h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You wouldn't have something a wee bit more medicinal?

Nurse Mcreedy's surgical bruise lotion? (just kidding!!!) I have a drop of Sloe Gin or the remains of a bottle of 12 year old Malt if that is acceptable.

That's what I like to see - always ready to receive a passing Blackadder quote. Best wait until after work, I think. I fear the risk of falling asleep is already quite high.

So you will be wanting the tea then?

I wouldn't say no. Milk and eight sugars, thank you.

Gypsy Cream?

Ah, thank you very much. *dunk* *dunk*

Do you like the mug? My brother bought it back from his gap year which he spent travelling.

Yes, most unusual. I don't think I've ever seen one shaped quite like that before. *raises one eyebrow*

hmmmm but what can you expect when he spent it in Bognor Regis?

Not much of a traveller, then? Or was he on a tour of English towns with unattractive names?

Well all his friends were doing SE Asia and Australia and he likes to be different. So he thought " which out of the way place will none of my friends go to?". Bognor is completely untouched by back packers.

There's probably someone on the other side of the world thinking, "Oh, I'd love to go to Bognor Regis, it sounds so regal and dignified."

Why sit at the feet of gurus in India when you can sit at the feet of ice cream men in Bognor I say.

And yet Bognor is so often overlooked in favour of Blackpool. Why should this be?

Well Blackpool has a tower and lots of lights and a Pepsi Max big one!

Top up? Another biscuit?

I shouldn't really... but go on, you've twisted my arm. Yes, of course Blackpool is the tat capital of western Europe. Looking for a huge inflatable hammer? Look no further. Bognor doesn't have a tower, I understand?

Well nothing to rival Blackpool - but the Landladies are just as scary.

Ah, Blackpool... one of the few places in the UK where you can still indulge in the traditional pastime of getting run over by a tram while eating candyfloss. With sand in it.

So that is what they make candyfloss from - I had never realised!