h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

no fred said "just in thyme" question being what sort of sauce/stuffing do your want on/in your dinner

A very sage observation.
Also, a good show of parsleyflage.
I could pepper you with questions, some of
which would be a-macing.
If I pass by your door when you're
cooking this feast, can I cumin?

Here is my start. Fruitcake A1905347. Defiantly nowhere near finished. I would love your comments however. I will add the GuideML as I approach completion. Anyone who has visited my personal page will tell you I have almost no experience with GuideML. also, not to worry, I'll add everyones name to the credits.

Ebert

‘For he’s going to marry Yum-Yum—
Yum-yum!
Your anger pray burry,
For all will be merry,
I think you had better succumb—
Cumb—Cumb!
And join our expressions of glee.’
-The Mikado

No... a woman has to be able to cook the food. I like tradition.
BTW (look at that sweb code folks!) my mate gets nice letters from a cute air-assistant from the CZ republic. Galls me to think he ignores them..just think of the goulash dinners..you tell me people are rational?
Oetz

<>

Some women can, and some women can't.
It's the same with men.
If you *really* want something done right, hire a pro.

Cooking is just like any other task. Practice makes
perfect. There are many physical movements, so there
are advantages in being strong, with good manual
dexterity. Julia Child excelled in cooking because
she was athletic enough to use a meat cleaver or
butcher knife deftly. You would also need good muscle
tone to knead large masses of dough and carry huge
vats of flour or chopped cabbage from refrigerator
to table to oven, or vice versa.

I really don't think gender is all that important, frankly.

No, your all wrong there friend.
Womankind,well most of 'em, possess the inherent chemistry to make me and my kind...mankind..salivate.
Not fooled by all this postmodern crap.
Have to disagree.
Oetz

now on to deserts Nigella Lawson whisk techniche not only displays some muscle definition inspires some thought with regard to alternative applications..leave it!!

Yes I just LIKE womankind! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
Oetz

I don't want to see you stop salivating.

Still, there needs to be *someone* in the kitchen
to lift the heavy stuff. Some women can do it, sure.
If they aren't cooking large amounts of stuff,
it's probably not a big deal.

RALPH: I work hard all day, so I can come home to
a homecooked meal. But what I do get? A frozen
steak.

ALICE: No, Ralph, you're wrong. You get *half*
of a frozen steak.

I watch THE SIMPSONS for entertainment. My wife and family provide all the drama stuff..in fact only watch the news on TV.

Like radio though. Good drama on there...BBC good at that stuff.
Oetz

Trust me, Oetz.

It isn't necessarily inherited, learned from your mother, or "in the blood". Some women can cook and some can't. I have friends who couldn't boil water, they are usually married to guys who are terrific cooks.

My ex was darn lucky, if you ask my opinion, that he wound up with me, because I can cook. ....and I can make a meal from just about anything. I am the bane of my friend's existence, though, as she is a "recipe follower" and I make it up as I go along and have recipes which consist of "handfuls of this and a dollop of that, unless it is raining when you use 1/2 a dollop".

She begs me for a recipe and I try and write it down, but a simple sauce is 11 pages long, and full of "if you want, you can add this, but cut down on that"s.

I know men who are equally as able in the "whip anything up" department.

I recall hearing an interview with a master chef once.

The inteviewer said "Your mother must have been a terrific cook to give you a love of food...."

"On the contrary.", he said, My mother was a terrible cook. We just didn't realize it."

It turned out that when he went to New York to go to University, he was homesick for spaghetti. He went into a restaurant and ordered spaghetti and the waiter set down a plate of noodles and a bowl of sauce. "What's THIS?" he enquired....

"Spaghetti, sir."

He was taken completely aback. Apparently, his mother would put a pot of water with the uncooked noodles and the sauce and boil until the noodles had dissolved. Her version was a soupy sort of sticky tomato soup. He tried the spaghetti at the restaurant and discovered what spaghetti SHOULD taste like and was floored..... He quit University and took a chef course, instead.

My mother isanother example on a non-intuitive cook.

Frankly, my mother's spaghetti wasn't much better than his mother's spaghetti. She would put the raw meat in the sauce and "cook" it. If you know anything about what happens when meat sits in acidic tomato sauce for anylenbgth of time, it never does properly cook, just goes mushy.

The noodles for the entire family were made at once, even if people would be eating hours apart. They would sit in the hot water simmering on the stove, sometimes for 3 hours. If you got home at that point, you got tomato mush on noodle mush.... yum.

When I was a poverty-struck retail employee, I would often eat at my parents' house, but I always checked what was on the menu in case it was spaghetti.... I would have starved before eating it.

OK Muddy I accept that.
73s Oetz

In truth, I make a number of noodle soups, but I
add the dry noodles last and don't overcook them.
They don't end up gummy. (I hate gummy noodles)

My mother is a pretty good cook, but she
didn't learn it from her mother. My grandmother's
way of cooking vegetables was to boil them in milk.
She would bake beans for hours every Saturday. Supper
on Saturday night was bean juice on bread. The actual
beans would not be eaten until the following day.

Ok, so I see an article developing here between the different genders in the kitchen. Half written by Oetz and Mudhooks respectively.

Personally, I can cook amazingly well. My mum can’t, which is likely the reason for my success. Being a woman who is not %100 about the whole feminism thing, I feel that at least one part of the partnership should be able to cook. Perfect situation is where both can have a hand in meal prep. Cooking can be exhausting. It makes the work less than half if you have someone to help you, and to accompany you as you sing operetta while you cook.

Ebert – still wondering what you all think of my fruitcake article so far?

Hi Ebert
Look Eby, I am a fruitcake.
How can I review your essay without prejudice?
Me and muddy would do well in the kitchen together I'm sure.
In fact I would be subordinate to a woman supervisor anyday.
But a man? I don't think so, most of 'em carry to much bagge for productive teamwork.
73s Oetz

Hi, Ebert.

Your fruitcake article is off to a good start.

I have the good luck to know some people who make
super fruitcakes. There's one that also makes
fruitcake cookies, which are also awesome.

Oh cookies Now that sounds interesting.

My mom made mince meat cookies. It was not the kind with meat- if such exists. Nut*meat* and dried fruit.

They were quite delicious, an unexpected pleasure to many who tried them.
Do you suppose they are similar to what you are talking about?

yes and you can cookem in a breville

Finally got around to checking this thread again, and read your fruitcake entry - so far, so good!

Ah-ha, badly cooked spaghetti anecdote time again

I still remember the student conference I attended in Belfast where the 'chef' put the spaghetti for 40 people into cold water before heating the pot to cook the stuff.

"Spaghetti Sir? One slice or two?"