h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

By all means, dear fellow. Proceed.

A swirling wisp of steam escapes from the teapot's spout. It looks quite shapely. Why it's my old mate T-bone the genial genie.

I'd like to wish for a cup of tea, genie.
I'd also like some sugar.
And how about some milk?

Why thank you...

(Gets up from the sand, sees the back of Garibaldi in the distance...)Er...Garibaldi, where are you going? Ah well. Oooh, tea. Might I have a spot, please?

Fenchurch, you look tired. Are you sure you got enough sleep?

I'll answer your question as soon as I snap out of this comastose state, I think...

*sidles up quietly to Fenchurch while nobody else is looking*
I wanted to talk about fish. I haven't got one. And I feel left out.
*Tear runs down cheek, neck, chest, belly. skips a bit, thigh, knee, ankle, foot and disappears into the sand.*

*Fenchurch whispers to Vestboy* Keep it down, they may find out I'm actually okay, I'm just doing it for the tea. *looks around shiftily* alright, I've been getting to them slowly, but I'll do yours now since you're so intent. I'll be back in a few minutes, with the stuff. Just keep it down, alright? *lies back down in sand nonchalantly

Sniffs air. There's something rotten in the State of Despair

Er, that's probably my socks. Sorry.

Hmmm...I think we need a TV room. Hey Fenchurch, think we could make a big screen TV out of palm leaves, that sheet of glass that washed up, this chewing gum, that giant lightbulb looking thing over there and a bit of wire...? Hey, what's that there you're doing?

*Distracted again--looks around wildly* Hey, where'd Garabaldi go?

The Genial Genie comes across Garibaldi and Loonytunes having a cup of tea. Because they are for 1st two people the genie has seen he offers them 3 wishes each.

Garibaldi thinks for a minute, and being the male he is, said "I wish for all the people on this island, besides me, to be female." For his wish, Loonytunes asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. Garibaldi was amazed at the stupidity of Loonytunes, wasting his wish like that. It was Garibald's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the people on the next island were female as well." Loonytunes asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. Garibaldi was shocked that Loonytunes was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish Garibaldi thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the people in the world, besides me, were female." Loonytunes grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish Garibaldi was gay..."

Ahaaaaahahahaha! Good joke! *Takes a worried look in his trousers.* Phew! Yeah, good joke!

*looks in Dukes trousers*
I don't think it's that funny!

Ey! Keep your eyes where they belong! Or else your selfasteem will reduce.

"This is a rather interesting turn of events" muses Wowbagger as s/he slips on a little cocktail frock with matching heels.

Looks at everyone else. "I was going to make some quip about batting for the other team but I think I'll give it a miss".

Deep from the heart of the now sentient Vegemite jar, a small murmur and a slight gagging sound is heard.

Did someone crawl in the Vegemite jar?

*mumbles* Hey where'd the Beach Boys go?

An Australian, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Australian.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Australian took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Australian had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Australian started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"


p.s.
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway."

More clarification can be found on my home page in an article called "Who is This Clown"

If the sheep was Merino I understand. What I want to know is, what are the dog and the woman up to? And can we make a profit from the website and get ourselves of the island?

A book of ripping yarns and inanities perhaps?

Starts building a bridge to the mainland visible faintly in the distance.

A good book title: A bridge in time saves nine..

er, saves nine what? other bridges?