h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i went trotting round there as soon as I had entered my last post. I was just leaving when she got your email actually. She misses you.

She's running off the rails slightly in that she is getting angry with no reason, she's grumpy, depressed, and resisting cutting her arms pretty badly. I'm not completely sure what to do really. She was like this for ages and ages before and then seemed to snap out of it a bit more when she met sarah. But now she's hardly talking to anyone. Sorry you probably don't need this right now.

Interesting about you and your boy. I'm not really sure what to say to be honest. I suppose you're just going to have to try and climb on top of your fear and stamp on it. It would be an awful shame to let it ruin your relationship but I do know what you mean. I know you can't just shuffle these things under the carpet and make them go away. Yasmin told me you had been very hurt. I can't begin to fully understand that but I do appreciate how you might feel about it all.

About the guy coming out of jail. I know it's hard but I wouldn't worry too much. I put a guy in jail once and was VERY scared when he came out but he never came near me at all.

And Sarah said I was boring and too good! Much she knows! MUCH!

My boy...well. He's 19, called Max. He's about 6ft tall, but not gangly or anything. He's got chiselled features and light sandy brown hair. In fact he's perfect! Well....normally at least.
Rachel and he didn't overlap. I knew him when I was with Rachel but never contemplated going out with him. I've only been with him for a month and a bit now.

I still miss Rachel though, but not as much as I think Yasmin misses Sarah. But then I wasn't with Rachel as long as they were together.

I'm not very happy about this now. I've just been blown out! Yasmin needs to get in line, or else I need to get in line. One of us has been wrong! Oh dear. Well I think maybe I'll just mosey around until this gets sorted. I can't do it anymore because I got stuffed out. Erm...I don't think I can think anymore. I really hate doing these things and then Sarah said I was Yasmin and I'm annoyed, quietly annoyed.

okokokokokok... calm down sweetheart! Do you want to tell me what happened? I get that sarah isnt your fave person, but if you dont get on with her dont let her get to you. I cant really offer advice coz i dont know what happened....?

Well, ive emailed Yaz abit now... made me fel abit better mind.

How did you put a guy in jail? I wouldnt put it past this guy to get me after. He said he'd get revenge and he's done the worst things imaginable before. Dan (my boy) doesnt seem too worried, but he wasnt around when it all happened.

Your boy sonds lovely... he at uni or sumat? How long were you with Rachel?

sorry - this sounds like 20 questions....

Hmm okay good point. I'm not really that annoyed now that I've slept on it but never mind. Here goes.
I was talking to Sarah because I thought that she should know what was wrong with Yasmin, seeing as Yasmin wasn't really talking to her and Sarah hadn't made any effort to talk to her. Sarah got a bit cheesed off and accused me of being Yasmin under a different msn id. She's done this with several other of Yasmin's mates too. It's just because we seem to care about Yasmin and are worried about her welfare and so ask interesting questions. So she says that. Then I go and tell Yasmin what's going on and she gets cross with me and tells me to "get out of her hair". So instead of helping I seem to have just made her mad with me.

Oh well...also how are you? I hope you're alright because I wouldn't want anything nasty to be secretly festering.

ah sweets.... have a to make you cheerier... to be honest i think sarah might feel she's being pulled into a situation she shouldnt be pulled into. She probs thinks that becasue her and yaz arent togev anymore that she's no longer needed. Thats stupid really coz she should know. Yaz probs thinks its not right coz she knows Sarah will react badly to it all and she snapped to protect you. Does that make any sense... it does in my head...

Anyway - i was gona ask - can i add you to my friends list?

I'll live - dont worry about me. When i can find the ability to open up and say what i need to say, i will. Just cant find the words now...

I think I understand what you're saying and I'm not really that cross anymore as I said. I just wish SOMEONE would sort Yasmin out! I'm glad your emailing Yasmin. I think she does need you.

Sure you can add me to your friends list.

