h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... and I just missed 'em.

El Presidente! Welcome!

*Eightsome reel ends, dancers bow, applause for band, Spiny and Greebo try to get their breath back* Phew! That band must be on speed! That was the fastest eightsome reel I've ever danced.

Pres, meet my good friend Greebo T. Cat, if you haven't come across her elsewhere. Once we've done some dancing, we're going to sit in with the band with Greebz on piano and me on bass and do some gently rockin' blues tunes and some requests for blu, who is one of the nicest lady dragons you'll meet (just don't ask her to light a candle for you unless you're wearing non-combustible clothes...) She'll be back, don' worry. We'll play a nice scmaltzy waltz and she'll be putty in our hands (albeit rather warm putty). And Skeleton will reappear soon I'm sure. We left him up the road in the restaurant with a very large napkin over his torso so that no-one could see the food and drink go straight through him.

So what do you think, Pres? Can you play something with us on the stand, or would you like to find yourself a nice First Lady to dance with?

*Ladies and Gentlemen, take your partners for a St Bernards Waltz...*

Please accept my expression of Generally Feeling Welcome SPINY.
And in virtual Edinburgh, no less. Why it is almost too ironic for threads that I was in the real thing no less than a weekend ago.
Such a warm city, with or without firy female beasts.

*lets gaze wander around the hall... at the rich tapestries, the fine mahogany floor, the imposing stage where the band is set... slowly swaying to the music while chandeliers find their light unreflected in a tailormade black Savile Row suit, under which is worn a green silk blouse and equally green pochet...*

I hope I am dressed okay for the occasion. This is a fine venue chosen. Wonder how the Selmer 80 Sax would sound here...

*casually takes firm hold of passing 1977 Cabernet Sauvignon Rouge*

Maybe I had better wait until I've settled a bit before ripping out the sax. A dance would do me good... but with a dragon, no matter how blu? She would have to give me some pointers on how to lead a dance with such an imposing creature. I do think I can find someone interested in a waltz. Be right back...

*slinkling across the room in my rather nice figure hugging Midnight Blue Satin dress*
A dance Pres? Well thank you kindly sir, I'd be delighted!

A tango perhaps ? Do you think the band will oblige?

Ohhhhhhh Spiked One..... ~Greebo's eyes are misted up~... didn't The Fiery One look soooooo happy... ~grin~

Hey there Mister President Sir... nice to meet you... ~smile~... and you Mistress Fate... what a wonderful gown you are wearing... ~grin~... do you like my sparlies... The Fiery One gave me them...

I had invited you over for a waltz, but hey, what the lady wants, the lady *applies slighty more grip to left raised hand* gets!

Greebo? SPINY? You think you can stir up a tango?

oh and Greebo, please, call me Prez.

Well Greebz,I reckon it's Prez and Mistress Fate's shot in the limelight! And we thought WE were so stylish, too. But hey, a tango - let's give them the floor and let them dazzle us...

*throws Mistress Fate a single red rose*

Okay, Greebz - up on the stand with me if you will: a tango will sound just find on piano and bass...

*has a quick word with bandleader, who nods and smiles. Starts pulse "ya ta ta taa" on bass, rest of band poised to join in*

LAYDEEZ AN' GENTLEMEN, A WARM WELCOME TO MISTRESS FATE AND EL PRESIDENTE WHO WILL LEAD OFF THE NEXT DANCE, A TANGO, FOR US!

The floor is yours, you stunning couple you...

*a quick glance into the other's eyes, a straightening of back.
a short moment of frozen position as the right moment is waited for*

Thank you for joining me here, Fate . the blue you're wearing is a role model for the 'puppy of a night' we're having here.
Too bad speaking is hard for you with that rose gripped in your teeth.

*a midnight blue / greenblack form glides the floor to the edged tones of the Fender*

It is surprising, a bass playing the tango...

*heads turn with precisely-timed snaps, heels give floorboards something to think about*

Greebo, I've seen Tom play the piano once, but I never knew a cat could do THIS...

*a whirl, a spin, a turn and grin*

You guys have done this before!

