h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I will third that motion, publicly.

Converse civilly but remain as emotionally seperated from her as you can.

yep.

Well, considering I have not heard back from her yet, I don't know that I have to worry about taking thigns too fast...

This is more or less how it played out the last time.

So does that mean she always calls you, not you calling her?

Something to think about there perhaps.

from what I understand and remember, Caer, it actually used to work the other way around all the time. That was part of the problem...

This is true, not sure what is going through her head the last few days.

I meant: does she do the calling now that you've split up?

Not that that seems any clearer at 09.30 on a Sunday after a late night.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you no longer need to call her, so perhaps your feelings are more about what could have been rather than the reality of what 'is'.

Just ignore me, I need more caffiene.

Here you go.

It does make sense now, though.

There's something to that, caffeine or no.

Marv, I wonder if you don't have an idealized version of her in your head that you can't seem to get rid of. Reality rarely meets with fantasy, you know.

It depends on who I talk to. If I talk to a certain friend with an interest in seeing the ex and I reconciling our differences I tend to decry her sins against me. Another friend is highly critical of the continued exsistance of this woman on this earth, and I tend to defend her.

I am too much of a devils advocate, and somewhere I have lost what I really feel about teh subject.

Marv, perhaps you should just forget what I and others have said in regards to her and just make up your own mind, free of our prejudices. No matter your decision on this matter, we will all support you even if we don't like it.

Zomnker... this might sound like good advice, but... well, there's no better way to put it... it's a bunch of crap: "Converse civilly but remain as emotionally seperated from her as you can."

We have very limited control of our emotions, and none whatsoever with love interests. That's like sending him outside naked and telling him to use the sun's light, but try not to feel any of its warmth.

Blatherskite, are you saying it's impossible for humans to control their emotions through Reason?

Yes. Reason and emotion are distinctly different. They often disagree. This is why we have the timeless dilemma of listening to our heads or our hearts.

Ah, but shouldn't you attempt to balance the two, rather than give in to one or the other?

I'm not saying you should favor one over the other. I just think that emotional distance isn't something you can choose. You can no more order yourself to feel nothing than you can order your stomach to stop growling.

I ran in to my ex's parents yesterday. I have been avoiding them since the break up because I did not want a reminder of it. They had along the daughter of my ex. I don't know if the shock of seeing this child who bears such a resemblance to her mother was more than that of seeing the ex's parents, but I do know that it was a fairly large jolt to my system.

I am glad on one hand to have had the time to talk briefly with S&A (Parents to L), but saddened on how they are no longer part of my life as once they were. I know that I should not feel like I cannot see or talk to them as they have known me for my entire life. However, it is hard to see them without the constant reminder that had plans gone the way I laid them, I would be a son-in-law to them now.

I wish I could think of a way to change your state of mind, Marv, but all I can say is just try and take each day as it comes, concentrate on the whatever you are doing at that moment and to avoid thinking about it 'what ifs'.

I know it isn't easy, I have never found it so, but if I really made the effort to think about other things, time passed and I began to feel better about upsetting situations and got a better perspective on them.

Well the plot thickens. My ex is now a lesbian. I am glad to know that when women are done with me they turn to the other gender for comfort.

Marv, don't you dare take that development personally!