h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* MaW, sitting in the front next to YQ, is decidedly peturbed. The guns and holsters aren't there any more *

[MaW] You know, if you'd let me talk to him a little longer I'm certain he'd have lowered the price some more. People like that always respond to some gentle persuasion.

[YC] Yeah, well, did you notice that I switched the account numbers while he wasn't looking? I think earning 2001 Gil is nothing to sneeze at.

[YQ] You did something illegal??

[YC] Yeah. What's new? When in Rome ...

[YQ] ... do as the Romans do. Yeah-I know.

[MaW] But still... I was enjoying myself! Oh well.

* to amuse himself on the journey, MaW creates a small raincloud that follows behind them. It is not, however, an ordinary raincloud. It's dark green, crackles occasionally with internal lightning, and produces seeds which sprout immediately upon hitting the ground. The wake of the speeder is strewn with a thick carpet of blackberry bushes *

[MaW] They should be ripe by the time we get back.

[SFX: . YC picks up his comlink and flips it on]

[YC] Hello?

[Wozzel] [filtered voice-over, excessive incomprehensible Huttese profanity.] YOU OWE ME 4000 GIL, YOU [the rest of his line would be removed by the moderator if I didn't put this instead of it]

[YC] Remember MaW, the guy with the guns?

[Wozzel] [filtered voice-over] Er ... er ... Did I say 4000? I meant 2000.

[YC] [ahem]

[Wozzel] [filtered voice-over] 1000?

[YC] [whistles]

[Wozzel] [filtered voice-over] All right, you're getting off easy.

[YC smiles]

[Wozzel] [filtered voice-over] I'm sorry about the problem you and your friends are having with this. I think I will even send you a surprise to make it up.

[YC frowns, but continues in a tone of voice that sounds like he's still smiling.]

[YC] Oh, you don't need to bother.

[Wozzel] [filtered voice-over] Ah, but I do! And you'll see why when you see it, hahaha. [click of transmission being cut]

[YQ] What's up?

[YC] I don't know, but I don't like it. MaW, get your guns back and ready. I think there's going to be a battle soon.

[MaW] Nah, I'll wait until I need them.

* he dismisses the unusual rain cloud *

[MaW] Best to be ready though, I guess.

* MaW waves a hand negligently and picks a rather large rocket launcher out of nowhere *

[MaW] How's this?

Jade: *messing about with bouches in her Jedi robe, finds what she is looking for, which happens to be a small metalic blue dics. She leans over into the front seats and places it in the music aparatus (Thik CD player). A strange but disturbingly pleasant mix of Japanese and techno begin to play. Jade smiles.*

Thras: Not "move"?

Jade: Nope. I thought some Yellow Monkey was in order. And them possibly some "Da'me".

Thras: Kuru.

Jade: *hears the conversation between the males* Huh. Battle, you say? Noooo problem.

Thras: *Produces a nail file out of nowhere and begins sharpening his already razor-sharp teeth and claws.*

Jade: Hum de hummm... *looks over at YQ.* So! Where did you go to Jedi Academy? I could do with some pithy conversation to make the time go by.

[YQ] I didn't. YK did, and when I was cloned from him -- or one of his clones -- I got the Jedi stuff flash-taught.

[MaW] My my, how convenient.

* he peers ahead, then points at a black smudge-like thing that's rapidly getting bigger on the horizon *

[MaW] Umm... what's that? It's coming towards us rather fast...

Thras: Call me crazy, but it appearc to be a black smudgelike thing.

Jade: Yup.

[MaW] My precognital cortex suggests that it might be something a bit more dangerous than your average black smudgy thing...

* he produces some binoculars and looks through them *

[MaW] Oh dear... I think it's a swarm of ticklebugs.

[The bugs coalesce to form a huge MondoTickler. Music: Boss Theme from Chrono Trigger. Each person draws their weapons.]

* MaW produces a music nullifier, and sets it to nullify and replace the music with some more relaxing music surreptiously copied from his Tai Chi teacher *

[MaW] There, that should confuse it!

* he pulls out a very large sword and waits *

[YC] What the hell kind of a Boss Theme is THAT???

[YQ] It worked, though ... the MondoTickler now has the "Muddle" status ailment ...

[[Antipode]]

[YC throws a fireball at the MondoTickler and YQ throws a snowball at it. The two meet and creat a dual-elemental mess which crashes into the MondoTickler.]

Jade: Oooh! We're being att Chrono-esque!!! What was that element??? Ah yes. Lunaretic!

*Her clothers automatically change from light blue jedi robes and a pair of decidedly loud pink army boots to a harlequin ype outfit. (She looks painfully cute.) She strikes a pose and a shot of orange coloured planets is shown. The MondoTickler is surrounded with a large flaming-looking circle which envelops and... erm, hurts him. a green display shows that 742 hit points were taken*

Jade: *does a back handspring in delight* I still got it! Yeah!

Thras: *sighs, shakes his head*

[YC] I just had an idea ... Jade, do you know any Lightning abilities?

[YQ] Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

[YC] Yep. Delta Force.

[The Mondo Tickler hits itself, bringing it out of its Muddle.]

[YQ] MaW, your turn.

Jade: *mock-sarcastically* Do I know any lightning techniques...? *nymphish giggle* Just tell me when, kids!

Thras: Deltaforce??? Yay!!! *Does a few flips in the air and lands balletically on Jade's shoulder. Does a jig.*

Jade: He he he heeeee.....

[[Delta Force]]

[Walls of energy connect YC, YQ, and Jade. The walls turn red, then blue, then yellow. The MondoTickler gets blasted by fire, ice, and thunder.]

[YC] Your turn, MaW.

Jade: Where /is/ MaW, anyway???

Thras: I dun't know... *leaps at the MondoTickler for a physical attack, guage shows 84 hp taken*

Jade: Nice shot.

Thras: Thank you.

* the MondoTickler is still reeling from Thras' attack when MaW completes casting a rather complicated and drawn-out spell. He casts out his hands, finishing the (very quiet) chant with some shouted words of invocation. As they leave his lips, the sky darkens apart from one spot directly above the MondoTickler which rapidly becomes brighter. A beam of absolute whiteness lances down from it to strike the MondoTickler with a thunderous detonation. A shockwave sends dust and dirt from the ground flying outwards past the good(ish) guys'n'gals, and the ground shakes in the aftermath of the impact as the light fades, leaving a purple afterimage on everyone's vision *

[MaW] Sorry about that, I forgot to tell you to close your eyes.

* he blinks *

[MaW] I forgot to shut mine, too.

* the MondoTickler has taken only 430 points of damage, but is temporarily blind. Plus, the special effects were very impressive *

Sorry, forgot to tell you I was going away for the weekend. I'm back now though.

[YC] Hey, does anyone know the Teleport spell?