h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Smart a**.
I like that in a Tart!

Greetings Tarts & Lurkers alike.
Todays Service will be on the cycle of the 'woman'.
...*passes out trays of ...*
When you are safely growing in your mama's womb...your sex is determined...doesn't mean ya' gotta' stick with it, if you know what I mean, an' I know you do Well, those of us born 'women' have a monthly cycle. It's only natural. It pains us. Costs us money and spoils SOME scocial events. Today I am cycling through the World... So to speak. And it's a b*tch!
So get outta' my way...I want the hard booze and a darkened room. See?! It's only natural.

That concludes todays service. The Moral To The Story Being:
ing LIVE WITH IT!!!!!Oh, Thanks for coming...and ing leave SOMEthing in the collection plate on your ing way out!
Mood swings...It's ONLY natural!

*leaves some feminine products and an extra bottle of Johnson's Baby Valium in the dish for Pan*

Batty!!!

I feel soo much bett

If it's any consolation I was suffering right along with you...

I never knew it was contagious!
...*shares her tippy bottle...*

Must be... *takes a mighty swig from the tippy bottle* Thanks..

Anytime. Why is it soooo hard for a man to understand a woman's moods?
...*takes another pull on her tippy...passes it back to Batty...*
You know......if we put this in a brown paper bag and roll down the sides...this would be alot like old time'sake.

Why Batty!!! You've got that "been there, done that" look about you!

See...that's why I have such a wonderful reputation. I'm honest. Honest!
Of course...that was back before I owned nice stem wear.

...*arrives a day early and a dollar short......makes the Service appear on a huge chalk board...: Welcome to The Church Of The Born Again Tarts. (b.a.t.s. for short)
Today I will explain who to appear realitively sobar even when you're three sheets to the wind. Er, I mean, a wee tipsy.
When needing to leave the table...it's a really good idea to weave between other tables and chairs whenever possible...you have the backs of the chairs on which to steady yourself. Just be very careful NOT to ... best write this down. ...do NOT run your elbow through someone's mashed potatoes! And IF you DO?!
Be certain to take a different route back to your table.
It happened to meCuz noone ever taught me to stagger gracefully! My poor mama nearly wasted her money when she sent me to Charm School. Luckily, even though I was never taught, formally, only didacticly...I would have been glad had someone warned me about elbows and mashed potatoes. And I quiet imagine the fellows whos 'taters ended up on my arm might have been pleased as well.

Thassssss it for Tarts and lurkers alike. 'Ave a good one! Or more. Help yourselves to the refreshments.

Okay...so I got stoned an' I missed it...anyone wanna' make sumthin' outta' it? I thought not.

hold the e's...mac is still ed up!

Welcome! Today the Service shall consist of one word...more or less: Paint Ball.
Learn to play...you'll be sourrounded in the woods by big strong sweaty men...

Wha'?
What more need I say? Now get out there and kick some butt!Haaaalp yourselves!

*joins the tart brigade*

Oooh!! Paint ball wars... <>

Welcome, B&R! I see you found the link..

yup guess there is hope for me yet....

yup guess there is hope for me yet....

And already too to keep from double posting I see.. You'll fit right in!!!