h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was listening to that when I posted Trin's name.

*Glances at walking into wall*

Perhaps I should have been listening to Mayor of Simpleton.

I didn't think my had a name. I thought it was just 'Nigel's mate'.

Or 'Nigel's three-legged mate'. Or 'Nigel's clumsy three-legged mate'.

Not fair, is it, nameless pony?

*whinny*

Why are you lurking in your own message centre?

Or is that enormous chocolate?

I'd just come back from the shop.

I bringeth chocolate to my squire.

Aaaw - that's nice

Cor, knights shouldn't be running after their squires with

Actually, they really shouldn't, because they might end up seeing squires as a bit of an extravangance. I might get downsized!

I was already getting myself some Knight Raiders crisps, so it was no trouble.

If it's too strange for you though, I suppose that you could give it back. I'm sure I could find some use for it...

Ah, no, that's all right, I'll hang onto it. Tightly.

Ew - it's gone a bit melty. Oo, me tunic!

*Checks Squire Contract* I'm down for laundry, then? Unless you want to be known as ...

Sir Flantselot
And her backing choir!
Sir Flantselot
And her chocolate squire!

Sir Flantselot!
She goes on quests!
While her chocolate squire
Wears sticky vests!

It could be a sort of gimmick, you know ...

I'm afraid not. There's no dental plan either. That's why you never see squires in clean clothes and with pearly whites.

The chocolate squire gimmick could prove fruitful...

Say that I'm knocked off my feet in a long, arduous battle and don't have the energy to get back up. Oh, the torment of seeing the battle I should have surely won being ripped away from me. The thought of letting down my good King Geldof/Ure/Weller would shake me to the core. How could I ever face to step onto the battle field again?

Disastrous!

Unless...

*Telly switches itself on and bounces around the channels until finally settling on the adverts after Knights Of Praise*

"Do you suffer from tiredness on the battlefield? Find it difficult to stand after a dragon collision? We have the cure! Chocolate squires will replenish your energy after one quick lick of their tunic. Place your order before March 31st and you'll receive a free spray can of Dragon Be Gone!

Remember, chocolate squires are the future."

Done!

You might need some sunglasses - Nige is gleaming!

And I tried my best not to get chocolate on him, but it's not easy And it all goes towards the advertisting, eh?

Lickable tunics? They're going to have to be made of something pretty sturdy: not too chocabsorbent either, or it'll taste funny. I think we may need a

I can see myself in his shiny coat.

A wizard shouldn't be too difficult to find, they're always hanging around ye olde shoppe turning grannies into the latest wizard skateboards.

And where have you been all night? Off out in the real world? Should be ashamed of yourself...

I've been marking It's getting a bit silly now - only three weeks left to go but there's this alp of paper sitting in front of me. Measured out in hours it's ... oo ... a lot of hours

Grannies for skateboards? Is that legal?

Working on a Sunday night? How many hours do you end up doing each week?

It's not legal, no. But you can't tell those young s. The amount of policemen that have been turned into skateboarding gear.

*Steps back as a whooshes by on a granny skateboard with policeman kneeguards and a high court judge helmet*

Ruffian!

Too many Basically, at this stage, I'm either working or feeling guilty about not working

That beats tomato soup day hands down.

Look! A on a BMX copper's bike! And...a herd of the flant patrol chasing after him.

Ah - the 's only real enemy (in the wild) - the noble flant!

*Waves little pennant* Go Flants!

Oo - did you see that? Umbrella right through the spokes! They've got him ... it's a flantizen's arrest!

I am offically the happiest squire anywhere in the medieval world

(Look - they even made me a little badge that says so: 'Happy Squire - Official!')



I'll try not be unduly influenced - really I will!

Don't know what yee is speaking of.

Oo, yes, no knights, I remember

Nuffm, liege!

he he he ...

This sounds mightily suspicious. Just what hast my faithful squire been up to?

Not been with those bigger squires, have you?