h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But it wasn't *that* bad, was it?



I didn't that anyone would ever find out.

Oo! You mean there is something?

What is it? *poke* What is it? *poke* What is it? *poke*

(I can keep doing that all night you know )

(Oo - no I can't, I think I've bruised my finger )

Oh, so you don't know.



Nothing, nothing at all.



Ah. That'll be this suit of armour. Picked it up in an antique store, I think they're coming back into fashion.

You're a knight!







Footie's a knight! Footie's ...



You're Sir Flantselot! You are, you are!

Well, I wasn't going to mention it...but yes. I am.

(I got to meet the Queen and everything! S'funny, she seemed quite familiar...)

Good familiar, or bad familiar? Did she want you to go questing?

Can I come?!?!?!? Oh, pleasepleaseplease, I'll be your squire (squire) and polish the horse and feed the swords and water the gauntlets and everything!

* from the <./>Info</.> page ...*

You're nutters, insane, outsane, ... and exactly the reason I came to this place.


*leaves a set of inconspicuous lock-picks, suited to armour and chastity belts ...*

Good familiar, she reminded me of you.

She gave me this envelope. I was told that I'm not to open it until the firey ball weighs heavy in the sky after the second full moon.

Well, I may need somebody actually. To hold me up, you know...No. Not for that reason. This suit is terribly heavy.

We're going on a quest!

Hey! *Looks around suspiciously*

I think there was somebody in here just now.

*Sniffs air*

Yes. I can distinctly smell chocolate.

*returns just long enough to leave an and massive waft of hanging in the air .........*

(Goddam hootoo thread lostiness )

*Appears with huge tin of horse polish, two big brushes - one tough, one soft - and a large pile of old tea-towels*

Right - better give him a polish before we set off.

Er ... where is he? Is he hiding?

Nigel? He was waiting around for you, but got a bit uppity when you didn't come back. He's gone cross country running.

Oh! Hang on. I think I can see him.



Looks like he only made it to the sweet shop.

Cool!

Curly wurly? Oh, cheers, Nigel

*polishpolishpolish*

Right then, quest ahoy - which way, guv? I mean, your honour. Er, 'Sir'? Maaaaaaam. No - oo?

She's Sir Flantselot!!!

Sountrack! Very stylish ...

Are there any flying saucers in that bag?

Please, Nigel! Oooh, ta.

I've got a map here. This route looks promising, if we carry on up this road we should come to a bridge, beyond which is a bigger sweet shop.



Yes, Sir Flantselot!
She's got arms and legs
And sits down a lot
Sir Flantselot!!!

She's got a trusty squire!
He does all the work
While Flantselot sits by the fire
He's a trusty squire!!!

Now, you take a weight off A brew before we set off?







Oh, the squire!
Watch him dash around the roaring fire!
While Sir Flantselot plans out the route required!
It's a noble scene of chivalry inspired!

Erm ... that wouldn't be the Sweetshop Perilous, would it? I heard a rumour from some of the other squires. Some sort of Grail, fashioned from frozen peas and pritt. But guarded. You know ... Dragon? Badgers? Something of the sort.

*Sits down again*

Thank you, my squire.

These wouldn't be bigger squires, would they? Some of those bigger boys can have you on. They say we're going to the holy peaprittgrail, but it ends up being a lone, wet sock.

Actually, that might be nice to see. It might be colourful.

To the Sweetshop Perilous! Tally-ho!

Best stop off at Knights R Us first. Pick up some supplies, pritt, dragon repellent and some toast for the badgers.

Well, they were quite big squires, yes. Tall Toby was there. Big Bob. Er, Large Larry. Generally the more hefty among the squires, certainly.

Do the badgers need toast? They had a couple of rounds half-an-hour ago?

Sorry. I mean: Yes, my liege!





Could I have a do you think?

But they won't be able to resist potted meat on toast!

I think that can be arranged. I'll have to fill out a few forms and request one for you of course.

Unless...



Nigel!

Have you got any mates for my squire?

Yes? Fantastic.

Nigel's just popping down to the pub to round up a noble steed for you.

Noble? I wouldn't have dared ask for 'noble' ...



See that friend of Nigel's ... no, that's him, over to the side, lying in that ditch. How many legs are ponies supposed to have? Because he seems to be one short. And is that ...

A mane toupee?

Three-legged pony with a rug ... hmm. And he's noble because ...

*Finds slip of paper under mouldy saddle*

Ah. His granny once gave a seaside ride to the Duchess of Cumbernauld. I see.

Right then! Sweetshop Perilous, here comes ...

Sir Flantselot!
And her faithful squire who has a grudge and rants a lot!

Oi!

Got a pony but but he hasn't said 'thanks' a lot!

I was just about t...

Perhaps he'd like to get back off and walk?

That didn't rhy... oh, I see, point taken.

*clip clop clip silence clip clop clip silence*

Oi! Have you nodded off?

*Circles the one and three quarters horses round the slumbering Sir Flantselot and stands guard as any squire would*

Sir Flantselot!
The quest is now begun and the...

Sssshhh!

sorry