h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have often been wondering, why many women feel that they have to "teach" their man, to change him into a more civilised person, and not the opposite, men teaching women their views of keeping a house. I quote the article:

"I am slowly teaching him that on my side of the galaxy husbands had better get their backsides a-cleaning or else..."

"I've been married for four years now and I do see quite an improvement in my husband."

I agree that the woman's point in many cases is the more correct one, but does that mean that the man is wrong? Again, cite the toilet seat issue: the woman wants the lid down, the man up -- the right answer is down. Why?

It seems that the female can dominate the household by constantly requiring his companion to improve, learn, evolve from monkey to man. Why do we (yes, I am of the weaker sex) let this happen? Why do we feel inferior?

Comments please.

Torakka

I think it's a social thing. It comes from a time where Men were Gentlemen and opened doors for Ladies. It's just in this case of the toilet seat, we close a door for her instead.

The teaching thing? Erm... well, men in my opinion have a lot to learn about just being more selfless and gentile (yes I'm Male). Why? That's harder to justify except to say most of the time its about just being fair. Why should females do all the cleaning, cooking, etc? There's absolutely nothing, except social constraints, to say that women are better at this than men. Sure, fine needle work etc which requires great dexterity, is just easier for women because they're built for it (evolutionarily speaking). But that makes up a minority of the chores which men seem to think is 'womans work'.

If men were still out hunting, gathering food and doing physically exhausting stuff all day to provide for the family, then a woman doing the other work seems fair. But in this day and age a woman works just as hard as a man to bring in the bread (usually). Yet for some reason a few men still hold on to the idioms of an arcane era. Moreover, some women do too as it makes them 'feel like a woman'. That's just social brainwashing if you ask me.

I think women, when they 'teach' men, are really just trying to bring them into the modern era.

Im 6'4" stooping over ironing boards or bending to use vacuum cleaners hurts by back after a while. To me cleaning my place is something I do when there are no plates left to eat off and I cant remember the colour of the carpet.

Liz appears to love cleaning and women I know seem more interested in keeping their space clean, tidy and smelling nice than men I know. I would never make out its womans work to clean. I dont expect Liz to wash up when I cook but she hates to see dirty dishes lying around. So I just let her get on with it, why swim against the tide?

I certainly agree that more often than not, women are doing the teaching b/c it's the men (generally, mind you) who are hanging on to more old-fashioned ideas about who should cook and clean.

Another interesting point to note, though, is that in more modern (in terms of division of labour) homes, men and women are both doing teaching, but often in different ways. Ex: I live with my boyfriend and when I wish for him to learn something, I tend to tell him about it. When he wishes me to learn something, he tends to just show me (I don't mean pantomimie, rather, that he just *does* what it is he wants me to learn). Both are forms of teaching, though what I do- talking about it- is the more verbal, and, hence, more often recognized as teaching.

Women prefer to clean? Really? I HATE CLEANING! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! I'm with Quentin Crisp when he said, re the fact he never dusted "I find that after ten years it stops getting any worse." But, even I feel that food is best cooked in clean pans (I like cooking) and that dirty bathrooms and unwashed up washing up is smelly and unhygenic. My Other Half is not over keen on cleaning either, but he's more eager than I am. Very untypical female, or are all these stereotypes B******s?

Why? Because we'd be impossible to live with, otherwise. I have no pride, so I'll be easy to train.

~gareis

Hear hear!

I hate cleaning as well! But, like you, my concern for hygiene and sanitation prevail.

I think gender-related stereotypes are generally a crock of ****. I do believe that some stereotypes originate from a kind of generic truth (i.e. where there's smoke there's fire, or at least a few people puffing on cigarettes), but I believe they stop holdong any truth waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before most people realize it.

I think women try to change men because they think they can. It's like that saying: "A woman marries a man expecting him to change and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she does."

I have to make a very conscious effort to look for things that need to be cleaned when I'm staying with my girlfriend. Otherwise I revert to your basic stereotypical male slob, who sits around neither cooking nor cleaning. I wish it was more natural for me, but it isn't so I try to be self-vigilant. I have hope though, that if I ever actually share a place with someone, the principal of shared ownership will make it easier for me (I manage to keep my own place pretty clean). I'm hoping that I'm just not inherently a chauvinist pig

I am a woman and a recovering wretched housekeeper. Sharing a living space with others helped me change those habits a bit, and now that I've some space of my own, I find that those changed habits carry over. I.e., I'm much better about doing dishes, washing clothes, clearing away clutter, etc. So don't fret - there's hope!

