Lists.
Created | Updated Oct 12, 2003
After a wild session between the sheets,often not many words are said.But maybe silence is a better option than saying any of the following.
I was kidding about being sterile you know.
Do you always fart like then when someone puts it in?
How come its so BIG in there?
Youve done this with a lot of guys yeah?
Next time I come over,dont bother with the underwear ok.
(sniff sniff) Is that cat food?
You are great in bed,but not as good as your sister.
Maybe if you do some push ups,your boobs might grow.
Do you wanna try some of MY deodorant?
Im not into relationships,can we just "do it" every Tuesday night or something?
Maybe if you lost some weight,I could get it all in.
I never saw a girl with hairy boobs before.
I've been getting these blisters lately....
You wanna do those dishes before you leave?
You should wash that,the taxi driver will think something has died up there.
There are 10 important people in a womans life,
and they are...in reverse order...
10) The Doctor. Because he says "Take off your clothes."
09) The Dentist. Because he says "Open wide."
08) The Hairdresser. Because he says "Do you want it teased or blown?"
07) The Milkman. Because he says "Do you want it at the front or back?"
06) The Interior decorator. Because he says "Once you have it all in,you'll love it."
05) The Banker. Because he says "If you take it out too soon,you lose interest."
04) The Policeman. Because he says "Spread em."
03) The Mailman. Because he always delivers his package.
02) The Pilot. Because he takes off fast then slows down.
01) The Hunter. Because he always goes deep into the bush,shoots twice,and he always eats what he shoots.
If someone dies that you weren't exactly fond of,
maybe you could go to the funeral and....
Tell the widow you saw him move.
Go to the funeral dressed as the deceased and call the widow a fraud.
Take a dog to the funeral and make him play dead.
Take a shovel to the church.
Ask the widow if it would do any good if you shook him.
Tell the widow alot of his favourite TV shows were cancelled anyway.
Put a bumber sticker on the hearse saying "I'd rather be breathing."
Ask the widow how long before she starts dating again.
Put a parking ticket on the coffin.
Hide behind the coffin and talk to the mourners as they kneel in front of the body.
Send the widow a singing telegram from the deceased.
Tell the youngsters at the funeral that it is appropriate to sign the coffin.
Ask the widow if you can take a finger.
Tell the widow that the body doesn't look comfortable.
Ask the widow if she is aware of any available jobs.
Tell the widow you think he would look better lying on his side.
Tell the widow you suspect foul play.
Entertain the guests with a hand puppet replica of the deceased.
Put a lit cigarette in the deceased mouth.
Put a pair of shoes under the coffin.
Wear a "Grateful dead" T-Shirt to the wake.
BACK TO CHRIS'S PAGE.
I was kidding about being sterile you know.
Do you always fart like then when someone puts it in?
How come its so BIG in there?
Youve done this with a lot of guys yeah?
Next time I come over,dont bother with the underwear ok.
(sniff sniff) Is that cat food?
You are great in bed,but not as good as your sister.
Maybe if you do some push ups,your boobs might grow.
Do you wanna try some of MY deodorant?
Im not into relationships,can we just "do it" every Tuesday night or something?
Maybe if you lost some weight,I could get it all in.
I never saw a girl with hairy boobs before.
I've been getting these blisters lately....
You wanna do those dishes before you leave?
You should wash that,the taxi driver will think something has died up there.
There are 10 important people in a womans life,
and they are...in reverse order...
10) The Doctor. Because he says "Take off your clothes."
09) The Dentist. Because he says "Open wide."
08) The Hairdresser. Because he says "Do you want it teased or blown?"
07) The Milkman. Because he says "Do you want it at the front or back?"
06) The Interior decorator. Because he says "Once you have it all in,you'll love it."
05) The Banker. Because he says "If you take it out too soon,you lose interest."
04) The Policeman. Because he says "Spread em."
03) The Mailman. Because he always delivers his package.
02) The Pilot. Because he takes off fast then slows down.
01) The Hunter. Because he always goes deep into the bush,shoots twice,and he always eats what he shoots.
If someone dies that you weren't exactly fond of,
maybe you could go to the funeral and....
Tell the widow you saw him move.
Go to the funeral dressed as the deceased and call the widow a fraud.
Take a dog to the funeral and make him play dead.
Take a shovel to the church.
Ask the widow if it would do any good if you shook him.
Tell the widow alot of his favourite TV shows were cancelled anyway.
Put a bumber sticker on the hearse saying "I'd rather be breathing."
Ask the widow how long before she starts dating again.
Put a parking ticket on the coffin.
Hide behind the coffin and talk to the mourners as they kneel in front of the body.
Send the widow a singing telegram from the deceased.
Tell the youngsters at the funeral that it is appropriate to sign the coffin.
Ask the widow if you can take a finger.
Tell the widow that the body doesn't look comfortable.
Ask the widow if she is aware of any available jobs.
Tell the widow you think he would look better lying on his side.
Tell the widow you suspect foul play.
Entertain the guests with a hand puppet replica of the deceased.
Put a lit cigarette in the deceased mouth.
Put a pair of shoes under the coffin.
Wear a "Grateful dead" T-Shirt to the wake.
BACK TO CHRIS'S PAGE.
