h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tonight, it will broiled salmon steak, with lime and cucumber dressing!

Possibly some tender snow peas to accompany the entree, but the jury is out at the moment.............

What I need is a jolly good burst of exercise.....I chase probably have chase the neighbour's cat, again!

(Cat, 0-30mph = 4 secs; me - ohh, about a decade and a half!)

If you get bored you can come over and try herding my chicken. She certainly gives the neighbor's dalmation a good work out now and then.. she knows just where the poor dumb dog's electronic fence is and enjoys getting the pooch in a lather then getting her to zap herself whilst in hot pursuit!

Brings a whole new meaning to the question, 'Why did the chicken cross the invisible dog fence?' doesn't it?

Certainly does. Each time we hear the dalmation yelp we can hear the chicken in the holly tree cackling her head off.. sadistic bird.

Someone call for a sadistic bird?

...*turns slowly...*

As you can see by my long red gown, pointed hat and flames from my pointed nails...this year *I*, Pandora, Born Again Tart IS: THEMOTHEROFTHEDEVIL
...*tries to curtsy causing flames to ignite the ceiling...*
I would have been here sooner but I was caught in Purgatory, Traffic was hell. I LOVED it!
Well? Now evewryone knows who themotherofthedevil is; she's a real *itch.

ah.. my ex-mother-in-law...

Oooh! REAL flames! Roast Dubya, anyone? (I think that our friends in the UK should build an extra-large bonfire on November 5th, and rather than a Guy Fawkes figure on top, they should offer Dubya a warm, cosy seat!)

I am delighted to see the return of the the fair Pandora. (Bows low, in the direction of the beauteous one)

Thank you oh strange one. Glad to be seen
...*whispers...*i'd curtsy but I can barely breath in this get up as it is.
The gown may have to get up & go before the clock strikes midnight on the 31st.What we do for fashion. Ooooo I'd like a nice old fashion right now!...*clicks her fingers and a Pilgrim appears...* This
damned gown is throwing my spells off kilter.
...*peers at the pilgrim...*He seems to be breathing! Not TOO old fashioned for me after all...

I'm either gonna' haveta' get a new kilter or split the gown higher as well as lower. What ta' do - what ta' do...Ooooo I know what ta' do!! Let's all have mores!

You know, Pandora, it would be much easier to breathe if you didn't lace your corset up until your ribs met..

Ohhhhhhhhhh!! *trembling, like a pointer, pointing!*

Madam Pandora's split - to the thigh - dress is Sooooooooooooooo....!

Mind you, if she coughs, I won't know where to stare first!

I think I'm falling in lust!

What again??? You may need to start wearing fluffy down armour, dl...

Fluffy down armour? A swan with attitude? Some kind of weird comforter??

I don't have to wear that Easter bunny suit AGAIN, do I? Last time, I got laughed out of town (it was at Giraffemas, mind you).

I just think Ms Pandora is .....waughhhhhhh!!

Yes she is a tart's tart!

I promise you won't need to wear the suit again... unless you want to give me a belated birthday thrill!

For you, dearest Imperial Battiness, I will spare you the Bunny Suit scenario, BUT I will send you some cookie dough for your birthday?

Now, it is off to the little bed under the pines............goodnight!!

Awww.. What a lovely thing to have after my new personal trainer (we'll just call him The Punisher) has beat me to a batlike pulp.

..."until my ribs meet"<?> I was SURE they already knew eachother. <...

Batty, I'm so sorry I missed your birthday AGAIN! Ohmyhell ... I hope this will do. ...*slips Batty the tongue - more for my *new* friend than for the two of us...*
Did you like the new raspberry/chocolate lip gloss? Zero calories!
And the 800# to that place in Atlanta says we can eat as many of the lip gloss as we can stomach~! Wonder if I can get Ozzy to write a nice redundant song about 'rasp-choc'makes ya' wanna' rock!

...*whispers to Batty...*got any double sided tape to help hold my cleaaaavgew <---- (thanks silly cat~!!!) inside the front of this gown???
My ta-tas are sorta' climbing out. How DID the "ladies" keep um in back in the day...<?>...

derby, you say the sweetest things! If only I believed you!

well.. back in which day is where the answer depends... if it were waaay back in the day corsets pretty much nailed those puppies in... post-corset tape works fine! or you can just let them pop out and say "hi" now and then!

Bless you, Ms Pandora! As for the sweetest things...please refer to the fair Battykins (privately) for a chunk of my 'back-story'. Warranted true - heart-rending - and, even, semi-interesting at times.

I may have an unusual proposition to make to you, regarding double sided tape (or is that the one with the trapeze, the wardrobe, the monkey and the bucket of ice?)

Interesting propositions have always fascinated me.. especially the ones involving double sided sticky tape

Starts to think of the fair Pandora....*begins to tremble gently!*

Are you SURE you haven't heard the one about the trapeze, the monkey, the wardrobe and the bucket of ice? *giggle*

I may have to offer you a large bunch of