Anger is one letter short of Danger.

Many people will walk in and out of your life.But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.To handle yourself,use your head.To handle others,use your heart.Remember,Anger is one letter short of Danger.If someone betrays you once,it is thier fault.If they betray you twice,it is your fault.Great minds discuss ideas.Average minds discuss events.Small minds discuss people.They who lose money,lose much.They who lose a friend,lose much more.They who lose faith,lose all.Learn from the mistakes of others,you haven't time to make them all yourself.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow,a mystery.
Today is the present.And thats why they call it a gift.


ONLINE smiley - surfer ASK H2G2 smiley - huh PICTURES smiley - artist

My friend has just arrived back from a long holiday on a Greek Island.Whilst on holiday he met a lovely girl and whilst they have spent the time together,he tells me they are very much in love.So much so that before he came back they made plans for her to move over here to live with him.They say a good relationship needs honesty,so before he came back they decided to be completely honest with each other.He told her that he was an absolute fanatic on golf.He eats,drinks and sleeps golf.His new love was slightly phased by this but she told him that as they were being honest it was only fair that she told him that she was a hooker.My friend reassured her by saying...
It's ok love,its probably that your not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.


Online Computer users often engage in what is affectionately called "Cyber".And some of these conversations turn out pretty raunchy.But like everything,some people are better at it than others....

Wellhung: Hello Sweetheart,What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse,miniskirt and high heels.My measurements are 36-24-36.What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 5'5 and about 15 stone.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of sweat pants I just got from a jumble.I'm also wearing a T Shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Do you want me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We are in my bedroom.There is soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and bedside table.I'm looking into your eyes,smiling.My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge package.
Wellhung: I'm gulping.I am beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: Im pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now Im unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: Im moaning softly.
Wellhung: Im taking your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: Im throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.Im rubbing your package faster,pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spasmatically and rips a hole in your blouse.Im sorry.
Sweetheart: Its ok.It wasnt expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Dont worry about it.Im wearing a black lacy bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: Im fumbling with the clasp of the bra.I think its stuck.Have you got any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.Im reaching back undoing the clasp.The bra slides off and I throw it on the floor.
Wellhung: How did you do that? Im picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: Im arching my back.Oh baby,I want your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: Im dropping the bra.I am licking...you know...your breasts.They're cool.
Sweetheart: Im running my fingers through your hair.Now I am nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze.Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What??
Wellhung: Im sorry.Really sorry.
Sweetheart: Im wiping your phlegm off me with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I take the sopping blouse and drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. Im pulling down the sweat pants and taking hold of your weapon.
Wellhung: Im screaming like a woman.Your hands are freezing.bbrrrrrr.
Sweetheart: Im pulling up my skirt.Take off my pants.
Wellhung: Im pulling them off.My tongue is all over you,nibbling on you...ummm....wait a minute.
Sweetheart: Whats the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair stuck in my throat.Im choking.
Sweetheart: Are you ok?
Wellhung: Im having a coughing fit.Turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: Im running to the kitchen,choking wildly.I looking for a cup.Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cupboard at the side of the sink.
Wellhung: Im drinking a cup of water.Thats better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.
Wellhung: Im washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: Im on the bed aching for you.
Wellhung: Im just drying the cup and putting back in the cupboard.Im walking back to the bedroom.Its dark.Wheres the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left.
Wellhung: Found it.
Sweetheart: Im tugging off your pants.I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off.I kiss you passionately,our naked bodies pressing against each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing into my glasses,It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why dont you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK,but I cant see much without them.I place the glasses on the bedside table.
Sweetheart: Im bending over the bed,Give it to me baby!!
Wellhung: I have to pee.Im fumbling my way across the room to get to the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and its dark.Im feeling around for the toilet.I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: Im eagerly waiting your return.
Wellhung: Ive finished.Im feeling around for the flush handle.I cant find it.Uh-oh.
Sweetheart: Whats wrong now?
Wellhung:Ive realised I just peed in your laundry basket.Sorry again.Im coming back to the bedroom now.
Sweetheart: Mmmm yes,Come on.
Wellhung: OK,now Im going to put my...you know...thing...in your...you know...your womans thing.
Sweetheart: Oh yes,Do it baby,Do it.
Wellhung: Im touching you,you are so smooth.I kiss your neck...ummmm...Im having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: Come on Im waiting,Do it baby.
Wellhung: Im flaccid.
Sweetheart: WHAT??
Wellhung: Im limp.I cant sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: Im standing up,an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: Im shrugging with a sad look on my face.My wiener is all floppy.Im going to get my glasses to see whats wrong.
Sweetheart: No,never mind,Im getting dressed again.
Wellhung: No WAIT!!!,Now Im squinting,trying to find the night table.Feeling along the dresser,knocking over cans of hairspray,pictures and...uh-oh...your candles.
Sweetheart: Im buttoning whats left of my blouse and putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Ive found my glasses.Im putting them on.MY GOD.One of your candles fell on the curtain.The curtain is on fire.Im pointing at it,with a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell,Im logging off,you loser.
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire!! Oh no!!
Sweetheart: #LOGGED OFF#
Wellhung: I wonder what was wrong with her?

What a guy shouldnt say after sex.
10 most important people to a woman.
Revenge at a funeral.

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Chris...Trying to make sense of a wierd world.

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