h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

spike: dam rite i am
Buffy: (surprised he'd say dat) well.. me and angel r ova long time ag
Spike: yea rite, its obvious u still love eachoder ... i mean look at u all weak around him .... ud do anything 4 him .... OWWWWWWW!!!
Buffy: (acceptin dat spike is rite) oh god wot is keepin giles?

ova @ xanders
there is a knock on the door
xander answers

Xander: giles ... hey com in
Giles : erm..... no i cant.... do u have an hour mabe?
Xander: yea sure ...... y?
Giles: well ....... u see buffy needs my help wel. actually its spike and buffy wants me to help so i thought u cod com 2 erm, jst in case
Xander: say no more
Giles thank u, i am most greatful

xander and giles arrive at spike's..... spike is still shoutin in agorny ( i no bad spellin)

buffy: finally! wot took u so long? and wot is he doin here?
xander: girles wanted back up
buffy looks at giles
giles: his rite
buffy: so u don trust me is dat it? y wod i put u in danger ... and u no he cant hurt u
spike: owwwwwwwwww
buffy: wot do u have?

Giles: well here are the books u needed, here are all the books about vampires we have in the magic box.
Xander: yeah and What ecsactly is rong with Mr.Owy over there?
Spike: What do u think?! you ninny!
Xander: Well i duno, im not an exspert on vampires u know! thats more Buffy and Giles section.
Buffy: not now u guys! we need to find out whats wrong with u Spike,so shall we get started on the mt. Everist of books?
Giles: i sopose we should, yes.

Buffy, Giles and Xander started flicking through the books to try and find what was rong with Spike's soul, wile they were doing that Spike was screamin out in pain every 10 seconds!

Giles: aha!
Buffy: wot?
Spike: yea ... wot? and how do u cure it?
Giles: i wod think angel went through the same thing
xander:wot?
Giles: ah yes....... well .. ur simply feein de pain 4 wot u hav done n the past
Spike: it wozn diz bad
Xander:u wodn notice u were evil
Buffy: well...... u did kill two slayers is der anything about dat?
spike: waaaaaaaaaaa
Buffy: erm, like fast

Spike: Oh, Bluddy Hell! when will it go away Rupert?!
Giles: Never.
Spike: WHAT?! what do you mean never?!
Giles: Well it will never go away, but...
Spike: But What?! cumon mate hurry up! spit it out!
Giles: ....but the pain....
Spike: Yes, Yes the OWWWW! pain what, cumon!
Giles: (gettin angry) listen, i will never be able to say it if you dont shut up!
Spike: (just stares at him like he has seen an alian)
Giles: but it will be less painfull as time go's on, the only reason it should get this painfull again after it has died down is if u do something rong. And do you know what your feeling Spike?
Spike: no, What, what, what is it?
Giles: your consents

Spike: oh bloody hell, angel seems fine and he done worse things than i did
Giles: he feels jst as much pain ... all the time
Spike: u no i chose to have this soul , and after all the torture of the tasks u'd think they wod lay off the pain
Buffy: tasks?
Giles: is that were u disappeared to?
Xander: y ..... y did u come bak?
SPike: ahhhhh
Giles: wot made u do it?
Spike: u know y ..... buffy
Buffy: y didn usayanythin
Spike: oh yea..... after wot happened? yea.. sure buffy u no wot i did? well ...... i m gonna get a soul now

Buffy: What...what....u...did it....for me....huh?
Spike: yes.
Buffy: Oh my god.
Giles, Xander and Spike: What?
buffy: i erm.... gota go....erm bye....i cant think....at the.....erm....moment...so erm...going now.
Spike: Buffy wait....


but to late Buffy had already open the door and walk out into the sunlight.


Xander: i think i'll be goin now.
Giles: yes, me to


Giles and Xander picked up all the books and walked out. Spike was left on his own thinking.


Spike: you'd think she'd be happy!


After a little wile the sun whent down and Spike got up and whent out. At Buffy's house Buffy to had noticed that the sun had gone down, and she was dreading the moment that Spike would walk through the door or the moment that she would bump into him on patrole. While she was sitting there a thought came into her head.


Buffy: Oh no, Patrole i'd better do it tonight.


She missed patrole the last night because of the homework she had to do for collage. So she picked up her stakes and all the stuff she needed and left the house.......

she started thinking that after an hourdat she mite not bump into spike after all , but then ,
Spike: buffy .......
Buffy: spike plez don
Spike: not dat
buffy: wot den?
spike: dat behind u

buffy turns round to find a vampire and stkes it
spike approches buffy and buffy approches pike.. dey meet in de middle

buffy: plez .... let me speak, i no wot happened and i now i think u r truely sorry, i mean after 2day
spike: sorry 2 say it like dat
buffy: i m fine wid it now
spike: look ...... i still love u
buffy: spike
Spike: no wait and i also no u neva will, but i want to help u ...... any way
buffy: thank u

Buffy and Spike take a slow walk through the grave yard.

