h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You think that's bad, look what he's done to my jumper

Tch! Running around causing a ruckus again, humpifying jumpers, slamming do...

Humpifying jumpers?

Think I'll have a little sit down ...

And knit Mrs B a new jumper

*clickety clickety clickety clickety*

Er ... is puce all right?

Oooh, thread confusioness!

No! Puke is definitely not ok!

*Looks through bag of woold*

Lilac? Vermillion? Ultramarine?

Beige?

Oooh. Can I have Ultramarine...with lilac stripes?

Certainly

*clickety clickety clickety clickety*

*Stops drumming nails on the table*

Er ... is knitting complicated? How quickly do you think I could pick it up?

I didn't know wood came in so many colours.

*munch*

Mmmmm...toasty waffles with honey

No, knitting with woold only requires sawing the required size and shape and sticking all the different coloured woolds together with Pritt.

*munch*

You made a batch of those waffles?

They are rather nice.

Ok...diet begins again next Monday...again.

I got one!

*puts freshly baked waffles on window sill*

*wafty waffle aroma*

And where have you been?

*Sniff*

No! Don't leave again! I've been going out of my mind with boredom today. Entertain me! Entertain me!

Look! I learnt a new trick:







*Pinches waffles*





What have you been doing?

Oooh, nice finish, although I felt your could have been better.

I've been hangin' wid me new homies da builders innit cuz. Keepin' it real an ting.

I'm there all next week too, kin' knackered I am. Got to be up at 5am, so going to bed in half an hour.

Hmmm, entertainment...ok *juggles 3 empty bottles of Stella*


*smash*



I think I may need more practice. You got any plasters?

You're never happy, are you. Blummin' perfectionists...

Let me have another go:



<somersa....

Oooh, waffle crumbs!

Oh, yeah man. Home with the downies and all them funkin' rude dogs. Yeah, Milo. Random!

Bu..But.. You've been away for so long though! Baby, if you have to go away, I don't think I could take the pain. Won't you stay another few hours...

Where's my huge conker machine too?

I have plaster boards.

Ooh err, East17 quotage smooooth!

They took the conkers off and have changed it into a lifty type device Can't see the fun in just going up and down and stuff.

*sticks plaster boards to hands*

Typing may be a tad difficult.

eauodbaaduvjar;asduffsah;eawueaeiravhi?

And don't think I haven't seen you Mr Tragula...I see your eyes blinking!

I agree.

See, East 17, I'm down with the kids...

We could get a huge elastic band, nail the middle bit to the floor and grab hold of the two sides while we go up in the lifts. Wait for Trin to step onto the elastic and then we release the nail...

Oooh! I like your style!

Or even, cover him in jam, then release some Flants all over him, turn him upside down, attach a big elastic band to his feet, attach that to the crane...hoist him up to the heavens, then..Buuuungggeeeeeee! And watch him bounce whilst being eaten alive by the Flants?