h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I cried at Elephant Man. But I also laughed at times when I know I shouldn't, I'm not proud, but I do tend to have larger than an average evil streak

Oh good, cos I was only being polite

Fnur!

I have been out of the house a total of once in the last week, to go get ciggies. Amazing when you think about it really, I could barely shuffle, let alone walk, spent almost 24 hours a day in bed as walking/sitting/standing was rarely an option, in excruciating pain, yet I was able to muster the motivation to go to the newsagents and back. All for ciggies. If nothing else, you can't question my committment

Welkh itkth canh fe kwhyte funhay*.

I wanted one really.

You mean to say that you didn't send the childs out with a note? You could have been totally bed-ridden. Such a missed opportunity and whatnot.

* A very rubbish impression. Trin no doubt would be able to do a much better one if he was here and had an evil streak. But he's disappeared and doesn't.

I'm pthluhed. But I managed to make it past midnight.

Night night evil 'un.

N'night Trin, wherever you may be hidering.

I'm actually totally rubbish at not laughing when I shouldn't.

I have a ramble about such an occasion.

*swirlybackintimenessmists*Around 20 years or so ago, there was an advert for Hovis bread, and this chap who did the voice over's catchphrase 'it were just after t'war and we had real butter n' real bread for us tea' but he had an really odd way of rolling his 'r's but in his throat. There was also a very familiar pice of music used for the ads for years, can't remember the name of it. Summat famous by someone famous. Anyway, it was an object of impersonation and ridicule by my friend and I.
*fastforwardback to 19 years ago* Bestie friend (aforementioned) died suddenly and I was at the funeral, absolutely inconsolable, devastated etc etc. I'd never been to a funeral before, and I was just incredulous that the service, what was being said and by whom bore absolutely no relation or connection to my friend, it was like being at someone else's funeral. Anyway, this bloody music started up, the one from the ad, and these big velvet curtains behind the coffin started to open and the coffin began moving along a conveyor belt (I hadn't realised this was a cremation up until this point). The conveyor belt started sticking, and the coffin was just jerking along, the curtains were involuntarily opening and closing...and the music the bloody music...it was all sooooo wrong and totally unbefitting my friend...but all I could think about was 'it were just after t'war...'and the shoulder shaking started, and then the hysterical laughter. I had to pretend I was crying because I was so mortified and scared everybody would think I was just being a callous notrite.

Stoopid fag shops don't sell to minors.

I thought it was rather a good impression, bet it took ages to think how to type Merrickish? And no, definitely no evil streak, but a very big case of absence

Oh blimey, that was a long ramble

N'night Elebacons

Footie. Help!

I'm posting from NotGerty, yet I have no internet connection.

I'm a bit spooked

I ran away from NotGerty. She has magical powers and frightens me with her ability to connect to the internet from an electric socket

That's defintitely not right is it?

Bah! Wake up and be here!

No internet connection but you can post ... certainly makes it cheaper. I knew you'd figure out a way to pilfer internet gubbins somehow.

You're awake

I was completely and utterly freaked out last night

NotGerty came with WindowsThieving Edition

Mornin'!

I saw a Vista simulator that's much cheaper than an upgrade. You delete a bunch of memory gubbins off XP, change the wallpaper to something incredibly swoosh and fiddle around with the media player until it doesn't work any more.



You haven't tried to make her flip and flap into the tree yet, have you?

Mornin'

I got rather drunk last night

I have Vista Home Doodahs, not had much of a chance to have a good look around yet, it took about 2 hours for NotGerty to actually get round to saying Hello after all the start up install thingmys had happened.

S'ver shiny

So how come I could access t'inernet? Was I stealing someone elses magicwires?

Bah! I missed poking you while you were fizzy popped up. Will you do it again now for me?

I got bored last night. Fell out with the telly, read a bit and went to bed. So exciting.

You've not got NotGerty connected to your modem doodah? Is she being extremely kind and connected wifi-ly without any kerfuffleness?

Yes you did

I would, except I drank it all.



Really? I was friends with telly again last night. Dame Edna interviewing Tracy Emin was rather funand then there was Witches of EastwickThen there was 'Ohmigod godda go bedJush shurrup yer gob, how can you say I go'bout things the wrong waaaaaaaaaay*thudcrashflump*

No. Nuffin. I was running this one aswell at the time, but this is wirey. I have no nonwirey doodahs. I was just clicking about and then a little thingy in the bar down there *chinpoints* popped up and said 'T'internet connected'.

Put a fake 'tache on the childs and send him to the shop for more.

I saw that Jack was on. But I was all fidgety and unconcentratable.

Did you clicky the t'internet box that said it was connected? Only thing I can think of (bearing in mind that the head's not running at full capacity yet and no dinner has been eaten) is that maybe someone else in the building has wifi set up and NotGerty has seen it and thought 'ah'm 'avin' a piece o' that!' and connected to it. Maybe.

Next time you start her up to drool check the network connections doodah and see if that says anything about wireless being connected.

Gotta go stare into the great abyss of the fridge.



There's an Elton marathon on VHI too.

I'd invited a couple of friends round t'other week for food and drinkies, so bought loads of food and alchol...then I had to cancel cos my back pthluhd. The food all went to waste, but I've drunk the 4 bottles of wine. I think the case of lager may have to opened later. Who needs stoopid friends coming round eating and drinking all my stuff anyway.

Jack's coooool

I'm quite sure that's exactly what's happened and I've stolen one of my neighbours magicnonwires

I'd quite like to get her hooked up properly to the modem later, but I need you to hold my hand. Do I have to do anything other than just unplug this one and plug in Notgerty? Please let it be that easy

Ohmigodohmigodohmigod!

I thought I just saw Trin. But I think I saw his slightly shorter twin, at least he looked shorter from across the road, and he was with a girl that wasn't Clare Grogan, it made me do coffee splutterage though and be almost everso very nearly tempted to follow them down the street, hiding behind bushes and parked cars to get a closer look...but I finished my choccy muffin instead.

Really? With elbow patches on a corduroy jacket and all?

No! That's the thing, I think he might have been in disguise as a normal person, just to throw me off the sent...and made himself shorter, possibly.

It was most odd. I was craning my neck for ages after him trying to get a better look 'nah, can't be...but it's very like...nah, too short, definitely too short...then again it does look very much...nah'.
Then I got to thinking what I would do if it were him. If he'd been on this side of road and I got a better look and it really was him, I just know I would have run out of the cafe, chasing after him shouting 'Coooeeee Trin, Triiiin' like a thing demented, then catch up to him all out of breath and panting and with the cafe owner chasing after me for not paying the bill. Then say 'Hi, Trin, it's meeeee, Mrs B, t'interweb weirdo form off of the t'interweb, that you've never met...that...anyway, Bye!And run away.

*jumps* *c*

Perhaps he's only a weekday boff and at the weekend he wears jumpers and shirts and noncorduroy trousers.

I'm sure he'd've stopped to talk to you (after blushing an excuse to the girl and telling her to run away quick before she catches crazy).

Strange, isn't it. I'd spring out of a bush to talk to yoose toose. But a 'Wow, it's really you! *gappybottomedconversation* So, flants ey?'



Not fair. I wanna go live Dahn Sarf and pounce on unsuspecting t'interweb weirdos.