h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Condensed from a rambling blog post]

Over the past few months, I've noticed my mood, my self-image and my general state of mental well-being getting worse and I think this is down to some destructive mental habits I've developed.

I find it very, very hard to accept a compliment. I someone gives one, there is a loud voice inside that says “yes, maybe, but…” For example, if someone tells me they enjoyed a performance of mine, I immediately draw up a mental list of reasons why they are wrong, a list of people who could have done it better and probably a list of reasons why that person is biased, ill-informed or otherwise not the best person to make that judgement. This extends to other areas of my life as well. I am very quick to decide that things are my fault, frequently call myself stupid and tend to say “I can’t do this” at least once every day. I am always perhaps too aware of the need for improvement in my theatrical endeavours, of failings in my professional life, of ways in which I am socially awkward, and I have a tendency to look in the mirror and despair.

It has been pointed out to me many times that all of this is not healthy, particularly for someone with a history of mental illness. Recently, a peculiar combination of a few blows to my ego from external sources and a surge in unsolicited encouragement has convinced me that I need to do something about it.

It’s a little late for New Year’s Resolutions, so I’m starting small with a New Week’s Resolution. For the next seven days, I am not allowed to say anything negative about myself, or utter the words “I can’t do this”. I’m not sure how well I’ll manage, even for just seven days, and I know it won’t transform my life instantly, but I’m pretty sure that it will help. Maybe not saying these things will mean that I think them less as well. Other steps are obviously going to be needed for long-term change, but this is, at the very least, a start.

Whatever encouragement you decide to give yourself, make sure to say it out loud.

And write it down.

And try to create a 'song' or mantra that you repeat to yourself (quietly) each day.

My current mantra when exiting the tube station each morning is 'I am slender, in shape and sure-footed' (due to rather slippery conditions).

Well, so far I've lost 3 cm in waist and I'm no longer tippy-toeing my way across frozen pavements. In shape? Well, all things in moderation.

I'd like to recommend a book unless you've read it already: 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari'

Oh, and the book isn't really one of those confidence builders, it's more about taking control of your life and make it into what you want it to be. There are several practical exercises in it that I find to be quite interesting.

By the way, have you read this Edited Entry? A841358

I like the mantra idea. Any sort of reinforcement like that or creative visualization is helpful.

Even though it is difficult for you to accept compliments, you need to learn how to respond graciously. The truth is, dear friend, you are a very bright, talented man with a great personality and a warm, gentle nature. All of us consider ourselves lucky to have you for a friend. That's not BS. It's a statement of fact.

I think we're always harder on ourselves than we are on our friends. So maybe you could start giving yourself the same amount of slack you give the rest of us.

You can be successful with this. You just have to believe it, and it will happen.

What Hyp said

Tonight was a rehearsal night (nothing unusual there!). I messed up a couple of times (which was less than some people ), but instead of berating myself I acknowledged the errors, made a joke of them, agreed that making them now means I won't make them in performance and smiled happily when told that my second duet was the best we'd done it so far.

If I adopt a mantra, it is likely to be from the Bible. I have often thought it would be good to learn more of it, so this would be a very good reason to do so. There are many encouraging verses about worth and value. I ought to learn some and drill them into my brain.

I do definitely think that writing encouraging things down is a great idea (but maybe best not to let anyone else see it!). I almost always carry around paper and pen, anyway, so I have no excuse not to.

Many years ago, on the last day of a w*rk-related course, we were asked write our name at the top of a sheet of paper and leave it on our desk. We were then told to write at least one positive thing on everyone else's paper.

The comments varied from rather non-specific 'you are smart' to more detailed ones from people I had worked on a specific project with.

One woman was usually very quiet 'in class', so I hadn't gotten much of an impression of her. Then I remembered that she had a lovely smile (she smiled only rarely, but it was one of those radiant ones) so I wrote that on her sheet.

It's a very nice list, and I take it out now and then. Once in a while I'll put it up on my fridge.

Hey! We should make such a list for David!

OK, copy the text below and add at least one comment of your own. Next person copies previous person's post and adds to it. David can then print it out whenever he wants.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

DAVID

Talented

DAVID

Talented

Dedicated

DAVID is

Talented

Dedicated

Gentle and Kind

Has a great sense of humour

DAVID is

Talented

Dedicated

Gentle and Kind

Has a great sense of humour

Patient

DAVID is

Talented

Dedicated

Gentle and Kind

Has a great sense of humour

Patient

Intelligent and Thoughtful

DAVID is

Talented

Dedicated

Gentle and Kind

Has a great sense of humour

Patient

Intelligent and Thoughtful

Knowledgeable

DAVID is

Talented

Dedicated

Gentle and Kind

Has a great sense of humour

Patient

Intelligent and Thoughtful

Knowledgeable

Versatile and always willing to learn new skills

Ooops, just realized the list should be points with 'you are', let me correct that.

DAVID

You are Talented

You are Dedicated

You are Gentle and Kind

You have a great sense of humour

You are Patient

You are Intelligent and Thoughtful

You are Knowledgeable

You are Versatile and always willing to learn new skills

DAVID

You are Talented

You are Dedicated

You are Gentle and Kind

You have a great sense of humour

You are Patient

You are Intelligent and Thoughtful

You are Knowledgeable

You are Versatile and always willing to learn new skills

You are Endearing

DAVID

You are Talented

You are Dedicated

You are Gentle and Kind

You have a great sense of humour

You are Patient

You are Intelligent and Thoughtful

You are Knowledgeable

You are Versatile and always willing to learn new skills

You are Endearing

You are considerate of other's feelings