h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What do I do to them? My, isn't someone suspicious? I don't do anything to them other than observe their most curious mating behaviors.

*Bureaucracy is wonderful, isn't it? *Yes, that's why you should give up. *You're welcome. *What does your mother do?* *Don't worry, I'll believe it blindly.*****

Of laziness?

So would I. I'll have to attend the next one I'm invited just to prove you wrong.

Best of luck to him, you mean. How is Tara? That is how you spell it, right? *cringe*

Mating behaviours??? Eeeew...

*Yes... Completely horrible, and slow, but it works, up to a point... *I consider it a temporary suspension, and I strongly suspect that it has something to do with you... *Weeeee.... *She collects buttons, but more to the point, she's a teacher... *No you don't!*****

Yes... I'm only lazy when I don't need to be anything else...

Oh I would LOVE that...

Yeah, well, in Norway we usually wish the owner good luck too... She's fine... Just fine... That's completely correct...

I botched that. What I meant was courtship behaviors.

*Up to a point. *I am a terrible influence. *bowsheadandrepents* Bah, why repent when I can be a baaaad girl?? *Weee! *What does she teach? Why is button collecting related to teaching? *cockshead* *You're absolutely correct, but I get points for trying.*****

Smart thing, that.

You don't think I could survive, do you?

Yes, that do that here, too, but it doesn't make sense to me. Good, I knew I'd get it right eventually...

Hmmm... are you studying mine as well?

*Drives me mad, really... *Not at all, I think it's doing me some good... Indeed... *WEEEHEEE! *She teaches primary... everything... Nothing at all, but I felt I should say it nonetheless... *I'll grant you that, which reduces my lead to just over 238 points...*****

Could be...

I'd give you about a million to one chance, provided you wash your hands and avoid epidemic outbreaks. "And million to one chances crop up nine times out of ten."

Well, you care about him, and you'd be sorry if something happens to him, so it's natural, in a way... Indeed...

Who are you courting? You're supposed to inform me of these things.

*Yes, that's why it exists. To drive insane people sane... *What, me trying to behave? Bad me, bad me. Baaaaaad...*saidwithasheepsbah* *Primary? Little ones, then? I love kids, but I don't have the patience. She sounds like an amazing lady, your mum. That makes sense, in a strange way. My mother hasn't worked in twenty years and is currently in school for her fourth degree. She's absolutely brilliant but quit working when my older brother came along. *You do NOT have that much of a lead. I hardly ever tally my points. *mumblemumblemumble******

Sounds goot to me. Notice how careful I was and didn't say, 'Sounds goot do me'?

Who's the one, me or the geeks?

Ach! Job with dogs. New dog to stay with us who I'll train and show. I get paid, I get free travel, and I get to have a buttload of fun. WEEEE!

No-one. Which is why I was wondering if you were monitoring me... Because I'm not courting... and shouldn't be monitored...

*And sane people crazy... * Sheep... *Little ones, yes. It's the same with me. Well, we have a good relationship, yes. Always reasonable. Hehe... see? Hmm... would that mean that she's always cleaning the house, or are you lucky enough to avoid that? *Prolly not, but I don't think we've been keeping scores for a while (and he sticks his head out yet again) *Complain, complain, always complain!******

Thank you... Yes, that could've caused a misunderstanding...

Both, in a way. It's a million to one chance, but your chances improve if the guys go first...

Sounds fun. Is it well-paid?

Well, because you said something, I will now monitor you whether or not you are courting.

*Isn't it a grand cycle? *I hate sheep. *Babies I can handle, but, when they start thinking for themselves? Bah. No, mother dearest cleans, but she mostly does driving for us. She does laundry and...invades my room and tries to establish order. *Oh? *raiseseyebrows* *Well, trade off. You whine, I complain.******

Well, I said it once before and was mercilessly attacked, so I've started thinking before I type.

Have no fear, I'm more devious than I appear.

Yes, especially for a teenager.

Go ahead, I wonder how much monitoring you can do from over the pond, though?

*It is, it's a good thing I'm not on the sane side... Things can only get better... *Don't we all... *Oh, no, I would like that, too... Oh dear, I'm glad I've avoided that... *Yup... *Satisfying, isn't it?******

Hehehehe... good idea, that...

It rhymes...

Ooooh, lucky ducky...

I have my ways, I have my ways. Quite honestly, I'm waiting to get a phone call from someone who monitors the satellite-based cameras. I probably provide endless amusement for them...

*What can get better than being insane? *That's the only thing I don't like about CAKE; they say that sheep go to heaven. If sheep go to heaven, then I'm definitely going to hell. *Bai-bies, bai-bies, bai-bies. It's rather funny, really. *That's most interesting. *Strangely, yes.******

I told you I was brilliant.

I didn't mean to do that.

So much fun, so much fun. More babies for me.

Really honestly? Ah, yes, I can imagine that monitoring me would be rather amusing... With all the weird stuff going on around me...

*Good point, that. All for it's purposes... *Ah, but I love that song... I just choose to see it as irony... *Not quite yet, though... Hehe... I think I would go mad if someone were going to do that... Actually, my granny would do that whenever she came to visit... I couldn't find my stuff for ages after she'd tidied... *What interests me is that you didn't bite... *Hmmmmm... I wonder why...*****

The brilliance of LEARNING from one's own mistakes...

No, but it gave me some very interesting associations to a violent computer game... Muahahahaha...

Now, I must admit that I would prefer puppies to human babies... At least now...

The weird stuff going on AROUND you? Oh, I forgot, *you* wouldn't be doing anything *weird*...

