h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just in case anyone had been wondering And since I don't want to spam by telling everyone who might be interested this separately, I'll just write a journal entry...

After yesterday's accident, the trainer told me to go to the doctor if I had any kind of problems. I laughed it off and went to work normally, though I didn't feel like breakfast, just bought a roll to eat "later"... Time: Noon. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 1.5 km, and up the stairs to the Schwebebahn.

After being at work for about an hour, I found the computer screen was giving me a headache, and my colleagues asked whether I was ok, said I was talking funny and looked strange. So since a smart Mala knows it's better to be safe than sorry, I left, and walked to my usual GP's. Time: 1:30. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 2.25 km and up five flights of stairs.

She wasn't there. She was on holiday. And I'd seen that her colleague who subs for her was only there Monday mornings, so gave that a miss. Instead went back to the Schwebebahn to go back downtown. Time: 2:00. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 2.5 km and up about 6 flights of stairs.

Went to see the other GP I've seen once in that situation, downtown. She wasn't there. She was on holiday. Walked up to the clinic - a rheumatological clinic, but maybe they knew of a doctor whose surgery was open on Monday afternoons... They didn't. Time: 2:15. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 3.25 km and up about 7 flights of stairs.

Back outside, asked at a pharmacy whether *they* knew of any GP open. They did - in the building right above them - but he wasn't opening again till three... Rather than wait over half an hour, went home to deposit my heavy bag and my coat, which was far too warm. Had a quick glass of , not feeling well enough to eat my roll, so left it there. Time: 3:45. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 3.5 km, and up about 8 flights of stairs.

Went back down to the doctor who was open, some kind of surgeon, had to pay the usual 10€ for not going to your own GP. As it turned out, a Turkish surgeon, and his entire waiting room was filled with frightened young boys there for a ritual circumcision, and their proud fathers...

He took time off from that to do a quick X-ray of my head. Nothing broken, but he said I needed to see a neurologist. Today. He rattled off a list of three possible candidates for me to see, then disappeared. I went to see all three. One wasn't in his office on Monday afternoons, the other two weren't there. They were on holiday. Time: 4:30. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 4.5 km and upabout 12 flights of stairs.

Begged at some random doctor's office (their door happened to be open) whether they knew of one who was open. They were nice, and printed out a list of them for me to try... So Mala trudges off and tries them all. Not a single one of them was there. They were on holiday. Time: 5:15. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 7.5 km and up about 21 flights of stairs (some of them had lifts...)

Finally, I landed at the office of the last person on the list. She said she was a psychiatrist, not a neurologist, and she couldn't help me... But she said I looked like I belonged in bed, and she'd do what she could for me. She phoned the office of another neurologist, and they said they'd take time for me, I could go see them right away. I went. Turned out they'd got it wrong, they thought I wanted one of the two psychiatrists. Their neurologist wasn't there. He was on holiday. Time: 5:30. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 8.25 km and up about 21 flights of stairs.

I'd still not eaten anything, had a splitting headache, and in the brief time I'd been there, the psychiatrist managed to lose my doctor's note that I needed to see a neurologist. He told me to go try the people on this list... I told him thank you, I'd already been to their offices. They were on holiday. He gave me a psychiatristy kind of smile and said "Oh, they were *earlier*, but they're all back now!"

The recepionist had me sit in their waiting room for 20 minutes, until finally the other psychiatrist came out of his office. He phoned around for me - only neurologist in the entire city who wasn't closed Monday afternoons, or simply on holiday, was up at the hospital. He decided he couldn't risk my going there by bus, so he even filled out a form for the insurance to pay my taxi fee... Time: 6:00. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 8.25 km and up about 21 flights of stairs.

Finally arrived at the hospital, by taxi. Turned out their neurological department was closed, for renovation this time, rather than just for holidays... But they had some working at the emergency department, so they sent me on there, once through the entire complex and then sit around and wait. Time: 6:30. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 8.5 km and up about 22 flights of stairs.

