h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For the last 2 days, I have mostly been hanging around a building site.
I have a friend who runs a couple of canteens on sites hither and dither, and I got a frantic call from her on Sunday night. She’d been let down and had nobody to run one of them, that’s the bit where I had to come in useful.
So I did, with much trepidation, albeit with some catering experience under my belt, the last time being some 13/14 years ago. I was very nervous, what with being thrown in the deep end and all and not least because, well, the place is full of builders and the like.
Once I got my head round the fact that the ‘menu’ was an oil soaked cholesterol fest throw back to the 70’s, I actually quite enjoyed it.
The builders weren’t nearly as scary as I’d feared, in fact they were jolly nice to me, in a slapping my arse with the Sunday Sport kind of way.
I got to learn things too
Apparently I make a faaaackin’ ‘ansome fry up. I’m shweet ash a nut shunshine, if not a little bit cushty too.
Each builder is very particular as to how they like their tea, ranging from stewed until it resembles mud, to hot water knocked stupid…nevertheless, a minimum of three sugars is almost obligatory. One chappie was the exception though, he drank hot chocolate with four sugars and a Curlywurly to dip in it. I suspect they probably all have worms.
Anyway, it was an experience and it was fun in a feet aching hard work kind of way, and I’d probably step into the breach again if required, but don’t think I’ll be making a career out of it anytime soon.
*sucks teeth in* Whichever faaackin’ muppet did the tilin’ in ‘ere, wants faaaackin’ ‘angin’.

Sounds fun!

You didn't drop any fag ash in yer 'ansome fry ups did yer? Not the same wivaht a bit of ash.

>>he drank hot chocolate with four sugars and a Curlywurly to dip in it<<

I'm going to *have* to try that!

Hee hee!

It was good fun actually, builders are sooo bitchy, I was ever so impressed.

I love cockney. Speak to a cupple o' Londoners just abowt every day, yeah? Can't 'elp but mimic 'em whenever I ring 'em up on the dog n bone.

I wondered where you had disappeared to. I was going to ask if you liked it, but it's pretty obvious that you did.

Three sugared tea. I've cut down on the teas and sugar lately, so I treat myself to a gorgeous cuppa with three sugars on a Saturday morning. Afternoon...

As one who works in the catering trade and has done for 20 year, give me a bunch of bum pinching, dirty joke telling builders and lorry drivers, with their doorsteps, fry ups, tea in 'A proper cup darlin' not this piddly fing', "Where's the chips" "Where's the ketchup luv" than a bunch of Miserable, PC wary, salad eating, Sundried Tomato and Mozerella ciabatta, cappachino "Is it skimmed milk" "Do you have any low fat yoghurt" "Where's the balsamic Vinegar dressing" managment, consultant types.

I'm going to get maimed by Salad eaters now aren't I, I stand by what I say, give my builders any day, they're easier to please

You got worms too then?

These were Saarf Londoners, well they were the loudest ones anyway. The Oirish ones spoke too quickly for me to understand them, so I may have given them more sugar than required. Or less. Dunno.
Then there was Mr MP3, he was Jamaican, completely incoherent, but I don't think that had anything to do with sugar. We just smiled at each other a lot whilst he pointed at stuff.

Damn! I just love it when you shoot straight from the hip Reef.
They were fab, and compared to the lot that I used to cater for at a certain Polo club, well, there's just no comparison really.
This lot treated me so nicely, one told the other to "Watch yer faaackin language in front of the lady" The Polo club lot felt it appropriate to click their fingers at me to get my attention, which curiously never worked.

Forgot how hard work it is though

I used to work in a Posh Golf Club in Petersham, when people clicked their fingers at me I used to look around and say in a loud voice "Is there a dog in here or something"

Ooh, you probably know the Polo club I mean then, I forgot you once stomped these parts.
I hated it, they were such obnoxious people.

"Daaahlink! *mwah mwah* I haven't seen you since Antigua! Have you met the Ponsonby-smythes? They're having a little soire in their Castle in Scotland, you simply must come."

LOL! Try running a café in Pakistan during Ramadan!!! 3am Iftar for 120 blokes who have been fasting for 24 hours & all want greasy spicy omelettes NOW!

zdt

The women are always the worst at these places, twice a week the older male members used to play a few games and had tea afterwards, when it came to pay no problem the losers bought the teas, the women it was all "No You played last week", "No It's my turn", "We'll split the bill" it used to take them half an hour to settle the bill and I ended up having to put all the coins they paid with in a bread basket because in the end they all insisted in paying for their own tea

"I wanna pay with string!"

"You'll have to fill out a form...."

I really want a cup of tea now

15 or 36 sugars? I saw mentioned somewhere you were rather gorgeous Here, you have to eat these too, it's the law!x 300!

But where's the?????

zdt

I bloody hate . All that rustling and crunching.

Much rather have a banana.

Can I have your share of crisps, please?

*Takes bag of crisps*

*Squashes them into powder*

*Sprinkles lightly on cheese sandwich*

Ah, crisp & cheese sanwiches are a different matter. Especially with spring onions, mayo, basil & tomato. And there's none of the incessant, infuriating rustling.

*rustle rustle crunch rustle*

crisp and Philly sarnies must be cheese and onion crisps

Banana or jam and plain crisps is lovely..