Journal Entries
PLEA TO ANYONE SEEING MUSE THIS AUTUMN
Posted Aug 15, 2003
To anyone seeing Muse this autumn:
go and sign the petition to get Kinesis to support Muse! It will make it even more amazing than it already is.
www.petitiononline.com/musetour/petition.html
go on, you know you want to, and if you're not sure here is an incentive: 
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Latest reply: Aug 15, 2003
Reasons to be...
Posted Aug 15, 2003
Morbid:
self-injury
Jack off Jill an ex-band
Jessi can't come round at the end of August
scars
Ellie away
Monty Python no longer with us
the song Average Man by Turin Brakes ... excellent song but horrible subject
favourite Harry Potter character is an ex-Sirius
damn GCSE results next week, the day after my birthday
Happy:
Special Needs out soon
Ditto Time Is Running Out
Ditto Absolution! WOOOO!
Seeing Muse in December
NME gave Absolution 9/10
Jessi's sending me handcuffs as a birthday present (hopefully)
my birthday next Wednesday
Return of the King in December
Spiral Static by Muse is one of the best songs in the universe
Ellie back next week
I have lots of new red and black clothing
Karen happy again (for now)
despite the fact that Monty Python are demised, their genius work includes...
-The Chemist sketch "aha! A toilet requisittttte!"
-Spanish Inquisition
-Lumberjack song
pink trainers may soon be bought
new dark red hair looks cool
acupuncture is leading me to, for the moment, "leave all this misery behind" -Painkiller, by Turin Brakes.
Turin Brakes have a special special edition of Ether Song with a load of new things on.
"Breathe in good, breathe out bad, remind yourself of the things you have, it's eeeeeeasy"
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Latest reply: Aug 15, 2003
Self-Injury
Posted Aug 7, 2003
I don't understand why it is that I have this problem, I mean it isn't as if I have a traumatic familial situation or whatever. Or anorexia, which is another cause according to one of my friends. She's size 10 and yet when I said "but you're really thin" she murmured "not necessarily". And then, when I read her diary, there were these things about how she feels so appalling about herself. She cuts herself too. She must've started when she was, what, fourteen? She's sixteen now and I'm almost sixteen.
At least I don't have that problem. I don't really think myself all that physically attractive but I adhere to the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" attitude (how else could some women fancy Brad Pitt?) and weight isn't THAT much of an issue, unless your face gets so you can't see the features because they're distorted. And by that stage it would be more of a health than a beauty issue wouldn't it?
So, anyway. Last year I started cutting myself, along with a very close friend, let's call her Ellie. April 9th was the last time that I did something and I put myself on a cold turkey program. (Incidentally, it was in about March that I discovered a very old friend, call her Jessi, the anorexically inclined one, had been doing things for a year. What kind of a bombshell is THAT? How is someone supposed to deal with something like that?) But my family and I went to Iceland for twelve days recently, and I felt so lonely and appalling that I did some things, with a razor. And I did it just now, too. I ... it's hard. "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" But also sometimes I feel so numb and emotionless, and I think that's a cause too: I just need the blood to feel alive.
Or something like that. One of my friends, call her Karen, says I read things and then start to believe them, about emotions. But I disagree: Matt Bellamy (from Muse) said some stuff about self-injury and I don't really agree with them ... and believe me, I generally agree with Matt.
Acupuncture helps, or helped, immensely. I think I'll go and see her, call her Diane, soon, and that's amazingly good. If anyone reading this has a problem with self-harm, then please find an acupuncturist because it creates an incredible feeling of tranquillity. The first time I went, I felt like this and it was amazing, it was a feeling I'd forgotten about.
I have to go, my dad has just asked me to sort out some washing. Ah, for the days when you could sit out your angst in peace! (That's ironic/sarcastic/trying to be funny. It doesn't really work in type, does it?)
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Latest reply: Aug 7, 2003
cinnamon_spider
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