h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pokey*

Oy! Wherest for art thou?

(Not going for the usual suspects).

I'm el flumpo.

N'night then.

Night night

I only just popped in to say night night anyway Been ironing all the hours, me...

Ah bin workin' on the crisproad
Aaaaaahl the livealonga daaaaaay

Guard Pup? Ten hup!

Arf?

No, I don't know what it means either. Watch Footie. See no one nicks any of her best things (or any of her less best things either).

Arf!

http://www.icelandicsheep.com/images/Pup.jpg

N'awwww, good Guard Pup. Everything's been chewed a bit, but they're still here.

I can't wait any longer to go on the caravanning holiday. Wannagonowcanwegonowarewenearlythereyet?





Bought us a caravan. Guard Pup will look after it while we take the STRs for walks.

http://www.classical-foundations.com/Caravan.jpg

Can you tow it up here to pick me up? Don't drive too fast though, don't want any acci ...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1190000/images/_1194211_caravan_bbc_150.jpg

Don't panic! I've got someone to sort it out.

http://www.watchingamerica.com/images/superman_pic.jpeg

Pfft! Not him. He wears Jack Bauer 'jamas. No, I'm sending the real Jack with a spanner in the AAs helichopper.

http://topher92.googlepages.com/JackBauer.JPG

I don't have any more spoons to fix the caravan yet. I can only afford cake.



You hike to the nearest motorway service station and I'll meet you there with the Connect 4 and a deck of cards.

*beep*


























*beep*









*beep*

*beep*
*beep*
*biddleybiddleybiddleybeepbeepbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

The following takes place between 9pm and 10pm.

"Dammit, Chloe - get me patched into the FBI's top secret caravan network *now*!"

"All right Jack, I'm going as fast as I can"

*beep beep beep*

"Dammit Tony, stop stroking your weird goatee thing - how many people knew about President Palmer's top secret camping holiday in Waleshire, Ingerland?"

"Only me, Jack, Chloe... and President Palmer's Vice-President who'd stand to be President if anything happened to President Palmer."

"Gnnggnngggnnhhh - if only we had more to go on!"

*beep beep beep*

"Kim... honey... you know I..."

"Can't talk Dad - raccoons are trying to eat me!"

*beep beep beep*

"Okay, on my signal, move in and fix the caravan"

*two fingers*
*one finger*
*pointy finger*

*tromp tromp run march fix fix fix*

"Dammit - it's rigged to blow unless we can find something to jam in the towing sprocket, something rectangular with holes in it and maybe little slots at the top where you drop counters to fill up the..."

"Connect Four, Jack?"

"That's great CTU person - but where could we get hold of a Connect Four now? All the shops will be closed. Dammit"

*beep beep beep*

Me! Pick me, Jack, me, me! I happen to have a Connect 4 in my CTU lunch box.

*rummagerummage*

But there's only 2 counters left in the box. Damn it!

Wait - there's a note in here. It says the counters have been taken hostage and are being held in the Russian consulate. They're not going to release them until we hand over our camping equipment.

Damn it!

We really need to arrange a time between your ironing and my flumping to have flantwatch rambles in.

http://www.vegsoc.org/cordonvert/recipes/pics/tiramisu.gif

Night night Jack.

Jack's flumped too

I don't know which is my fave - the tiramisu or the *ginormous* gappy bottom

Night night

I was trying to figure out a way to smother the gappy bottom in tiramisu but any way I did it, it just wasn't gappy enough.

Jack's flumped? Jack doesn't have time to be tired! He doesn't even have time to have a sandwich. Not even one from Subway.

He's been up for an entire five series and he's never even been to the loo or nuffin

Wouldn't want to spoil the purity of the classic gappy bottom

He's so damned determined to create an explostastic dooveedooing experience for us.

*twitch*

I'm awake!

But not for long. Night night.

He is - that's what he lives for. That and phoning Kim when she's being chased by things

Night night

I say! Resurrected threads and s’plodin’ caravan hodilays



You were going to run away and not tell me weren’t you?