The good citizens of Edinburgh, unaccustomed to such style in their midst, stand open-mouthed at the edge of the dance floor as a cold December night in the Edwardian Assembly Rooms becomes a steamy, sticky evening in a Latin American ballroom.

Spiny and Greebo reach the end of the tune, smile and nod to the bandleader, and as the rhythm section modulates into a higher key, the accordions, fiddles and trumpets join in to swell the sound and pulse to an irresistible rhythm, and a few brave souls venture on to the floor to attempt to merge a St Bernard's Waltz with a tango (some fall over...) But someone's grabbed the follow spot and pointed it at Prez and Mistress Fate instead of the mirror ball, a space is respectfully left around them by the good Edinburghers, and all eyes are on these two people welded as one and dancing as though their lives depended on it, their eyes burning bright as they are caught in the moving pool of light...

(blu! Skelly! Why aren't you here to see this?)

hmmhmmhmmhmm
Ha ha! Prez!

< Prez drags me across the floor by one foot(obviously I look very good while this is occurring!) as I throw roses to the appreciative audience>

*sidestep. back. march. return. grip. smile flashingly.
hand. side. wink? whirl.*

ready?

*grip. spin fate. let go. fate spinning away, spinning away, catching herself and her breath until finally standing a thirty metres away from me, still frozen*

ready?

*bending knees, waiting. music decrescendo. pianissimo piano underscores the tension*

here goes!

*fate running towards me, midnight blue streak under frenzied spotlight, arriving and placing one foot on a bent knee, another on an extended hand, thrust, and a midnight blue comet leaps into the air, up up up and smile at the mirror ball, avoid the chandeliers...
AVOID THE CHANDELIERS!

Now how are we going to get you down from there luv?

If I can get a good swing going *swings body*... This chrystal is heavy! And if I'm not careful I shall spill hot wax all over me and I've already *done* my legs!
Prez.. you better catch me when I eventually let go....
*swing.. swing.. swing...*

Man, SPINY, Greebo, I'm like sorry for dominating the evening like this...

*takes off jacket*
*takes step back, leaps forward, only to find himself forgetting all about gravity and rocketing upwards*

Like a in water.

*bobbing up and down next to a merrily swinging fate*

right. Are the chandeliers comfy?

well no to be fair no not really.

Shall we continue the dance?

*takes elegantly extended hand in greensleeved arm*

by all means... but can we continue forgetting about gravity for a while? I kind of like this

let go.

One hand is grasped and with Great trepedation I let go of the chandelier with the other..

*spin* into Prez's arms and then *spin* back out again

*bashful grin*
This is my first time dancing near the ceiling you know.

*the music slows to a genuine waltz*
thanks Greebo, SPINY...

*drift, sweep... two swans, one blackgreen, one midnight blue, whirl through the hall. chandeliers tinkle, mirrors have trouble believing what they reflect. all is ended with a gentle sidestep landing*

thank you for this dance, fate.

care for a drink and a chat with the members of the band?

*.....gasp.....*

*There is a stunned silence as 300 open mouths struggle to comprehend what they have just seen*

*They are still silent*

*One brave soul starts to applaud wildly. Jolted from their astonishment and wonder, the rest join in. The sound swells until the very chandeliers shake with it. Unheard amongst the tumult, a man in comissionnaire's uniform complains, "You're not allowed on these chandeliers!" To the accompaniment of cheering and stamping feet, Mistress Fate and El Presidente dance a lap of honour round the floor as the good Edinburghers, in a decidedly unseasonal move, throw hundreds of red roses into their path. After some time, the applause dies slowly. A lone voice is heard, "I suppose it'll be me'll have to clean these up..."*

I'm speechless! How do we follow that? What about some rock'n'roll later on and we can see if your jive steps match your tango?

I think it was your music that made it all happen
Man, what bass! All we had to do was follow the scales up up and away... but thank you for being so modest, Spiky one.

*lifts glass*

A toast! To Edinburgh, a rock among the stones. And to the people it brings!

And a toast to you to Prez, and thank you for a most memorable dance!
Now.. where can a girl get a Midnight Martini from round here?