h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

cats and dogs/ mars and venus/ boys and girls/ birds and bees

I quite agree

It's true

But then I've always been of the belief that, as a general rule, women are inherently evil and men are inherently stupid...although we all have it to varying degrees...

...some of us...like my good self...have the dubious honour of being both evil AND stupid !

I must be to some degree bipolar then, sometimes I think I'm pretty smart but then I go and do something incredibly stupid, I'm a nice guy but I can be a complete a-hole

O well, sure make life interesting **rolls eyes***

I think thats most of us...

...me, when I left school I knew that I was "relatively smart"...but when I entered the Big Wide World I learnt that being "relatively smart" doesn't actually mean you know anything...well...nothing that counts, anyway...

...but that could just be me......

And I like to believe that I'm a nice person...the people who know me, love me...but I can't deny that I am also a little evil...I mean, I come from a line of psycho b*tches...and there is more than one person in the world who's a little afraid of me...

(I think it's hilarious because I'm an absolute pussy cat ...but then, I have had evil freak out moments...)

The world would suck if we were all nice a**e kissing, pushovers
we need people to rock the boat, even sink it once in a while

Well, in the words of Tool - "learn to swim"...

...especially if you're gonna be on the same boat as me !

found something about cats and dogs...

Cats..

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.
2. They rarely listen to you
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when unhappy.
5. When you want to play, they want to be left alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater for their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave their hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.

Dogs

1. They lie around all day, sprawled on the most confortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovavble at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be left alone, they want to play.
7. They are great at begging.
8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
9. They leave their toys everywhere.
10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: Dogs are small men in fur coats

I'm trying to find something in particular

Well, glad there's someone else out there who agrees wiht me

you'll like the one I'm lookin for even more...if I can only find it
I think its the diary of a dog and a cat

It sounds vaguely familar...???

Is this the one...?

Dog's Diary:

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! DAD! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM & DAD! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of what they call "pizza." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks
with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...

Oh...
I was gonna say I couldn't find it
we seem to be on the same page there

I'm gonna shut down here soon, head home and get some cigs.



gonna try to catch up on the posts then bail out

nitenite

I will catch you when next you're in...

I'm back

...and I have been sitting here...ever so patiently...awaiting your return...

you must have gotten a little bored

I spent six hours of my life a buses today**rolls eyes***
cant wait to get my license back

I love public transport, but that's just because I'm a space case and end up zoning out after about a minute...

...it also means I missmy stop a lot!

I may get my license one day...maybe...

I used to think I'd never be able to control such a machine, specialy after learning in my gramas car...her breaks are sooooo touchy.
now I cant wait to stomp on that gas pedal vroom vroom

Today is a special day for me
its my birthday

I can drive the cars on the Daytona machines at the pub...but I think it's in the best interests of the general public if I do not take a place behind the wheel...

HAPPRY BIRTHDAY !!

What day is it there??

Its the 20th here, same as it was yesterday down under

You'll need one of those bumber sticker that sais...
"If you dont like my driving get off the sidewalk"