squad, 35th Signal Regiment (Bless 'em). I was the first female radio relay technician in the regiment. The sergeant (I think) in charge of us technicians took the attitude: 'If it's broken, play about with it to your heart's content. Do whatever you like to find the problem. It's already broken, so you can't make it any more so.' Fortunately I didn't have to put this philosophy to the test too much.

And these are the people that are supposedly protecting us? You have to hope that this same attitude isn't taken by those with the capability to launch nuclear weapons. Or even to drive cars, come to think of it.

Hey I like that idea - it has many applications for my life. I think that I might go out and see what I can mess with. If you mess long enough you might just come up with the answer!

I wonder if she loaned it to a friend, who then lost it, destroyed it, or had it torn from her lustful body by a bloke dressed in toilet paper and Christmas lights.

If it isn't broken you don't get an excuse to learn how to fix it, so when it breaks again you don't know how to fix it, so....why not break it first and get a head start.

I think the Bermuda Triangle theory could have real application here - she also "lost" a pair of trousers i lent her eight years ago for two whole years and when they did reappear they needed serious drycleaning. so i drycleaned them so that i could wear them so she promptly borrowed them back before i could wear them myself and they have not been seen since.


The worst thing is i have never borrowed any of her clothes, even though younger sisters are supposed to steal their elder siblings' stuff. Oh except for the dress made out of toilet paper and christmas tree lights. I still haven't given that baby back.

You know that is exactly what I said to the guy from our IT department when he arrived to find me attacking my recalcitrant printer with a hammer.

Maybe a quick application of teflon tape to the doors of your closet would keep her from opening it. Your clothes would be forever safe! Unless she discovers the awful truth - that only frying pans stick to the stuff and you could use one to open the door

I just thought you ought to know that there is absolutely no chance of the scrape I inflicted on my step father's ancient but immaculate Porsche being discovered. Some one drove into last week and wrote it off - suddenly the scrape doesn't seem so bad after all!

Phew! As long as it wasn't you who wrote it off(no casting of aspersions upon your driving ability intended).