h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Can I remedy this by telling you that I make these terrific Cardamom Sweetbuns?

I make a basic bread using milk instead of water, and extra sugar, plus ground Cardamom and a little cinnamon.

I soften butter and whip in more ground cardamom and sugar, then spread it on the unrisen buns. Once risen, they go in the oven.

The butter and sugar mix make s lovely crunchy topping and cardamom is wonderful.

Now I'm hungry. I hope you're happy....

Sounds good to me Muddy, listen I'm falling asleep here 00:30hrs.
See you later
73s Oetz

Hot snot and bogey pie,
All mixed up in a dead dog's eye.
Drink it slow, drink it quick,
And wash it down with a glass of sick.

Oh, that's *really* disgusting!

Okay here's the recipe:

Paul's fruitcake.

Dry ingredients. Mix together in a mixing bowl:

1/3 cup brown sugar
2 cups flour
1/2 cup ground nuts (any kind you like)
2 tsps. baking powder
1/3 cup chopped dates
3/4 cup raisins
1 tsp. lemon rind, grated
1/4 tsp. each: cinnamon, cloves, allspice, nutmeg
1/3 cup milk powder.

Wet ingredients. Mix together in a different mixing bowl:

1 and 1/4 cups apple juice
1 egg
1/3 cup water or milk.

Combine the contents of the two bowls.
Mix thoroughly.
Pour into greased baking pan
Put in oven (important step )
Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about an hour.

If the liquid ingredients are not enough to make
a good batter, feel free to add more liquid.

This recipe has never let me down.
Feel free to vary it.

I left out the candied fruits in the above recipe.

Okay, to the wet ingredients, also add
1/2 cup candied fruits.

*tosses half baked fruit cake out, because obviously it's not going to work now*

You don't have to throw it out, Lady Scott.
It would be a fine cake. It just wouldn't
be a fruitcake.

Did I ever mention the time I made a cobbler
and forgot to add any sugar? For some reason,
the fruit was sweet enough to make it palatable
anyway.

My sister once made shortbread cookies and used the measure for the cornstarch for the baking powder.... something along the lines of 1 cup.

They were a bit tart....

*Thinks of several puns around the word 'tart'... knows that at least one of them will prolly get me a clip round the earole from Mudhooks; leaves the others to The Master*

Thought I might as well join in with a childhood favourite:

Yellow matter pudding
Green snot pie
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye
Spread on bread and butter
Spread it nice and thick
Then was it down with a cool cup of sick.

Was *I* made from slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails? Definitely.

Scrolls up to see *another* variant of this posted hours ago. Hmmm.

I wonder how many times some of us heard that kid on Stewpot's Saturday morning show

Happy birthday to you,
Squashed tomatoes and stew.
Bread and butter in the gutter,
Happy birthday to you.

Here it somes.

I bet Mudhooks' sister was tart and feathered
for getting that recipe wrong.
Her shortbread came up short.
With so much baking powder, she really got a rise
out of those cookies.

Having probs with the keyboard this morning Paul?

Oh, look. No fruitcake entries on H2G2. What do you think guys? Should we add one?

A collaborative effort?



Who's gonna start it?

I cannot add to it but fruitcake is a must in a guide to life and everything!



Gross out warning!!

How my dad used to answer the question - What do you want for lunch?
A scab sandwich with a bottle of puke he'd say.
*odd family memories*

I think that explains a lot abbi

My sister was about 10 when she made the cookies, so I would hesitate to call her a tart....

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me
Think I'll go and eat worms
Long ones, short ones, fat ones, thin ones
See how they wriggle and squirm

I bite off the heads, and suck out the juice
And throw the skins away
Nobody knows how fat I grow
On worms three times a day
Ohh...nobody loves me.

...and then there is the campfire classic....

Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet.
Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
And me without a spoon.

Some people eat hamburger meat while others like potatoes,
And some must chew their Irish stew along with ripe tomatoes.
I can't understand why in ev'ry land, they serve such peculiar dishes.
For wherever I go, they always say "No!" when I tell them what my wish is.
I scream for ...

Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet.
Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
And me without a spoon.

I can pay my way in a French caf_ which is big and quite expensive,
Where the diners dine and the wine is fine, but I'm always apprehensive.
When the menu comes, I twiddle my thumbs at the list of fancy dishes:
Caviar and steaks, champagne and cake, is never what my wish is.
I beg for ...

Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet.
Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
And me without a spoon.

In the life to come, I intend to hum this hymn to old Saint Peter:
I won't need much, when my harp I touch, and become a heavenly eater.
I won't ask for money or milk and honey, and my voice will never falter.
While the trumpets blare on the Golden Stair as I stand at the Shining Altar.
I yell for ...

Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet.
Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
And me without a spoon.

And me without a spoon! Yuck!