Journal Entries
Feelings and Tears
Posted Jan 9, 2004
Tears in my eyes, I will not try to disguise
To me they show, I will bring me down to any level low
They show I love, that which is prettier than a dove
Human am I, that is no lie
So many men disguise, the tears in their eyes
Why do they do that? It is more annoying than a gnat
If they just show some feeling they shall no longer be lost
Between many things
They shall not be tossed
I have learned to show feeling, I am not lost
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Latest reply: Jan 9, 2004
Thanksgiving
Posted Nov 27, 2003
It is Thanksgiving Day and I thought it an idea to list what I an thankful for (not necessarily by importance).
My Children: William, Christofer, and Athena.
My sister, Susan, who has taken temporary custody of my children until I am able to get back on my feet.
Marv, my best friend, who has stood by me through trials and tribulations as well as the good times. Love you bro.
Aaron, my youngest brother and very good friend.
Gwen, one of my very best friends who has listened to all my bitching about my ex-wife and all my complaining about organized religion. Love You.
Gina, my best friend next to Marv.
My dad and step-mom, Judy, who have helped me through my divorce.
My mom and step-dad, Jim, who have given me all the moral support I have needed.
All of my surrogate parents: Ina White, Taffy Kosierowski, Linda Simpson, and all the others who are too numerous to name.
Julie, who has different view points than mine but who, nevertheless, has supported me.
Lanny, who also has different view points than mine but who, nevertheless, has supported me.
JL, a good friend and listener who always has a word of advice (usually good).
Pastor Mike of First Presbyterian Church (FPC) who came and talked to me when I was in the hospital almost two years ago.
Pastor Jim, new Associate Pastor of FPC who, despite knowing what I think/feel about god, is willing to talk to me about it.
Pete and Sandy Kosierowski.
Liz Reynolds
My ex-wife, Annette, who gave me my wonderful children.
There are tons of other things for which I am thankful but, they are too numerous to list. Thank You all, you all make life worth living. Yes, even the ex-wife.
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Latest reply: Nov 27, 2003
Paganism
Posted Nov 17, 2003
I am a pagan living in America, more importantly: I am a pagan living in Utah. This makes my life kind of interesting.
Anytime I am asked about what church I go to (this happens quite often in Utah), I am truthful about it and I say: "I am a pagan". People get this horrified look on their face like I am out to sacrifice their virgin daughter or first born. Nothing could be further from the truth!
I follow, or try to follow, the medicine path that a lot of Native American tribes follow. It is extremely peaceful and certainly does not involve any sacrificing of first born children or virgins!
Since I started seriously following the medicine path, I have become a much calmer person. I am at peace with myself. Before, when I was a member of a christian church, I had a lot of inner turmoil, I was never at ease, I was always quarreling with someone over the most inane of things.
Most people find solace in god: I found nothing but hatred, malice, anger, and hypocracy in god. I found my solace, my peace, in the medicine path.
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Latest reply: Nov 17, 2003
A gift
Posted Nov 16, 2003
I have decided tonight that it is time to send a gift to an extremely close friend. Not just any gift mind you, a very special gift.
This past March, I went on a camping trip by myself, on my way back I stopped at a souvenier shop where I picked up an amethyst crystal which I mounted on a cord. This has been hanging around my neck for the past 8 months and has come to mean a lot to me.
Some Native American tribes would refer to this gift as "Wapani" (see my brief guide entry for a little more detail).
I will never be able to replace this crystal but then, the gift wouldn't mean much if it was not from the heart, would it? And besides, she's worth it.
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Latest reply: Nov 16, 2003
20/20
Posted Oct 22, 2003
Realizing that you like someone a lot more than like is extremely disconcerting, especially when the person has not been available to you for quite some time.
I talked with a good friend last night who I have not seen in several months as she moved to a different locale. During the course of our discussion we got to talking about some of the feelings we have had in the past and apparently still have for each other.
Looking back, I really wish that I had made my feelings known to her in a more direct way say, for instance, vocalizing them. If I had perhaps she would not have moved.
At the time though, I was just starting to go through a divorce and was quite depressed a lot of the time. I probably would not have known if my feelings were for her or for the woman that I divorced. I certainly would not have wanted to rebound her.
After talking to her last night, I meditated on this issue. After quite a bit of meditation: I determined that what I am feeling for her is for her and not for the ex-wife.
I am right now waiting for her to come online so that I can tell her this. I do not know what we might be able to do about this as we are approx. 1500 mile away from each other but, I think I can be happy with whatever is decided.
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Latest reply: Oct 22, 2003
Good Doctor Zomnker (This must be Tuesday," said GDZ to himself, sinking low over his Dr. Pepper, "I never could get the hang of Tuesdays.")
Researcher U98469
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