h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Those stairs won't save you. we supplied each dwarf with a pair of stilts for just such an occasion. I think you'b better look out for what's coming up your back passage!

Stilts, eh? *consults Evil Handbook* Aha! Quick, send out the Evil Woodworm.

Aluminium stilts

I think you'd best look behind you sunshine, The reinforcments have arrived, mwa mwa mwa, ooh ick, a dirty mug, hang on stay where I can see you while I just give this a quick wipe out...

Aluminum stilts! My Evil handbook needs updating. That was a genius idea, Fate, attaching dirty mugs to the bottom of their stilts. Guffaw with Evil pleasure as they lose traction and fall down our steep stairs.

and parachutes

I'm throwing my sharpened tea spoons, but look, I'm gonna have to hand them to you EG for a mo, I have to answer a mail, I think I'm being distracted from my evil deeds

Thanks Fate. Now, how do you throw these damnable things?

I think you need to read the forum on juggling. But you must realise these spoons are symbolic. FATC is just trying to stir up your emotions. She has left indelible tea stains on my vest which I will wear as a badge of courage. You must realise she has no deep stirrings for you. Remember its only "tea for two".

thinks *Hmmm, the ploy is working, Vesty is falling for Fate. Soon he will join us here at Evil Inc. And where Vestpest goes, his laughable legions will follow.*

*thinks* Fate is an attractive woman but she holds no spell over me. If I can just make E G think that she has eyes only for me he will burst into envy and do something drastic.

Who pu7t this sharpened spoon in my y-fronts. It could have taken my eye out!

Hah! Admittadly, most evil women do fall for the good guy, but there's an exception to every cliche. Your sexual wiles will have no effect on me!
Any chance of having my spoons back? It's bloody murder trying to fish out the tea bags without them.

Ha! Your infamous mind cannot harm me with it's cunning, but pathetic schemes! As you might observe I sleep in a wet suit, thus enabling me to awaken unharmed by your evil manifestos. I shall now take a glance at the videotape which I extracted from your foul hideout.

Eeeeeewwww! The video tape shows the evil bunch eating pizza, drinking beer and toss about their dirty socks in their foul hide-out. This is nastiness uncomprehensible, their table manners leaves A LOT to be desired. It's definately an R-rated piece of film. We must show this to the world, to make them aware of the depth of the evil that emerges around us all!

I know you all think I’d deserted but I have actually been very busy while you guys have been keeping EG’s attentions on other things. You see, he’d forgotten all about poor Bruce. I found him in the Evil Kitchen with a frilly apron on baking blueberry muffins for Evil Tea-time (thankfully postponed due to a lack of tea spoons).

Anyway - after several failed attempts to get him back into his vest and on the side of the Good - I have had to give up. EG has beaten us in this one and his triumph is complete, for without The Love of a Good Man the world is once again facing destruction.

Quick - I need to find a new and much more reliable Good Man without a passion for baking or else we are all doomed ...

Gadzooks, lads and laddesses. I'm back!

Sorry to hear about little Brucie, Leeloo. He was a good man, and a dab hand at creating muffins. We shall miss him; particularly in the event of a terrorist take-over. May he vest in peace.

Due to the evil postings in the forum, it's beginning to take too long to doenload into cache. I have therefore take the liberty of starting a new thread to continue the chase of evil within. It's at http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=12708&thread=13687