h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Think it's time to go for a sweetiedreamless snooze.

Night night.

*Momentarily distracted*

Hmmm. We've never discussed those Barclaycard ads with Guy and Mac off of Green Wing in them, have we? Why is that? Is it because we're blocking them out and pretending they don't exist?

What ads?

What sweeties?

Awwwwww Night night pickle

*flicks the 'reverse' switch and sends stream of sweeties back through the tube for breakfunch*

Phut! Late again.

G'night.

Huh? Wha?

Night Mrs B!

Boom tish, boom boom tish, boom tish, boom boom tish, ba da ba da ba da boom tish, boom boom tish.

Guess what I've got!

Guy and Mac don't exist outside of Green Wing. What'choo talkin' bout?

They don't? Phew - must have been some sick dream then

A tiny drum and little red outfit for tiny monkey to entertain you with?

You've been dreaming about Guy and Mac?

The ability to form drum sounds with my mouth.

So providing Heather Small with a backing track?

It'll start out like that.

But you know Heather Small. You can't help but join in with a deep "reeeeeacchh" every now and then.

Interferes with the drum solo slightly.

Perhaps you could pre-record the drumm track. Or the Small. Or clone yourself. Something must be done

So how did you discover this new talent? What were you doing at the time?

(The second 'm' should be in brackets and stands for 'mouth'. Ahem).

(Thought you'd turned into a Budhist).

s'like an interview.

Well, I was simply chatting to my good chum Lord Glanaghanbumwhistle when he enquired as to whether I could summon up my man Charlesworth to prepare us a spot of evening tea. As I went to ring the bell, I happened to stumble against the gold plated china rug and let out a 'boofm!'

Shortly afterwards I experimented with alternative mouth noises and found that I had the ability to become a funky house DJ. Rather unexpected, I must say.

*holds up dictaphone* And what's next, Ms Bacon? Are you beginning to resent the inevitable press intrusion?

Oh - and was Lord Glanaghanbumwhistle wearing his hat? You know... the hat?

The press intrusion is a bit of a bother. One can't even step into a helichopper without having one of the Daily Mail reporters publish that you're fleeing England because the pressure is too much.

And naturally, they imagine that the unhappiness at having the press swarm surround you is actually unhappiness because of a naughtie sweetie addiction.

But I do suppose that if one puts themselves into the realm of the great boom tishers, they will attract a flantian amoutn of attention.

Lord Glanaghanbumwhistle had left his hat at the mansion's door. Hats in houses are unacceptable.

I had a student in one of my classes the other day who was wearing a hood *over* his baseball cap, indoors. Sat there for the whole hour like it was the middle of the Arctic or something. I wanted to pluck the cap off and send it sailing out of the window like an old-style thwackem teach would have done. Didn't though. Bah

You are up there, aren't you? The real greats? Like Nellie 'Tonguey Drumroll' Fitzmaurice? And Huey 'Braces Cymbals' Balmstrong? And Luke 'Boom Banga Boom' Ellington?

You went to find him outside after class and did like a thwackem teach then instead?

I hope to be like them someday.

You're within striking distance

Oo! Eeteevee deux *headpoints* Echo off of Lost! Quick!

*clicky*

Kathleen Turner? Doesn't look like Lost.



A click too far.



*clicky*

Who's Mr Eko in this? Where be he?