I put a guy in jail because he shot someone dead in front of me. Not very nice but you know. It was rather complicated and he only got put in for manslaughter. He came out recently but didn't come after me dispite the fact he had threatened it.

Max goes to Warwick uni and he's doing engineering. Bit scary because I haven't a blind clue about that sort of thing but never mind. He tries to explain and I act interested, and he helps me with my physics.

I was with Rachel for about 6 months, maybe 7. It was good, and we didn't have all the trouble those two had, but in the end Rachel just blew me out for not getting out enough and for just "not being loud enough".

So what about you?

I'll do what i can with Yaz - and generally be ther for her methinks. It might be easier for her just coz im a complete outsider and always will be in her life.

You're added.... thank you.

OMG! Thats a horrible thing to have seen. Im sorry... Did you know him. The thing with Ben... the histroical character in my life who gets out in August - he used to be my best friend for 7 years or so. And he did crap to alot of people (but most to me)... he abused me physically and mentally and raped me 3 tymes... my shrink thinks he brain washed me. I cant make a coment on that. I find it realy difficult to explain. I tried to post the stroy on hootoo, but they wouldnt let me so im re writing it to try again....

Wish my boy could help me with Physics, but i hate to say it - hes not the brightest boy i know... We're both about to go into yr 13, but he's down a year and hes doing IT, while i do human bio, chem, Physics and did maths.... lol.

I been with dan 9 months now and hes lovely. Everyone says we should be in love, but we're not. Its just comfy. The thing is he is NEVER serious, and i cant talk to him about the termination... before him i was oing out with my former best friend tara. She's orjus, but wsplit coz her she was cheating. We fell out a month ago coz she doesnt believe in abortion.

Funny old world isnt it....

Awww that's rough! Cheating partners is definitely NOT how the world should be!

About Ben. I won't pass comment on the brain-washing, although I find it hard to believe he could do that to such a strong character as you, and also seeing as you've been able to say things about him that suggests he didn't....
I can see why you're scared. If you're really worried about it can't you get a restraining order on him? I'm not sure how to go about doing that and I don't know how hard it is to get one.
I can see why the editors wouldn't be happy with you writing up the story. But keep trying because I'm sure at some point you'll hit it at a good level to get it on here.

I wouldn't like to be going out with someone who I couldn't talk to about serious things. That's partly what I like about Max. He doesn't ask for me to always be out there and being the heart of the party or anything. He realises that I don't like being anywhere near the spotlight. At the same time he can be serious but jokey. Sometimes he takes things a bit far but we all do! I'm glad I can talk to him about serious things too because, well, I'm quite a serious person as you may have noticed.

See what you can get from Yaz. She told me she was sorry and that's alright now. I don't want to see her get mangled up about this again though. Did you know her parents once walked in on her cutting her arms?

Cheating partners is a way of thw world though. Ive had it all before...

I think they finally let me post the article... have a look if you want. Or not. It needs sum amendment coz its abit old now but....

I have a restraining order against him but he's broken those before re other people...

Dan can be serious, just not often. Its mostly coz he doesnt realise i need him to be - i cover it all up alot. Like the other day I got abit down for not feeling maternal and he made a joke that he doesnt feel like a sex god... he said sorry after, but he does that. When he doesnt know how t react he makes a joke and it hurts. Somethimes its ok thou - about my histroy ans that. Max sounds great... i hope it lasts for you...

I dint know that bout Yaz, but i'll take care of her as far as i can dont worry....

kitten licks sweets
xxx

I can see how Dan would want to make a joke if he doesn't know what to do. Many people do that, Yasmin's famous for it, although usually she THINKS she knows what to say in the situation.

How is Yas? She won't talk to me now, so I'm just leaving her alone for a while.

How are you doing today? I've just bought 28 days later but I'm too scared to watch it on my own.

Sorry - ive been away a day or two....

I keep having break downs infront of dan... and my depression is so much worse. Im scared to go out.

Yaz seems ok. She said Matt was staying with her this week? Anyway - what do you mean shes not talking? It may just be that she suspects she'll snap when she doesnt want to and so shes protecting you. I wouldnt worry.

