h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The tactic is still the same, isn't it? Olaf will scare the craps off them with his viking appearance, you'll tie'em up with your elastic underwear and I'll torture them with my facial superhair untill they reveal all, no?

In the broad sense quite right. But we have to find them first. I think Evil Giraffe is the ring leader. If we can find him... we can find him.

Let the search begin! We shall come, see and win! Sharpen that hat! Stretch those underwear! Combe that beard!

Sorry chaps and chappesses. I was having breakfast when this all kicked off. So bring me up to speed. We're under threat from an Evil Giraffe, we've got a group name, we've got a plan, but we need to find David Seaman. Have I missed anything? Throw me a fricking bone here!

Look, if this is going to turn out OK, we need to get more synchronized. Vestboy and I just rushed off, screaming encouraging nonsense of attack, only to turn our heads and see you sitting there yumming your breakfast. Nearly had us killed. We shall need an attack-cry, an alarmword that tells us when it's time to gather up and satnd our grounds. Suggestions?

How about "attack cry!"

Just a thought.

Anyway, while you two were off gallivanting, I was following the link to Evil Giraffe's secret forum hideaway. So far it's not looking too bad for the world, although I think a few animals may need to watch their backs!

Attack-cry is excellent. Easy grasped and not too subtle. We shall have to keep an eye on that giraffe-place, so we know when it tends to get nasty. And when it does, we shall fall upon it and even it with earth.

"Even it with earth": explain in no more than 22 words, please!

To manouvre an upright object so that it lays flat on the soil on which it stands. Thus "evening it with earth".

Got it, thanks.

And we should do a lot of that, should we?

Yes. Especially when I look you up next summer. Also note that I used EXACTLY 22 words to explain...

Sorry to interrupt but I thought that your attack cry was "y frounts."
I am petal, I am the super hero that you have been looking for, I have an uncanny ability to hide behind flowers (and some forms of fauna at a push, as long as its not too prickly)

I have a daffodil wand ( which only seems to appear in spring, funny that) and the occasional flower bomb. Admitedly its not a useful as a flour bomb but what can you do.

I would like to be initiated into your little band of super heros, if it is for nothing more that to make things look pretty

By the way, what was the plan again? Im sure I saw evil giraffe lurking about here somewhere.

Petal, we welcome you amongst us. Together we shall rid the earth of Giraffe and his evil hordes of associates. Your powers might come in handy, when we attempt to place a spy in their quarters. We shall have to discuss this closer and form a cunning plan.

I have a great candle here--since I keep managing to burn *myself* with it, I'm sure it could be an effective weapon against someone else...

Maybe we could use hot wax to coat your wand, so it'll last longer than just the spring, Petal. Course, we probably have to wait for you to get one again to try it...

Mmmmmm....bacon.

Peace, love and exposed underwear to all - except Giraffes.

Death to Giraffes!!

Im not sure about the hot wax bit, Im sure it would be put to better use for waxing legs. However, if you can get enough of it, maybe we can use it on the giraffe and his minions, ha ha a cunning plan emerges!!!

Anyway I was thinking of swapping my wand for something more permanent, but before I can do that I need another daffodil. Wait... Its a while before spring. I may be some time.

Beware, the ranks of evil are expanding. Our number has doubled in the last 24 hours. While you flitter about trying to come up with a cohesive plan, my Masterwork nears completion ... you have been warmed.

Sorry, I mean warned. Dang!

Bwaaa-haa-etc!

They'll never guess about the Super-Giraffe-Plasma-Cannon. Hang on, I'm still connected. Guys ... Guys ... stop working on the Super-Giraffe-Plasma-Cannon. Something's come up. I know, I know. Yes, I know that a great deal of planning went into it. Well, it's not my fault either.

'Dillo, report at once!

Hey, who has been tampering with Giraffe-video? It was set to record Dad's Army. Aw, it was a supposed to be a classic episode as well ...

Yes The battle cry of Vest boy is "Y Front." I'm glad someone is reading this. We could all have our own - I'm quite democratic.
Hang on Olaf I'll type a bit slower so you can keep up.
Now I'm going to hand out these bullet proof underpants to all as wants 'em. They've only been worn once or twice. You can wash em if your fussy.

We did the video stuff so 1 - 0 to us I think.

What we need is soneone in a plight that we can solve.

Is this you dear reader. Do you need super heroes to help you out?

Fellow beings who are interested in thwarting that which is moderately evil (and maybe that which is kinda good...just to keep it balanced), I kneel before you, my magic, black-finished, windproof (okay, so all of them are windproof) Zippo lighter borne to the heavens, flame a-flicker, ready to light...well, urm...things...on fire...in order to....eh.....bring light and justice to this world of chaos and dirty underpants. Will you accept me into your "super" hero gathering, though I am a mere mortal and deserve it not?

Oh, and Olaf, next time you're in Asgard, could you drop a line to Thor for me? Tell him he left Mjolnir in my car the other day when I drove him home drunk after that party Odin threw. Thanks.