h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OW! ::rubs back of head::

Is flirting a sign of being a good B.A.T.?

I'm good at that! I do it with ALL my many lovers!!

::sips , no, forget that, gulps , licks lips, pours more , gulps it ::

Aaah!

That-a Tart!!!!
Flirting is totally required...well, it WOULD be IF there were rules!!!
I'm at my best when I s l o w l y look up, with my head tilted just a bit to one side & look through my looong eyelashes...lil' crooked smile that make my dimples show...THEY DROP LIKE FLIES!!!!


*sigh*
I think I shall go out this week-end...just to brush up on my skills... As I write this...there are men outside (it's freezing) chopping & stacking wood on the side porch! Soon the fireplace will be alight...the wine will flow......Ahhh...life's so wonderful!!!! Cheers!!!

Yo, it's Sunday March 3, 2002!!!! Have you been good Tarts?
Hey, who said no?...*looks around...*I knoooow some of you just look around & leave without posting...tisk-tisk...afraid of allowing the true "Tart-within" to arise?!?
Well don't be!

This week, I ask all Tarts, and yes, even the Tart-wanna'-bes...
for just THIS one week...try going ALL week without uttering one single complaint about the weather!!!!! Think you're up for the challange? Well, give it a try, or not... See...no rules!!

That's it for today's Service...just toss a few dead Presidents in the collection box on you way out! Oh, and don't forget to grab your beverage of choice! ~Pan~

::makes mental note not to moan about weather::

::practices stock h2g2 flirt response::

Why, thank you kind sir!

::simpers and flutters eyelashes::


Unfortunately, haven't had much chance to practice real life flirting recently........must get out more!

Been rubbing a certain lucky guy down in a hot tub in h2g2 recently though!

That-a-girl!!!!
For this weeks Service I shall speak for a moment about being a good neighbor: Don't do it!!!! I mean, unless there's bones & /or blood involved.....just turn the other cheek! Yup, you see 'um comen' just turn the other way! Now, if there ARE broken body parts involved, do offer to call the Rescue Squad...
depending on if you like the neighbor or not, stop for a spot of tea first......well, you don't want to strain yourself, right? And finally,
whatever you do....donot..I repeat, do NOT open the door, they will bleed on your things, thank you for helping but never offer to replace anything their nasty ole' blood has spoild.
Well, that;s it for today...have a good Sunday and don't do anything "I" wouldn't do!! (oh that hardly leaves out a thing)

The Services for thie weeks Born Again Tarts now begins...
Thank you for coming...see you next time.
Wouldn't more people attend church if Services were kept brief?
Just remember as you walk down the Sunny Streets of Life, wear a slip!!!

This week, Tarts, we shall learn the finer points of sign making. You'll need, sissors, tape, a marker and an adult to supervise you whilst you use the sissors & to check your spelling.
Take a pretty piece of paper, cut all the corners off & write what you want your first impression to be for any stranger who happens upon your doorstep.
I.E., on my front porch, on the frame of the cedar door...and in between the big owl sign that reads: Welcome...is MY pretty piece of paper, with the corners cut off, as it give the appearance of a 'finished touch', which reads: No solicitation of any type, this includes, but is not limited to, Bible Thumpers.
Other signs posted around the woods read: If you are reading this, you are in a target zone. Can you get to the fence before THIS gaurd dog? (it's a picture of my blue doberman on the love seat, on her back , with her legs sticking straight up & paws flopped over & her lips sort of flopped open to reveal her pointy teeth.
I also find that if you walk around on the porches barefoot, in the snow, the criminals are less likely to bother someone who they would view as crazier than are they.
...looks as if I've been walking in yellow snow!
That's it for this weekGeez...*tries to wipe her feet on the pretty piece of paper sign...* Do not try this at home...unless of course you either 1.) can reach your leg up VERY high or step on the paper to wipe your feet before you actually hang the sign. And no matter what...never try to wipe both feet on the sign after it's already taped upon the doorway.

don't know what to say to that, really......
Thought I'd better stick my head in the door to say Hi and ask forgiveness for my poor attendance recently

My mind is blank atm.............back later

Damn! Who left that paint tin lying around?

NOOOOO....not coming here makes for a wonderful tart!!
This week we will learn to keep ourselves safe during bus, and or train rides...practice until this sounds natural..."No speak-a la
eng-aish m**********r!"
Service over!

The Services for The Born Again Tarts shall begin:

Never, ever, EVER, drink and drive!! You could hit a bump and spill it!! Alcohol abuse is a SIN! Yes, a sin.

~Later lurkers & Tarts alike!

Welcome to this weeks Service...

Screw Church...let's chow.

YUM!!

::chomp chomp munch munch gobble::

::slurp , quaff ::

!

...*wipes mustard from her mouth with the back of her hand...*
...yep, you're turnin' into a real tart alrighty!
...*continutes to eat like noones' watching...*

I seemingly forgot this weeks Service.
Isn't that funny?
Waaaaal...just be nice to EVERYone you see this week. Or not.
Enjoy life, it's later than you think!

Wahey!

actually - think I've been enjoying life too much recently -



::crawls away to hide::



C&i

Here ya' go Hon. it's good fer what alies ya'
It's an inflatable or Whichever you'd rather.
We here at the b.a.t.s. don't discri...discrim...we don't give a flyingratsass who/what you're into.

I'm late, i'm late, I'm late...for a very important date...Soooo...
as usual, this Service will be short. And sweet!

What was the question? ...*snaps out of IT...*
This week my advice to tarts and lurkers alike... Save tour pennies, the dollars will take care of themselves.
Jusss leave a pile of dead presidents in the collection plate on your way out!
bu-buye.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course I ment to say: save YOUR pennies... but really, if your in a band or somthing...tour pennies ought be saved too! And if you won't take MY word for it, just ask Bassman! ...*trips over empty collectio plate on her way out...*

The more hurried I become the further behind I get!~~~

*toddles into the thread wearing a slinky red silk dress (with the hole for the Tail in the back this time, Pan), spikey high heels and a * Reporting for duty!!! (ditzy salute)

Welcome Batty! You look stunning! And I see you're showing off your loverly tail!
...*tries to find a place to pin the Red, White and Blue lapel pin of The Born Again Tarts...**==...*Here YOU take this and stick it! Someplace!
See you next weekend for the next Service....*whispers to Batty to bring her own herbs...* But the drinks are always on me, unless you'd rather use a glass.