Buffy: quiet night.
Spike: yeah
Buffy: i wonder where everyone is?
Spike: most people are tucked up in bed.
Buffy: no, i mean like vampires and that where are they all.
Spike: duno must of knew you where coming.
Buffy: since when has that ever stopped them before?
Spike: hummm....
Buffy: you know i do apresiate you, you know.
Spike: thanks


a strong silence filled the air. Nither Buffy or Spike knew what to say.


Spike: so.......


But before the convisation could of got started again. two vampires came from out of now where. Buffy manage to stake 1 but the other 1 got away.


Buffy: pasky vampires, always coming at the wrong time.
Spike: Hay!
Buffy: ermm...not all vampires


Buffy and Spike bust out laughting as they walk on. after patrole Spike walks Buffy home.


Buffy: (jokly says) thank you for walking me home, but im a big girl i can take care of myself
Spike: (not getting the joke and gettin rather uncomfitable) ermm....yeah
Buffy: i was joking.
Spike: oh, yeah


Buffy steps up to Spike and kisses him.


Buffy: Thank you.


Buffy walks in the house and closes the door, and Spike turns and walks home with a big smile on his face. Back at Buffy's house Buffy walks up stairs and go's into Dawn's room to cheak on her.


Buffy: Goodnight Dawn.
Dawn: Buffy.....
Buffy: yes.
Dawn: im sorry about skipping school.....
Buffy: it's ok.
Dawn: goodnight Buffy.
Buffy: goodnight.


Buffy leaves the room and closes the door.



NEXT DAY...........

willow is working on a spell, she hasn been doin spells since wogt happened becuz she woz afraid that dark williow wod com bak......... but she finally decided to do a spell to c if the hellmouth wod be openin up any time soon....... bcuz there wozn so many vamps anymore and all the demons were keepin away from the graveyuards.

it woz now dark and spike woz out ....... he woz...... he slaying ........... hmmm....... in secret....... to help buffy to let her concentrate on her job and sister, he didn realise that this woz bringin questions up about the hellmouth

later that evening ... battered and bruesed, he went bak to his cribt to find williow and the gang there even buffy and dawn.........

Spike: erm...... hi ......
Williow: hi
Buffyin a odd way) hi spike
Spike: huh?(confused at buffy's exited to see him tone...... not that i mind..... but wot r u doing here?
Williow: we need ur help
Spike: my help? (surprised)
Williow: yes, we were wonderin if u had .. well noticed anythin weird around the grave yaurds lately? like a shortige of vamps or somthin?
Spike: (not wantin 2 worry buffy) erm.......... no y? it must jst b a bad time for vamps ..... u no word has com out that buffy has died twice and com bak that can scare people u no
buffy: really? y didn it scare u ( in her excited tone again)
Spikegettin freaked by buffy) erm... no ...... bcuz i no u
Buffy: oh spike
xander: ok spike is a buffybot again ......... or wot hav u don 2 her
Spike: nothing!!! i don no wotz up wid her?

Xander: ok, Buffy's finaly gone mad!

Buffy: no i havn't Xander, im just in a good mood.

Willow: right, anyway back to the problem about the vampire shortage, i mean pritty soon Buffy won't be needed anymore!

Buffy: hummmm....u know i don't mind that idea! i always wonted a normal life! but (getting worried) u guys will still need me right?


Xander: of course! your our friend how can we not need you!

Willow: Yeah, you will always be here if we need a shoulder to cry on or something.

Buffy: ok, i dont like the idea anymore! u guys wont neeed me as much! i like to be needed! we NEED to find out what sort of plan the hellmouth is coming up with!

Willow: Buffy....

Buffy: yeah Will,

Willow: you have gone normal again!

Buffy: hummm.... i guess worry took over my happyside.

Xander: ok, we need a plan, willow whats the plan?

Willow: well.....i think the first Vampire we see,we should tie it up for questioning! (the group stare at her) What? its the only way were gona find out!

Buffy: ok, its nearly dark im gona go out on patrole soon to capture one. Spike........

Spike: Ermmm.... yeah Buffy.

Buffy: is it ok if i bring it here for questioning?

Spike: ermmm..... yeah sure.

Buffy: ok thanks, right were gona need a stake each just in case it trys anything, you can never be to carefull.

Xander: ya no after you interviewed it....

Buffy: yeah.

Xander: your gona stake it right?

