h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I talked at some length with my ex today. We talked like adults for a change, and I think things are better as a result. I am feeling very conflicted about the whole affair, however, and wish I knew how to go forward.

I was going to marry this woman. To this day I cannot imagine living my life with anyone else. but the pain is all too real.

I hope that our conversations can continue and I will see where they lead.

I admire your ability to make friends with your ex, I don't think it is at all easy and is something I never managed. A civilised understanding was perhaps the nearest thing I had with my ex-husband.

But perhaps this very friendship is holding you back? You may have to let go of it in order to be able to move on.

I thought she married someone else. Am I mistaken?

I don't think an actual friendship is a good idea. I think you should aim for "civil". By that I mean that if you bump into each other in public, you are friendly to each other and can make chitchat. She doesn't respect you, Marv.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I don't mean to be, I just don't think she is good for you.

She certainly did not marry anyone.

I found a few things out last night, and I really found out how treacherous one woman can be to another. how much of this info is true remains to be seen. I am still keeping a wary eye on the procedings.

I can't simply cut Liz out of my life. She represents a presence in nearly all of my life and the though of never speaking to her again is heart wrenching.

Some women can be unbelievably treacherous, far more so than men. The funny thing is most women can spot her from miles off, men never can until they have been badly hurt. They are inordinately flattered by her attentions and are taken in by every word she says.

I have one woman in mind, she never finishes a relationship with out having another one lined up to go straight in to. Her exes had no idea that this was a recurring pattern until it was pointed out to them. We have lost touch with her and I'm not sorry, in fact if she were ever to get in touch again I would refuse her entry to my home.

I am not suggesting that your ex is like this, Marv, it is just an example of female treachery that I have personal experience of.

The treachery was in fact initiated by my Ex's best friend.

That doesn't surprise me, especially if the ex's friend was either not in a relationship at all or not happy in it. It's extraordinary where jealousy can come from and what it can make a person do.

Having been involved with both parties, I think I have a fairly good idea of all that is going on.

1) Liz got involved in somethings that she should not have. She is extremely apologetic.

2) Marv was severely hurt by the woman he loves. I put that in present tense because it is still the case.

I worked hard to get them to the point where they could talk and I am very pleased with the results of their convo. They both displayed a great quantity of adultness that was previously lacking.

Um, if I recall, wasn't there substance abuse in there somewhere? And if I am correct in my recollection, love won't solve it.

There was indeed substance abuse involved. On the subject of love: I have advised Marv to try and keep some emotional distance between he and Liz.

It takes time and effort to restore trust. And you must have trust in a relationship. Be sure you take one step at a time.

Good luck, Marv.

Good advice there, Zomnker.

Marv, take care of yourself and take things really slowly.

And you know that I will always do anything I can to support you, Marv.

If for some reason you don't know I am there for you Marv, I will kick your butt.

Ditto ! I just hope that re-establishing relations doesn't lead you back into the same situation, as has happened to various friends of ours who ended up getting hurt again and again( you know who I'm talking about)

It's hard but eventually you'll manage to find a way out of it and come through and feel much better Marv.

It does sound like an opportunity to at least work through some of the issues that were still left hanging, but be careful, Marv. I wish you all the best.

I am still trying to figure out how I am going to handle the situation, but time till tell.

and most importantly for Marv,

I, personally, on with Witty on this one, Marv. Maintain civil conversations, but don't go too far. I don't want to see you hurt again, honey.