Was eventually ushered to an examination room by a nurse, who did all the usual nursey things, taking my blood pressure and temperature, and a blood sample, and leaving an IV cannula in my arm, just in case. Then the neurologist came, made me tell her what happened, did some simple tests, then said since there were no obvious signs of a concussion, but I'd better have a CT, since my brain wasn't working normally, either.

So I left for the radiology department. They were already closed for the night, had to go back to have the nurse phone them so one would come down... Time: 7:15. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 9 km and up about 22 flights of stairs.

Had the CT taken, then had to go back and wait for results. Couldn't concentrate on any magazines, and by now getting hungry, but nothing edible about... Finally, the neurologist calls me back in. No sign of a ruptured blood vessel, as she'd thought, but I'd better have several days off work anyway, and if I feel worse, go to a neurologist. (Presumably one who's not on holiday) Good news, at least.

They finally dismissed me (had to pay another 10€ there, because the doctor's referral doesn't count for *hospital* neurologists) and then got to make my way home (after reminding them there was still this needle in my arm, and could they please do something about it?) Finally found a bus stop. Time: 8:15. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 10.5 km and up about 24 flights of stairs.

Refused to walk up from the train station, took another , as it was raining by now. Finally got back here. Time: 5:30. Total distance travelled on foot so far: about 11 km and up about 27 flights of stairs.

Now devoured my roll, and called my mum, and will be off to bed in a minute, because my head hurts and so does my arm.

The moral of the story is: go to Mallorca if you need a neurologist, they're probably all there...

I hope [that] you get well soon Mala.

One of my favorite European online friends just between ourselves.

Mal, Hope the head feels better really soon.

Think I would have exploded with or collapsed

Where is Dr Swiftwater when you need him?

Jeez, hard day , hope you get better soon



Walrus (Tamaire), occasional hootooer.

I did almost burst out in tears for no reason in that one psychiatrist's office, but he was being so condescending anyway that I didn't want to do him the favour

Good thing I had a key to my flat, at least - I couldn't have identified myself after all that time away, don't have a tree for a bedpost

I think you may be a little crazy after that bump on the head. Tree for a bedpost?

Well, it did feel like an odyssey, just with fewer smelly sailors involved

*I* won't make the embroidery, just so you know.

But you'll tie me to the mast if I say anything about the Lorelei, right?

yes, that's right

Though if I do that, you should probably tie me to the mast and wait for the nice men in the white coats

Sheesh, couldn't figure out how the toaster worked I think I'll go back to bed soon.

true

that doesn't sound good at all

No, no, bed sounds very good to me

Rest up Mala. I hope you feel better soon. Sorry I can't be there to make you eat! Drink fruit juice please!

Mal, sorry to hear all that unpleasantness. And here was I, thinking that my day was bad with the removal of three wisdom teeth...

What kind of accident did you have?
Hope you get better soon.

Y.

Hope you're feeling better.
By a strange coincidence I was sharing the breakfast table with an Herr Doktor on my recent weekend-break in the Czech Republic and he told me he had to spend 2 hours doing computer stuff every morning before he could do any actual 'doctoring' in his hospital and that many doctors these days never actually got round to actually speaking to any patients in the flesh as it were. Such is medical red tape in some parts of the Deutschsprachigeraum.
As it happened, on this mini-hol, I went down with a case of 'stomach bug'. Suffered for 3 days and 'cured' myself with Rennies and vodka. Didn't like to bother that busy doctor!

Don't think that'd be a very good cure for me. Nought to drink in the house anyway. Not even fruit juice, I'm afraid, Elektra, but I can't make it down to the supermarket at present Thanks for the advice, anyway.

Yel - it was something rather unusual in this day and age and location, got hit in the temple with a spearpoint That's what comes of having hobbies At least it postponed my own dentist appointment... Think I'd have preferred that, though

Nothing to drink? I hope you have at least some water in your house Malabrista?
If you drink plenty of water it will flush any residual poisons from the body. Make sure you're well hydrated by checking your urine colour.
Your water should be the same colour coming out as going in. ie. clear. If it's yellow it means you need to drink some more water.