Buffy: of course.

that night the place was full of vamps..... spike didn hav a chance to get rid of them
Williow: ok , now diz is weird
buffy: wotz goin on
Spike: erm...... mabe their having a party ...... lets go ...... u jst go hom and rest or somthin
buffy: ok , spike, i no somthins goin on i no u no.
spike: wot? !!!
buffy: tie him up
Spike: hey , u can't do this
buffy: i sed the first vampire i c
spike:buffy
buffy: shut up spike
spike: vampire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
buffy: yes i no u r
spike: no behind u
buffy: oh ... der its gone, oh yea i will take care of dez and u take him bak to de cribt
spike: "the" don u mean mine???
buffy: jst go

spike's tied up and buffy comes bak

buffy: rite , wot do u no
spike: nothin
buffy: now spike be a good boy(in a sexy voice)
xander: buffy ! do u no wot u r sayin?
buffy: can u guys leave us alone?
xander: no ..... buffy he is..... well....... vamp
buffy: fine den don't ..... but shut up
spike: ok ok , look ..... i don want diz to turn into a freakshow
xander: well u already hav a couple of times
williow: xander!!! but the idea is eww
buffy: please!!!!
spike: look , i ve been goin out and killin the vamps so that u cod get on wid ur job and look after ur sister, ok
buffy: u did dat ...... 4 me?
spike: buffy....... oh course
buffy: its sweet ...... wot if u die!!
xander: dat wod b good
spike stares at xander but doesn say anythin
xander: wot? u r a killer not meanson u slept wid my girlfriend
spike: i woz drunk ..... we both were
buffy: ok ... enough we r goin
xander : no this is gettin good
spike got angry and broke free from the chair he woz tied to. he vamped out
buffy: spike ...... no ..... please
but spike woz already pissed

Spike: Listen Monkey Boy, if u dont shut up i'll.....

Xander: ( in a non frieghten way ) do what kill me?

Buffy: Listen the only body doing killings around here is ME! Xander, Willow leave now please!

Xander: But....

Buffy: GO!


Willow pulls Xander out and drags him home.


Buffy: Right whats up with you Spike and put that face Away NOW!

Spike tries but his too angry
Spike: erm.... is it gone?
Buffy: no
Spike: heng on , let me carlm down
Buffy: wotz wid u lately?
Spike: u think if i knew i wod be like diz?
Buffy: well....... u been so strange
Spike: oh, u try bein lonely and an evil that hurt anyone, a vampire who is feedin on blood and sleepin wid a slayer!
Buffy: (shamed) well... we've all been under pressure lately
Spike: at least ur not alone
spike's face turns human
Buffy: u carlmed down?
Spike: unset takes ova
Buffy: ur not alone
Spike: who do i hav? not u ! ur a slayer ur spose to kill me , monkey boy der is de only one who knows dat.
Buffy: xander! he is jst worried
Spike: yea ... well he don hav 2 b , imean i wod like him to be but im stuck wid diz chip, u know i once used to go out into sun and write, and i know i was a nerd but , i cod do things i can only dream bout now. i mean becomin a vamp , dat woz a good thing , like the poetry , it neva worked, iwas an idiot, but jst to b human wid no worries like demons , thats my dream now
Buffy: ur not alone, i ain all dat human eder, and i can relate, i felt alone too , a lot , i mean while williow and xander can go pary every nite i hav 2 slay, and growin up so quick , i neva got to do wot i most wanted.
Spike: that was
Buffy: find a normal guy , hang out wid friends
SPike: yea, u got som good friends der, true dey r, i mean u neva no who to trust , look at us, a vamp trustin a slayer, workin 2getha somtimes, whos herd of dat!
Buffy: strange world

( SPOILER! - Mizzy_Masters spike's dead and he comes back a ghost and he dont have a chip, we have to rite on from season 7)

Buffy: Look, ermm.... whenever we talk you allways seem nice sometimes then nasty...... and i know it's not exsactly easy......

Spike: got that right.

Buffy: Is it my fault that you do this, have i upset you?

Buffy: Look, ermm.... whenever we talk you allways seem nice sometimes then nasty...... and i know it's not exsactly easy......

Spike: got that right.

Buffy: Is it my fault that you do this, have i upset you?

Buffy: Look, ermm.... whenever we talk you allways seem nice sometimes then nasty...... and i know it's not exsactly easy......

Spike: got that right.

Buffy: Is it my fault that you do this, have i upset you?

Buffy: Look, ermm.... whenever we talk you allways seem nice sometimes then nasty...... and i know it's not exsactly easy......

Spike: got that right.

Buffy: Is it my fault that you do this, have i upset you?

Spike: no, guess not, jst wen u lo....... erm
Buffy: its k , u can say it
Spike: love can make u do stupid things
Buffy: ya, i kindda noticed
Spike: u neva loved me did u , u neva will
Buffy: i dont no
SPike: its k , i can admit it
Buffy: how com u no so much bout love?

Spike: well when you've lived for centrys you kinda pick it up.

Buffy: oh yeah. Erm... look i know i havn't been the easyest of people to get along with but, im glad.....glad that you've been here to listen and everything.

Spike: well, im always here for you, you know.

Buffy: yeah, and im greatfull.


(Buffy hugs Spike)


Buffy: well ermm... wana come and help me on patrol, i should think the vampire's are back.

Spike: yeah.



Spike and Buffy leave Spike's crypt and start to walk through the grave yard.