Most of my roommates over the years have been very male males, and while I've never ONCE complained about the position of the toilet seat, finding beard stubble in the sink has always been a problem for me. It looks gross, it sticks too well to the porcelain, and...well, it just looks gross! Can anyone shed some light on a) why men do that and b) how I can politely get one to stop? That is, without sounding like a fretful, shrewish woman?

my experience is that no matter how hard I try, I always miss a bit of beard stubble when I trying to clean up after a shave. It gets everywhere - I think this has to do with the fact that it is usually somewhat "oily" (in the scientific sense, not the hygienic) and this causes it to spread out in water.

I think the best hope is to just politely point it out, and make a policy of doing a thorough sink cleaning after each shave.

Me personally, I'm a tidy person but I dont believe in keeping things obscenely clean. We NEED to be exposed to bacteria in order to develop and strengthen our immune system! Ever wonder why todays youth gets sick all the time? Sterile environments, all it takes is one nasty germ and they are floored!

I've lived with a few women in my time, and the seat thing has never been an issue for me. I did what one of the women mentioned on this topic, went to the bathroom in the dark expecting the seat to be down, and sat on the cold porcelain (well actually i almost fell in the damn thing). Havent left the seat up since then.. LOL

As for cooking and dishwashing, I like cooking and in most of the relationships I've been in, I have been the cook. They get to do the dishes and set the table beforehand. Sometimes we'd swap around and they'd cook, while I did the setting & washing up.

Laundry we'd do 'together' alternating, one would load, the other hang, one retrieve, the other fold and put away (or individually put their own stuff away).

When with a partner, grocery shopping is best done together. In a couple of relationships we'd assemble the 'basic' list, of all the general stuff we needed for the house (detergent, toothpaste etc) so we had all the essentials covered and no "you didnt remind me... "

Keep a pad by the phone, take messages and leave them by the phone. Messages put elsewhere tend to disappear (or wind up in the wash if you put them in your pocket), so if they are all in the one place, you cant miss them.

Work a 'rough' schedule, nothing set in stone because 'things' happen. It used to be my job to clean the bathroom once a week, the choice of day or time was up to me. Also I've often found that women absolutely HATE cleaning the bathroom, so its a good leverage point to get out of something you hate doing. "I'll wash the bathroom if you do the vacuuming and dusting" you'd be surprised how many women will jump at that, some even hate 'the bathroom' so much that they will often offer to do an extra chore as well!!! It all balances out in the end though oddly enough, so nobody whines about the other doing more or less...

All of this is my experience of living with women, it may work for you, it may not..

For what it is worth my advice is never move in with someone who has not lived BY THEMSELVES for at least six months. If they can't manage in their own company they will never manage with yours.

Similarly it teaches you that if you don't wash that glass no body else will - nobody else made it dirty while your back was turned. You also get to clean your own toilet (it is your mess, not partially yours) and no body else will cook for you.

Mind you, it is expensive in big cities. But it is a great teller of character.

You put the toilet seat (and lid) down so the cat doesn't fall in, the dog doesn't drink and your mother-in-law's surprise visit doesn't turn into a toilet cleaning critique.

My humans have very differentiated roles by choice. She prefers to cook and clean and hates to mow lawn and shovel snow. He prefers the outdoors and hates to clean. If either of them choose not to do their job for a while the other knows their options: live with it or fix it yourself but never, never nag. Seems to work for them. They're happy.

Why ?
Because someone has to, and their Mum did not finish the job !...

Seriously.

Connie L.

Why? Because they are better communicators............
I didn't talk to my lady for six months! I didn't want to interupt!!!!!!! Couldn't resist that.........love you all

I do pretty much all the cleaning at my parents house now because I don't have a job so that's how I avoid paying rent to them. I've got really protective over it, I don't like other people doing things because I want to do it my way.

The area I fall down on is cooking, I'm not very good with that, I get too nervous to cook things because I don't want to poison anyone, I hate cooking meat because I don't want to under cook it. All I can really do is deserts, I like doing them, I guess it's harder to poison someone with a desert, unless you use bad eggs in your egg custard or something.

If I lived with someone I would do the washing and cleaning as long as they helped keep it tidy, like putting dishes in the dishwasher or picking towels up off the bathroom floor and put their dirty clothes in the washing basket (although my parents have been married 28 years and my Dad still can't manage that), pick up things they spilled etc. I'll keep it clean but I'm not picking up after them.