h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I know which I would prefer to do...

I love housework.

Alex, trust you to miss the point ....the ideal/perfect man has to do all of these things to make the qualification

There is no such thing as the perfect man, I am sure.

Besides, if that is what is expected of the 'perfect man', thank goodness for my many imperfections.

Sounds like hell to me.

What, cunnilingus is hell?

Well, if that is all you expect from the perfect man...

It would get a bit boring after a while, surely?

Alex...get boring after a while !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL
Now I know that you are not a female impersonating a male for def. Only a man could say that it gets boring.
I can see we girls need to knock you into order

Well, this isn't really my specialist subject, but Alex - I'm sure that after 30 minutes of paying lip service, any (in)decent woman would allow you to get on with a bit of boring. If you still had the energy, that is

Leggy/Fleety, I am quite sure that this sort of boring would be less boring than boring old cr***et which involves lots of exercise with no obvious purpose.

This existence seems to be a little one-dimensional; surely, the perfect man should be capable of sexual gymnastics as well as showing a 'linguistic' adeptness and an ability to wipe the kitchen surfaces?

Oh well.

Don't worry your pretty little head about Alex

Fleet, my good lady, I won't worry not least because I ain't got a pretty head.

The question is: is cr***et better than sex? If it is, sex is evidently grossly over-rated.

Alex Good sex is better than anything on the planet, even cr****t and good food and wine I try very hard only to ever have good sex and it works...see this smile ? Now you know why I have it

But Fleety, as with sex, cr***et requires good technique, patience and concentration, but even these virtues may not guarantee top performance on the day. And, crucially, the quality of performance depends on the quality of the opposition or - in the case of sex - the partner.

As they say, form is tempoarary but class is permanent.

Oh. I thought it was supposed to be fun. And a bit naughty. Not like PT at school!

Alex...you do have some funny ideas Sex is not about concentration, it's about losing yourself, abandoning yourself and giving in to your most basic desires. My idea of good sex is warm, gorgeous, slushy, sweaty lovemaking with my man, not some sort of competition as to who has the best technique but a wild exploration of instinct and desire

Er, maybe not the best time to ask this - but does anyone know how to get rid of grass stains? Alex - you must have some tips

Where are the stains...what sort of material...I shall then consult my hefty and largely untouched domestic handy hints book...I think a former mother in law bought it for me

Sounds like cr***et. No, honest.

Back of a skirt - cotton (maybe cotton/poly but mostly cotton. I got the stains when I was roll... sitting on the grass this pm

Grass stains? Have you been 'playing cr***et' too, Leggy?

Try applying a stick of Vanish before washing; seems to work for me.

Looks like Alex beat me too it...I was going to suggest old fashioned fairy soap and a nail brush. Soak object in warm water for half an hour and then lightly scrub with brush and fairy soap and then wash as normal. Should do the trick

Now where were we with Alex's sex education lessons?????