h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome Tred. We needed an arsonist.
Don't put that zippo too close to the back of me. We don't want any unfortunate accidents do we?
You say you are mortal but I wonder if you have the slightest hint of bear in you?

Welcoming an arsonist into your midst? Isn't arson just a tad ... evil!

Tred, remeber what the dark side offers!

Bwaaa-haa-ha ha ha hooo whew.

Tred! Don't listen to Bad Spotty Long Neck We can offer you fame and fortune and I'm sure Duke of Dunstable will let you wax his moustache.

Hmmm. sometimes html works and sometimes it don't.
Tred - ignore the gobbledegook above. You know we are your friends. You can trust me I'm a docker.

Tred, ask yourself one question, will they let you burn whatever you want to burn?

You know where you belong. You know you will be valued most highly within the evil organisation.

Your evil brethren await you.

Bwaa....y'know

Hey, good guys...he's got a point....I can feel myself (and my Zippo) being drawn towards the dark side...(and it is a black Zippo)...but no, I like being good too much....but Evil Giraffe likes Star Wars....but good is....well, you know....GOOD! And I like gobbledeygook...it's a cool word....oh...I'm so confused.

I choose to be Good! Wait...can I do that?

Did someone take the chair from behind the door? The bad lad with the long neck's got in again. Am I defending us on my own?
*moves trunk, wardrobe, coffee machine, blow up dolphin, and 1 ton weight with ACME written acrosss it to block door*
There, that should do it.

I'm behind you!

*Vestboy breaks wind with fright*
You're lucky there wan't a lump in that!

And lucky that I didn't have my Zippo lit...wow! Close one. The "super" heroes were almost turned into little bits and lost forever. How would the world defend itself without us...wait, don't answer that!

Vestboy, you forgot about the window...oh, and the fact that there are only 3 walls to this room...blocking the door was a valiant effort indeed, but not quite valiant enough, I'm affraid. Now, if somebody would have chipped in a few more...erm...units of currency (whichever you choose) when building this "super"-fortress of ours, perhaps we could have fended off attacks from Evil Giraffe and various other Evil Petting Zoo Creatures. But alas, we must allow them to run rampant through our thread... ah, the pressures of being a "super" hero with a Zippo.

I'll be back, and I'll bring reinforcements ... or possibly some tasty tempting treats. Evil tasty tempting treats.

Bwaaa-haa- er ha?

*waving hand in mysterious fashion*

Tred, they aren't the allies you're looking for. You don't need to see their papers. Come along.

i'm with u giraffe, my extensive powers run into the ability 2 curl up into a ball, when faced with danger!
my most intriguing power is the power of lowercase typing.... very handy!?!?

I told you I'd bring allies ... and, oh, how you mocked! OK. It's slobbering time.

Darn, I mean clobbering time.

'Dillo, you hit them with a broom and I'll ruffle their hair!

DON'T CALL ME 'DILLO!!!!....whoops i slipped 2 uppercase!!!! powers must need charging.
call me rusty armor, it sounds more menacing & less like an ann summers party aid.

Profound apologies rusty armor ... now we've had a bit of a thwart I think we should return to the Evil Super Villains Secret Forum. Did I just let something slip?

Nyaa-haa-haa ... I dunno, I think I prefer Bwa-haa-ha

the goody-goodies haven't woken up yet, or maybe they r not in this country?
i have aquired a new fangled secret weapon 2 use against them, it has a brand name of bic!

Ha-ha Duke of Dunstable ... rusty armor is going to strip (or should I say shave) you of your super powers.

Leeloo, Bruce is with us. He has become a supervillain known as the Jackal. Watch the film for the evidence. Join us and you can be with Bruce. You know how they have already mistreated you there. Duke-y was actually quite rude to you. Join us, you know you will be welcome.

My work here is done. I will be back.

Ha!

This calls for a snack!
And some clean underwear. Damn and blast Heathrow Airport. They've still not been able to find my luggage.
I'll have to do the trick with the wire brush and plimsoll whitener again.
Ok, ok. Everyone who is on my side can have a high calorie chocolate coated treat and all the evil villainous people have to suck on a lemon.
Line up, line up: chocco-fatty-hi-cal-carbo-loaded treats this side.
Turn your mouth inside out lemon suckers stand over there. Next to the chap with the long neck and murky laugh.

Evil is a relative term. (You should meet my relatives!)