Watch it... you can always turn it off if you cant bare it. Alternatively get ur boy round and cuddle up to him with loads of icecream...

hope your ok...

Oh darling! try to be strong. Don't go on anti-depressants if you can manage without. My mum was on them and the world was not a particularly good place whilst she was. You've been through a lot of emotional and hormonal turmoil and so you're bound to be tearful and scared.

What exactly are you scared of? If you can identify what you are afraid of and tell someone you don't know then you can begin to tackle each part separately. I don't think cooping it up inside you is a good thing, and I don't want you to stay unhappy.

I watched the film with Max. He was really sweet and brought over a huge bar of chocolate which we shared over the film. It was good although a small bit of a let down in parts.

Yaz had Matt staying with her from Tuesday to this morning. I'm not very keen on him but that's only because yaz told me the background information that goes with him. I think she's okay. I spoke to her yesterday evening and she sounded exhausted. I worry about both of you so much!

I'm alright. My dad's getting bad again but it's nothing that a few locked doors and a carefully shown frying pan can't sort.

Ive been on anti-dz alot sweets. I'll muddle through. I had come off them just before the pregnancy, but it sent me straight back down again, so looks like im saying hello to it again. I know alot of people on them, and i know they're not happy things, but seriously, it can be worse without. Not in all cases, no. But...

Im scared of myself. That doesnt help at all, but i can try explain. Here i am - im 17, still just a kid really. I dont know enough about the world to cope, but ive had enough shit that there is no way i could have coped without knowing.... its a weird triangle im in and im scared.... very scared. Im scared to go out with my friends at night - i make excuses. Dan had a go about that last night, and somehow he talked me into going out tomorrow night, but that scares me too coz some of his friends who are going i dont trust vry much...

tell me it was double cream choccie!!!!!!

Why don't you like matt? I dont know anything about him, so i cant really comment... i need to email her, but my mail is down... Dont worry about me! Worry about Yaz, yes, but you dont even know me so why waste your worrying on me!

What happened with your dad before? *scuse me for being dense - i may have missed sumat previously....*

No sorry you aren't being dense. I'm not keen on talking about my dad all that much. He hits us.

I can understand why you are scared. Yasmin gets exactly the same so maybe if you tell her then she will be able to say something better than me. From being friends with Yasmin after Steve though, I can only say that it is something that will have to be built up slowly. There's nothing wrong with being scared, but you need to think about the exact things that you are scared of each time you get frightened and then think about how likely they are or why you feel that. It sounds like Dan doesn't really understand what your problem is, which is sad. I imagine you have tried explaining it? I don't really know what to say about him because I don't know him and I can see that you care about him a lot. Have you told him you don't trust his friends? If you tell him that you are scared then he will feel big and strong to be able to be seen to be protecting you and as well as being safe you may make him feel good.

The chocolate was Cadbury's fruit and nut. And then....he brought out another surprise! He had secretly stashed a HUGE packet of maltesers down the back of the sofa and brought them out like a magician.

I think Yasmin will survive until your email comes back . All I know currently is that she's tired, not sleeping, spoke to Sarah last night and has decided to go silent on her for another week, and is glad you're there again.
Matt....well....Matt. He's a nice guy, but has VERY low self-esteme whilst being very arrogant at the same time. He is schizophrenic which isn't a problem to me. He has done a lot of things. He does dodgy deals, and has killed someone before. He adores Yasmin, and she cares about him but secretly said she's rather repulsed by him as well I think her exact words were "Why is it that some teenage boys feel and smell as if they haven't washed their faces for 6 weeks?"

I'll worry about you if I want!

Oh! Sweetheart. Im sorry about your dad. I didnt know. I wont push you to talk, but if you need to i'll listen. Ben used to hit me and hurt me too, so sort of know where you are.

Hootoo put in my story! A1125721 is one... i duno if u read the termination one... thats A1104049(the most recent one...)

