h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think I'll have to

I was on camp, on a two night stretch, and went to meet my second day volunteer in the afternoon. With the sleep deprivation, I often get a bit peckish, so I had a cream tea, which turned out to be just the tonic I needed - the huge sugar rush and satisfaction of a good, fatty snack worked wonders on my energy levels. The next morning I was flagging, so Nat suggested a cream tea and wondered how long I could keep on camps for propped up by cream teas. Indefinitely, I said, but there must be a limit on how many cream teas one could consume in a day. I reckoned six would be enough to make you feel quite ill. And somehow - because I'm stupid, or up for a challenge, or open to suggestions when I haven't slept for a couple of days - I decided to suggest that I attempt to eat fifteen of them to raise money for her charity. It's a big failing of mine that I can't change my mind about these things; once I've decided on something and given voice to it in public, I'm screwed. There's no way I can say 'hey, forget it, it was a daft idea. Mind if I do a marathon or something easy instead?'

The worst thing is that I'm not overly fond of cream teas.

And I bet you won't like them at all by the time you're done!

The vid said "two men" - won't you have some help? So if you go real slow, you can make your partner gobble down 9 so you get only 6...

Or you can start looking into tips and techniques from professional eating contest winners. (I understand they rarely bother to chew, among other things.) Maybe you can even write an entry about it.

And afterwards, you can hang out in a mall wearing a tacky fur-lined suit and tell children that if they donate to the Pony Preserve they'll get *two* this year instead of one.

Nice idea, Leo, but we're eating fifteen each...

I found this:

http://media.www.dailycampus.com/media/storage/paper340/news/2004/04/19/Sports/Eating.Contest.Brings.Wings.To.New.Heights-664577.shtml

and, more humorously, this:

http://www.zone81.com/arch_news/1025840958417

New Yorkers, eh?

I've heard of that Japanese fellow. I think he's the one who doesn't chew the hot dogs. Just slides them down with a bit of water. I didn't realize there was an annual contest right nearby on Coney Island. Next year. Watching, I mean.()

How 'bout this:
http://www.wikihow.com/Win-an-Eating-Contest
http://www.everything2.org/index.pl?node_id=1068707&lastnode_id=1264949

There isn't anything online about winning a cream tea eating contest, though. And they call it a source for research? Bah.

Oh - do make sure someone is on hand with a vid camera when you do your cream tea guzzling. It's the sort of event we'd envy here in "If we aint got it it aint worth having" New York City.

The Wiki says to eat lettuce to swell your stomach, as it's mostly water. Why not just drink lots of water for the few days before instead (nothing on the day, obviously )? Wouldn't that swell my stomach just as well? Exercising before the event is a handy tip, and not smoking will probably give me a better appetite. I'll have nothing on this guy, though:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=van2s5hSLSU

In fact, it's the same Japanese guy - here's his hot dog trick:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnDjpLDMxRM

In typical commentator's over-hyperbole, he gets called 'a magician, arguably the best athlete competing in any sport today'. Possibly an exaggeration...

The expressions on the faces of the spectators is precious.

Thank you very much, Moonraker The postman came today (we've had a couple of local strikes, which probably explains the delay) and that's a seriously generous donation! Thank you very much!

...seven days left. Butterflies in your stomach? Best clear 'em out. No room.

I was just coming here to post

Over the last couple of weeks, my appetite has completely deserted me. I'm very worried, because at the moment I think I'll struggle with one cream tea, let alone 15.

Great phone call at work today:

'Hello, is that Mr Skanky? This is Louise at the Herald; we've got a press release here saying that you're eating a load of cream teas for some ponies?'

Perpetually amazed by the journalist's ability to condense any event to its constituent parts, I reply 'Erm, yes, that's right...'

'Can we come and take some photos of you?'

'Sure, we're both in tomorrow until 2pm.'

'Great. We'll see you at 1. Oh, and Mr Skanky...'

'Yes?'

'Is there any chance we could take some photographs with some actual cream teas?'

'Goes without saying', I reply, highly amused by the use of the word 'actual'. I'm sure they've been caught out with similar events, where the participants have turned up for the photoshoot with empty plates of 'imaginary' cream teas.


The phone rang again two minutes later.

'Hi Mr Skanky? Louise again. I'm sorry, but I'm blonde - what time did we just arrange?'

I love the local press

Looks like I'm only the second worst journalist in the world, then...

Well, heavy exercise is supposed to be an appetite suppressant. Swimming and the seaside, though, is said to increase appetite. Or you could just try some cod liver oil - cures everything except the half-cocked acceptance of strange dares.

Here we go - we were in the paper yesterday

http://www.heraldexpress.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=134844&command=displayContent&sourceNode=134828&contentPK=18180164&moduleName=InternalSearch&formname=sidebarsearch

I'm the good-looking one in the photo.

How many calories?

I've never finished one cream tea!

So when you attend the next Nodnol meet, I look for Mr Creosote, do I?

I'd better reinforcxe the sofa!!!



MMF

Well,

The day has dawned and I wish to Rich and friends

However, I don't expect to hear much about it till he has recovered do you

Honestly, it doesn't bear thinking about

Websailor

Oh lordi. I hope he remembers the vidcam and barf bag...