Journal Entries
Te toto
Posted May 7, 2004
I am stressing much, for little reason. Unfortunately I can't get this stress out of my system, because there is nothing I can do to get rid of it without relying on other people.
This is my second day at university this week (it's friday). I've already missed half my lectures, and I don't care. The only reason I came on wednesday was to finish the organisation of a trip this weekend with the medieval group I'm involved with. (Who meet on wednesdays, see?) The trip was this weekend about to hit, and the venue was a place called Te toto gorge, on the slopes of mount Karioi, just south of Raglan, half an hour out of Hamilton.
I've been there before, and it's a place I love. It's a very spiritual place... literally. There are lots of spirits still living there, most of them from an unfortunate mass murder which occured a couple of centuries ago. I find the locals friendly and welcoming, so it doesn't bother me too much that they're already dead.
However, I don't expect I'll see them this weekend, because the trip got cancelled this morning. Every single person who had agreed to drive us there pulled out at the last minute, leaving me facing a dismal weekend at home, by myself. =8(
I really needed to get out of the city this weekend; I'm not okay. I'm failing my courses because I'm too depressed to go to my lectures, and am not getting the help I need and am entitled to, in my assignements. I sent a very bitchy e-mail on wednesday to the head tutor of one of my papers, and the reply I read this morning was not what I needed to hear. I'm less than a hair's breadth away from pulling out of three of this semester's four papers.
I'm broke, I'm miserable, and I'm essentially alone. I can't keep motivating myself - I just don't have the energy any more. I need help.
Wendy wants me to come to her flatwarming next weekend, and I desperately want to. But I got a polite letter from my landlords a few days ago, pointing out that my automatic payments for my rent had bounced, due to insufficient funds in my account. My bank are supposed to tell me when that happens, but I haven't heard anything from them. Also with the account type I have, I'm supposed to have an extra $500 on top of my overdraft, where although I get charged interest on it it's still available. But it's not there. I found out yesterday that because the bank are instead charging me $25 each time an AP bounces, as a 'dishonour fee'... it's now happened three times in a row without me noticing. That's $75 gone.
I can't keep doing this.
I need to escape.
My university studies are the only things I enjoy, and the only things keeping me alive. But I can't live like this. There is nothing here for me.
If I do pull out of those three papers, then I will have time for a part time job... maybe even close to full time hours if I can fit it around the last paper.
That's assuming I can find a job. There aren't many to be had around here. Even crap ones are hard to find. But it may be the only way I can live, so I have to try.
I haven't enjoyed my life. If this happens to be the last time you hear from me, remember that I'd much prefer a short unhappy life, than a long unhappy life.
Thank you H2G2. Thank you Wendy. Thank you Ambrese. Even though you're all so far away, just knowing that you're there has helped.
I hope to talk to you again soon.
Jeremy.
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: May 7, 2004
RL, dammit
Posted Apr 29, 2004
RL is keeping me busy. Again.
And I have no money, again.
Getting paid soon! Woo!
Gotta go! Late for a lecture. Again!
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Apr 29, 2004
Yesss! Another fly in the parlour...
Posted Apr 21, 2004
Aparrantly Wendy (my girlfriend) has just got an H2G2 account, but I can't seem to find it anywhere.
Wendy, if you're here, make a post to me, okay? Just click on 'Reply to this posting' or whatever it says at the bottom of this text.
That way, I'll be able to find you without looking! 
For now, though, I'm going to go hit people with swords.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Apr 21, 2004
Still drifting...
Posted Apr 20, 2004
I've spent the last week working for my father, who's running a computer tutoring course for teacher aides at the moment. It works out well since it fills up my study break quite nicely, and the money will be so very welcome!
I went to easter camp (a yearly medieval gathering), and had a fantastic time... I rode a horse! 
I hadn't ridden a horse since I was three.
I came home from the camp with a friend named Wendy, who is very cool and reminds me a little of Daria, from the cartoon of the same name - you know the one? She stayed the week, before going home on sunday (her university calendar is one week earlier than mine). We started going out on friday night. 
But now she's gone, and I don't get to see her again for another four weeks (she lives about six hours' drive away.) 
I guess it's for the best, since I've got some projects I've been hoping to get on top of while I can, and we all know what a bittersweet distraction women can be...
But life is good.
I'm not spending enough time at uni at the moment, so my posts are piling up. Never mind. I'll be back more regularly next week, and probably rave some more about my new lady. 
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Apr 20, 2004
Did I mention...
Posted Apr 8, 2004
I'm loving my uni course. I knew getting that darn assignment off my back would ease 90% of my stress. And now it's sweeeeeet.
Study break starts after the weekend; I'll be back on H2G2 in a couple of weeks, I guess.
Slanje!
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Apr 8, 2004
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Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again.
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