I've tried to talk to dan about it, but at the end of the day, he can't react well, so i talk to other peolpe about that stuff. It's how i know me and him wont be forever. We'll always be friends but this is as serious as it will ever get. I don't mind too much right now coz i have everyone else, just sometimes the right stuff isnt there. Ive told him im scared, but i cant tell him i have a prob with his mates, coz the one in particular is engaged to my best girlfriend. Hes probs harmless, but i just avoid it alot.

On a lighter note - i love fruit and nut but i cant have to much - it makes me sick. Maltesers - the food of love....

What's Yaz said since we talked again? Re Matt, im not about to dislike him or like him coz i dont know him. Im sure he's lovely, but he's male and that scares me... what do you mean he's killed someone???????

You can only worry bout me if i can worry about u!!!!!

much love, me xxxx

OH baby!!! I just read your entry! I'm so proud of you for putting all of that down for us to read. I'll force Yasmin to read it, or else when you get round to emailing her you can tell her yourself.

Don't worry about my dad. As I said, I can deal with it. I've knocked him out before. I don't want to moan either.

I can see where you're coming from with Dan. I'm glad that he does give you some sense of security and love even though you can see it won't go far.

I'm allergic to dairy products, so even though I love I do pay for it the next day, as I am right now.

Matt rigged someone's telephone so that it exploded in his head when he picked it up. The guy was a ba**ard though and had raped a girl, but still Matt was 15 at the time.

Yaz is bumbling around on msn talking to me sporadically. She seems alright, just misses you to be honest. I think she's realised how much she depended on your worries and affection. She also said she was making a new MD (miniture disc? no something like that?) for Sarah. I worry about that.

I'm just spending the afternoon vegging and snooping out people on here. Well actually I'm thinking I should swap my shelves around because it makes sense but I can't be bothered to shift 300 books and a multitude of CDs etc.

Yaz has already read the termination one, so... no worry. Thanks for reading.

I will worry about your dad. No one deserves that. If you need to vent then im here!

Finally! Someone sees where i come from with dan. So many people can' understand it. Thanks...

*slightly scared by thought of fone going foom, but then im sure there was a reason and im not going to judge or anything....*

depends on me? why? (re Yaz)... you want to explain?As for making a new mini disc for Sarah, let her do it. If Sarah is worth it she'll be lovely to Yaz and be greatful. If she's not worth it, Yaz might feel there was no point and will back down....

What music do you like then? U like ska like Yaz? or sumat else? Fave bands....

I'll get her to read the other one as well.

Phone going foom...yes scary. He also knows how to blow up people's shoes and other wonderful things.

The thing with Dan is (and I might completely fall in your understanding stakes now), he gives you security and the love that you feel you need right now. I know that very well, and I think if you asked Yaz then she would understand too. There are more of us understanding people out there. I wait around for the love etc to come to me, am happy when I have it, and then when I haven't got it then the world is alright. Yaz on the other hand, needs that. You know what I mean? This is why she's being messed up about Sarah for so long.

Yaz depends on you because she doesn't have all that many good friends and so misses the good ones she does have, or something like that. That's why she was so cheesed when you and her argued.

My dad isn't worth worrying about. He's being fine today, and my parents have gone out together. Sometimes he's cool, like he took me to the cinema a few weeks ago, but sometimes...he's not cool.

I like ska, but then we don't JUST like ska! People always think that and it's a nasty trap to fall in! We both like all sorts! Rock like Alice Cooper, Weezer, etc etc. More "yowey" things like Evanescence. 80s music such as randomly The Petshop Boys, Punk rock such as The Clash and The Sex Pistols, as I say, an ecclectic mix!
What about you?

I've changed my shelves around and they look great, except for one thing. I've got a spare shelf I didn't originally use and now I can't find the little pin things to rest it on.

I'm also playing Conker's Bad Fur Day.

You still here?

People are asking if they can call me Seeing as you are the cat queen I thought I would ask permission.