h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm sure I could think of a creative way to bite the head off of a chicken ... but I'm not sure I'd want to implement my design.

I don't think the chicken would either

Perhaps you could start a new band, combining beat poetry and heavy metal...?

perhaps ... that would be fun!!! Hey ... wanna join my band?

OF COURSE I WOULD LOVE TO!!!

But I'd hardly JOIN, would I!?? I'd lead and get all big-headed and I would never mention your help when Spin and Rolling Stone interview me....

We could be the HONG KONG FAMILY SINGERS!!!!....

I can't play any instruments. but I can sing passably and can punch photographers.

I could drink beer onstage at underage gigs.

I could deal with groupies...

herrmmmm.... I wanted to deal with the group-- I mean... hehheheheheheeheheh.... nevermind... Was I thinking outloud again!??

You don't NEED to know how to play anything!!! You just have to be cute!!! Can you dance ok!??

Susan can dance... and she is cute... we'll give her a tambourine... I'd have her learn how to handle a drumset, but she needs to be up front...

I could play bass. It's only got 67% of the strings as a normal guitar, so it's gotta be 33% easier to learn, right? I can also do what most bass players do and look as if they're daydreaming about something, whilst barely noticeably moving in time.

I get called cute sometimes. Last night a bunch of smashed 30+ year-old women told me that they were going to sit at the bar, drink water, and, "perve at" me for a while, which was fine. I usually DON'T have a gallery at work. Unlike yourself, Tab.

HEY!!! Shut up... I can't help it I have followers... maybe that's what compells me to become a stalker....

Actually, my followers have become less and less.... kinda dispersed to reveal the genuine friends(or desperately interested young men). It's much easier to deal with.

Well, I am glad those thirty-something women checked you out so openly. Even with your hair that funny color. I guess nothing can stop your cuteness. Bastard.

When are you moving into your new place!?? Gerard and I cruised a little looking for houses the other day. Nothing serious. It wasn't even planned, but it was like, "cool, yeah... this somehow feels perfectly natural..."

Don't demean the difficulty of an instrument, man!!! If anyone plasy the bass in my band, they have to be as good and creative as PAUL McCARTNEY!!!! You know Stu Sutcliff, who was their original bassist!?? He often stood with his back to the crowd, because he could not play. We're not having that. You either learn it or you don't. I don't CARE how good-looking you are!!!

Haha! Your stalkedness is slipping! I had an extra beer at work and now you've gone. Apparently twelve minutes ago.

Hopefully I'll find out whether I'm moving in with this girl this week. If not there was an ad for some warehouse space (open plan b'room and work space) for only 1/4 of my pay. I'll figure out something. What kind of a place are you looking for?

I stopped my cuteness tonight. Decided to clean out all the mould and stuff from the beer cellar, so I was slopping around in disinfectant for a couple of hours. Nobody wants to perve on a guy that smells like a urinal...

OKAY! I'll learn to play properly. And I'll face the audience. Can I at least walk over to the drummer and talk about the cricket halfway through a number...

"there are no boundary lines to music", so do as you wish when on stage, just as long as you have the talent.

Gerard and I really weren't looking for a place, just kinda went with the ebb and tide of kismet and karma. Not looking for a place.... yet...

Sorry about my slipping stalking.... I will try to improve my abilities.

Feeling much better about my job, dude... only 12 hours this week, because I have to go to GJ this weekend...

I was scheduled for 20 hours, so that is very cool!!!

Guys who smell like bleach are kinda sexy..... I really love that smell!! Reminds me of home, cleanliness, and swimming pools!! Very good memories!!! I'd perve on ya no matter what!!!

You can talk to the drummer onstage just as long as you have a mic on and you don't start a serious fight over my cuteness.

Oh but a fight like that is BOUND to happen

Yeah, works great when you're not there. Going to finish off a painting of a girl doing a handstand tonight, maybe write an article or two and basically NOT work for a while. Until Grand Prix this weekend. The track is RIGHT next to the pub and there are usually a couple of hundred thousand locals and tourists wandering around. Going to be some hard damn work on the weekend. Ah, well. Give me a chance to fail to tell tourists from the US that it is not compulsory to tip.

What's GJ stand for?

GJ stands for Grand Junction, the Colorado town where I was born and raised... tis good to be home again, though... "Home is where the heart is," my heart being rather close to home.....

How did the headstand girl go!??

How much did you make in tips!?? Did the Americans go, "Here, dude... some money for a shower...."!?? HAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHA.....

...boy, I am mean...

Um um um um....

Nevermind. Was going to tell you something cute about Gerard, but I will refrain. And when you ask me to tell you, I will have forgotten, so don't even bother to request that I relay the loveliness of my lovely love!!

The headstand girl is nearly finished, but she hasn't got any hands yet so she's doing VERY well pulling off a handstand.

It wasn't a good week for Americans.

Early on an Italian guy from 'Noo York. NOO YORK man!'. Sat at the bar for an hour or so and then informed me that this whole country is 'stoopid' and that everyone in it are morons. Tells me that he's been here a month. Tells me again that he's from 'NOO YORK!'. And everytime he made a staement about how crap Australia is, or how New York is the centre of the universe, I just shugged and jiggled my head in a 'Who cares' way. Oh man did that piss him off. Hahhahahaha. Eventually he left and the old bugger that was sitting next to him said, 'Who was that moron?'. He'd probably even been copping it from the Italian guys here. With the boofy hair, sleeves rolled up over his biceps and crotch hugging jeans he was dressed exactly how they used to dress. Ten years ago. Hahahaha...

Then last night, a fight broke out in the queue to get in and we broke it up. I dragged this poor US guy away, and he complaidned that he hadn't done anything. Just stood in the queue and got belted by a couple of guys for nothing. Poor bastard.

I did not get asked to have a shower, BTW.
Although, people kept their distance as I'd eaten a big pesto thing before work and Nikki made me a Salalmi, Parmesan and tomato roll halfway through the shift. I think I should lay off the smelly stuff.

So, what is it that you've forgotten?

I have forgot NOTHING!!! I am finishing my Spanish lab book for this chapter... cool... goes by quicker when you do half of it once, and then the other half later... not exactly easy to do it while I write to you, though....

"First, listen to the passage to get a general idea...."

Give me something in spanish and let's see if I can figure it out...

The only spanish? I know is 'por favor solo pannolini di sanitaria qui dentro'. Although it might be italian. You don't want to know whay I know this phrase...

::silencio muerdo:: (spelling!??)

Quiet, turd!?

HA ha hahahaa... what a charmer. Guess I will keep you after all.

Glad to hear it

It sounds like I'm a pet. Do I have to wear a collar? Name tags?

Nope. Just let me bathe you every couple of weeks.

I'll teach you to beg, baby!!!