*Purposes, motives, and the derivatives of monastic monkeys. *I do like it, too. Irony. *I guess it's that people who appreciate clutter have a highly-developed organizational system. *I told you I was being have. Besides, I didn't think it'd do much more than start an unhealthy 'did not', 'did too' match. *Couldn't tell you if I couldn't remember...******

Hey, it's better than repeating them, isn't it?

Oh, great. Care to explain?

I love babies of all sorts, but doggies never grow up and human beans do.

I tend to cause some of it...

*Hello, have you got a banana? *Irony is good... *Yes, I don't need to keep everything in a system, because I KNOW where my stuff is... *Yes, but you're freaking me out!!! *Then perhaps we should settle with not knowing...*****

Aye, but it would be better to learn from others as well... I wasn't mocking you, anyway...

Not really. It's just in "Max Payne 2", there's this russian character, and he usually says stuff like "Have no fear, Vlad is here"... Extremely funny when you read it, but not in most other situations...

So you prefer doggies, right?

Ah, and the truth is revealed.

*Actually...no. *Irony is good. *You know where it is unless someone moves it... *How am I freakin' you out? Am I acting too much like you???? *I'm good with it. Are you up to it?*****

I have trouble living vicariously. I realize that.

Oh, swell, I guess I need to work on my Russian accent...

Not necessarily. I love all babies equally, but it's the growing up that's the problem.

I would've thought the truth was obvious enough not to need stating...

*Damn... what about now? *Absolutely lovely. I wonder what they DO mean, though... *Precisely. *You're just being nice when I know you usually wouldn't... You're doing something I don't expect from you, and breaking up my fragile illusion of reality... *I could possibly shut down the little scientist inside me screaming for answers to everything...*****

Perhaps just as well, as that often involves not really living...

Hehehe... You can't do a Russian accent?

Exactly, so you would choose a puppy to avoid the problem...

I don't nag.

*Only if you count it sliced up and in yogurt. *I'm not sure it'd be worth it to know...*Clutter and asterisks. *Poor, poor, wittle you. I'm suffering a strong desire for variety at the moment. Besides, from experience, REALITY SUCKS! *Aw, don't even bother. Just smush him. ******

Ha, that's almost be worth it.

I can do one, but it's a little too clipped. I haven't had any reason to practice, of late.

Not after today.

Where did that come from?

*Nope, not it... What about peaches, then? I could kill for a nice, juicy mango... *No, perhaps not. The song is still excellent, and I'm trying to make up my mind about the accompanying video... *Yarrr! *Reality is nonexistent... Reality is relative. I prefer chaos theory, which generally states "s*** happens"... *Can't, he's inherent in my nature... *****

Almost, but not quite...

Well, mine's probably horrid... Even though people have thought I was russian when I wasn't even trying...

Awwww... I'm sorry. I'll talk to you about this later...

Damn! I'm back, and you're not online... Sorry about popping off there, but my parents were ruthlessly calling me in for supper...

Just random thoughts. My word association must be off today.

*Peach season hasn't started, but I've got peaches that I canned and froze last summer. Oh, man, mangoes. That's as close to heaven as you get. Oh, kiwi, casava, mango, papaya..tropical fruit! *The accompanying video? *What exactly does 'yarrrrrr' mean? *And boy does it. *Smooosh hiiim...******

Guess not. *sigh*

You sound nothing like a Russian. NOTHING. I'm still not feeling that at all.

*sigh* I'll grumble in a minute.

Yes, I was gone too.

Ahh... Well, I don't do quite a lot of things, like drink coffee...

*Ah, well, it might suffice... I rarely eat canned peaches, to be honest. Mangoes are grand. I brought a litre of Mango Juice to TG... Mmmmmm... I remember thailand was a fruit orgy...*salivates heavenly** Well, a music video for sheep go to heaven... A cartoon, about a guy with a poodle who is very sad about not getting time off from work when everyone else goes to a gig. He goes mad and kills everyone at the gig... Rather odd video, but incredibly amusing in a morbid way... But at the same time, I feel so sorry for the poor dog when it dies from eating poison... *I have no idea, I just wanted to say it...*Sure does... I love the scientific theories which state quite clearly that nothing's completely predictable, and that science is therefore sort of pointless... *That would involve killing myself. I've tried living without stimulating him, and it doesn't work!*****

I know....

Hehe, well, I've changed my accent (three years with a teacher from oxford wrecked my accent entirely). I haven't done my mock-russian accent for you, and I see no reason to do it....

Just as long as I don't have to pick up on it, then go ahead. You probably need it...

I know. I thought I might've been offline while you had come back on, seen that I wasn't there, and popped off again...

But, boy, does it smell loverly.

*I don't either. I usually put them in cobblers and wiggies. A liter? I'm like that with orange juice. I could drink gallons of the stuff, but the citric acid makes me rash out. I'm drooling over fruit. Thailand is very fascinating. *Hahahahahaha, that's so incredibly sick. But good, very good... *Oh. No meaning behind it? *How to Drive Science Teachers Insane, by Øyvind. *Well, if you smoosh him and stay alive, you've won.******

Sad.

I'd do it to blatantly confuse people. I've actually found myself slipping into accents that I've been surrounded by before for no reason. On the occasion, I've found myself saying 'been' like 'bean', and 'coffee' like 'quafee'. It's funny to me and people always start asking me questions about where I'm from.

I'm still trying to stamp down hope at the moment. When I sent my mom out to the car so I could talk to the vet about what was really going on, I ended up hugging him, so I'm good for awhile.

Nopers. You're not *that* important...