Shame, I was just *given this caravan n’ ‘orses by a very nice man.
http://www.bigskygypsy.com/Images/Gypsy-caravan-web.jpg

So, can I come? I’ll be very good and quiet and not cause any trouble or be a nuisance and I’ll stay away from all your stuff…and I have Mousetrap

*Well, when he said “I’m just nipping to the loo and if anyone steals me caravan, a gypsy curse be upon ‘em n’all them who knows ‘em.” It was obviously code for “Here, take them, the travelling life isn’t for me anymore.” So’s not to upset the horses too much.

Jangley? Is that really you?

It is!

Of course we weren't. I've even bought a childs seat to strap you into and keep your delirious self away from grabbing the steering wheel.

Gypsy ramble: my *thinks* great great nan used to see things in fires and tell rambley stories. She didn't have a caravan though.

Are you bendable yet?

*ears prick up*

*Checks name tag on jumper*

Yay! It *is* me

Does the child seat have one of those pretendy steering wheels and horn and a dangly mobile thing of pretty colours to distract me when I get bored?

There was a gypsy woman used to come and sell bed linen and pegs n lucky heather n'stuff at the door when I was a littler Jangley, she'd grab my mum's hand and tell her fortune (I think my mum was too scared to say noand she said that I was 'gifted and psychic'Although I think my mum probably misheard her and actually said I was a psychotic git

I was always told that my *thinks harder than should be usual* great grandad was, aside from being the most handsome man in Ireland, a horse breeder. Who, in order to marry my great Gran, had to elope to Scotland as her family, who were apparently rather well to do land owners, didn't approve of the pairing. I always wondered why, as I imagined being a horse breeder was a fairly respectable thing to be at the time. It transpires, as I only discovered shortly before my mum died (which speaks volumes about my mother's inverted snobbery, and probably breaks every law of loyalty she held dear) that he was infact a proper, bonafide gypsy. I was absolutely delighted by the news, if genetics and doodahs are to be believed, it actually explained a lot Oh, he ran off and left great granny with a brood of kids as he couldn't hack not being on the open road

I'm much more bendy and less hurty thankyou. I need to do some serious cleaning and tidying of this place though, it looks like Wayne and Waynetta Slob's house.

Horn and colours, shapes and sounds? Pah! Dooveedoo player integrated into the headrest.

I was doing the niceties saying the ta ra's and nice weekends when leaving the office today and told a friend (who, when I'm not saying I fancy her, I'm having play fights with) she smelled and should have a horrible weekend. Her reply was that she hoped my dooveedoo player cracked. I came home and cried.

*fills in details of Mrs B's family tree* I've missed your rambles.

Sweep all the mess into cupboards and have a cignic.

Stuff. *points*

I've always wanted to watch Dooveedoos with my ears

Really? Proper cried? N'aawwwwYou cried like a big ol' wuss pants, that's even more wussy than Trin? Really?

I only realised t'other day that I hadn't received a ramble from you in ages cos the one I thought I'd finished and sent is still only 2 paragraphs long and hiding in the drafts place

The cupboards are being held shut with sellotape

Oh yeah, and I ended up smoking again. Bloody love ciggies me

And listen with your eyes? I knew you were back to front.

Yes. Take my dooveedoos very seriously. Of course not you great daft lug! Ah'm tough. Elephant Man? Pfft! Not even a sniffle!

I know it is. Every day I come home and eagerly check my e-mail hoping for a ramble to be there awaiting me. And it never is. I shall die rambleless with a cracked dooveedoo player.

http://www.paylessmoke.com/images/marlboro_lights.gif

Oh you so are not! You're a wuss and you know it!

Please don't dieI shall attempt rambles when I can cope with more than an hour on the pooter

Oooh, speaking of which, I'm hoping to fire up NotGerty tomorrow, will you be around to hear me swear and throw tantrums?

I know, I'm crap aren't I? I was doing really well too, and it wasn't as if I was absolutely craving nicotine or anything, I just missed smoking.

Well, sort of tough. Sniffled a little.

I'm kiddin', you daft bat. Doesn't matter.

You've managed to resist her shinyness? I'm shocked. She's going to start off angry for making her wait, y'know.

Absolutely rubbish, yes. The ducks must have missed you joining them on your cignic adventures.