h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

>>>>"bonny and buxom at board and in bed"

Damn. I wish we'd used that. Damn. We just went with whichever Registry boilerplate offended the pair of us the least, and didn't bother adding our own bits. I thought the poem I chose (and made my Mum read out) pretty much said it all anyway.

Actually, if I ever got married (highly unlikely at this stage) I think I'd have to use the vows from Joe vs. The Volcano:

Waponi Chief: Do you want to marry him?
Patricia: Yes.
Waponi Chief: Do you want to marry her?
Joe Banks: Yes.
Waponi Chief: Good. You're married.
Joe Banks: [shaking the Chief's hand] Thank you, Chief.
Patricia: Thank you, Chief.
Waponi Chief: I'm going now.

Yep... that's good enough.

If we're going for celluloid marriages then I was frankly disappointed not to have Rowan Atkinson officiating at mine.

B

How about Peter Cook?

(Mawige. Mawige is what bwings us together today. Mawige, that blessed awangement, that dweam within a dweam...)

Pin, that thought made me laugh for a good five minutes.

I bought a book off t'interweb about marriage rites. Something that came through loud and clear is that it's really only the rites that come from your own culture that mean something; once you step outside your own culture it's play-acting.

I knew that already, but it does cut converts to atheism adrift rather. You can top and tail 1 Corinthians 13 as much as you like so it doesn't make an of those hokus-pokus-god-references, but even so you know, and I know, and everyone there knows, it's the sentimental ramblings of a misogynistic and self-righteous patriarchal bigot. But if you have something entirely "new" and "different" and "personal" then it has no weight or resonance to it. Is that what you meant by "trite and hypocritical"?

The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of the "Owl and The Pussycat". We could exchange model boats, jars of honey and fivers and have slices of quince at the meal.

B
(Just joking Master B. Just joking.)

What's Quince? Do I like it?

You have a small jar of quince jelly (or maybe quince cheese) on the top shelf of your fridge, over to the left hand side.

Yes, that was good. We could have that.

Actually, I quite like the idea of exchanging jars of honey and fivers. Something fun and silly for the reception.

Perhaps I should read the poem.

You could always go with the very short and silly oath I read in a daft fantasy novel once:

Her. Mine.

Leaves more time for partying then.

If you say "Her. Mine. Your. Ring" it would sound more than a little bit like Hermann Goerring.

B

Just booked the tickets for the Best Man and his boyfriend. It's not just us now!

I also had the bright idea of asking the Best Man to play trombone. He's offered the trombone solo from Mahler's 3rd or the theme from the Pink Panther. Predictably, I rather like the idea of the rinky-dink panther echoing out above the 5,000 year old stones.

I really am getting rather excited by all of this. Rings are booked too. The only thing left is getting birth certificates and things off to the registrar.



Oh. And The Dress.

The less said about Dress Stress the better.

Thanks for sorting all this out Hon. I would never have got the time. How long are Best Man and Boyfriend coming for?

Frustratingly, only 2 nights, one before and one after. But the main thing is they are coming.

That's a shame, still we'll try and meet up with them first.

Last night

You mean beforehand? Indeed. If it had been June, J couldn't have made it, so we should be grateful for small mercies. They're arriving 11:00 am the day before, and leaving 15:00 the day after, so it's more than a weekend, for example.

Dress Stress

Should I be thundering to your side to assist?

It may come to that yet, Teuchter.

Reading about the cakes reminded me of an article in the Grauniad a few weeks back - http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/22/allegra-mcevedy-wedding-cakes-cheese