h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You've never been snow bathing? Grand sport, I must say, though it cannot compete with skinny dipping. Knitting is good. Busy hands are happy hands and happy hands are busy.

*I sure as heck know it isn't my fault! I didn't raise him, and therefore can't blame any of his shortcomings on myself. Programming, TG...somehow this does not compute... *Well, just try a little harder. We've worked hard to get four and we might as well keep them. You'll feel better about yourself. *Hmph. I am TOO normal. The world is the weird part. *Just maybe? What were we talking about? *This is practice. You should train regularly for the mindless dribble. It'll help you through exams...*****

Yes, but I did not BREED those hybrids. I have not raised those hybrids from flask and already know what they look like as I've seen them in bloom already. The one that is getting ready to flower now is a species and will bloom exactly as that type does. No, it's not the same.

Wow, had I *yawn* known that you were such a vengeful little whore, I *yawn* wouldn't have done it. Well, actually, *yawn* I would have. I know *yawn* you would have told me to read the back*yawn*log which is why I told you not to tell me *yawn* that.

*yawn* My jaw now feels as if it's about to pop off. I'm sure it doesn't.

Well, I've done it once, but it's uncomfortable... Anyway, I prefer socks to barefoot in winter.... Indeed, so I love percussion...

*Good. You just said you were smacking yourself for something. Yes, I'm a computer geek, but I'm still more of a music geek... *Maybe, but it's bloody hard work nonetheless, and I need something to whine about... *Or was it the other way around? *I dunno... It's lost in the mists of time and backlogs... *That's a different form of mindless dribble...*****

Nonetheless... It's very similar, you're just afraid of admitting the awful truth...

*yawn* Done is *yawn* done...

Hehe... then my job is done. You've done it too, haven't you?

Oh, but it's fun. I was a bad girl and went skinny dipping today but it wasn't snow. I love my sandals and would wear them year round, but I agree that there is something unpleasant about purple, stiff toes. What?!

*I shouldn't have gone out with him, but I did. Oh, well, I don't have to answer very many of his phone calls. A geek is a geek is a geek, is that what you're trying so subtley (sheesh, I can't spell today) to say? *Whine, whine, whine. How is it hard work? All you have to do is reply to my questions and there you have it. How's underwear? *No, I'm sure I was correct. I'm always right, remember? *I think I shall let it stay that way. It might be safer for both of us. *Not really. It follows the same basic concepts though it does require having to sound intelligent...well, fairly. *****

I don't have a clue as to what awful truth you would be referring to. Big difference.

*yawn* Bite me. *yawn* And you started it.

I do hate you, you just don't know it yet. Of course, that's why I said that it was a talent. *bows*

It prolly is, but it's still cold. I've done it, once or twice, straight from an indoor swimming pool, out in the snow, and then into the pool again... You said something about happy hands being busy hands, and I said that that's why I love being a percussionite...

*Well, did you know in advance that he didn't have a personality? I don't think you did, otherwise, you wouldn't have dated him... No, I'm just saying that I'm not only a computer geek... It's subtly * Underwear's grand... *It's a question of definition, of course. Wouldn't you like to be weird, though? *Maybe... maybe... It might help preserve what little mental health we've got left here... *Yes, you're right about that. But I don't wish to try for that here... I usually sound terribly arrogant when I write esays, though I never present personal opinions, save at the very end of the paper... and then only moderately.*****

You're just in denial...

*yawn* maybe, but you sustained it...*yawn*

Sorry... And talented we are...

That's what hot tubs are for. Of course, doing that can cause problems, but it's too much fun. Hmm, I think we need to clean our pool. But your hands can't always be happy and busy playing percussion.

*Yes, but I had my suspicions. He called me today. Ugh. Subtly, then. My brains are addled from cleaning products. *Underwear is almost as grand as rocks. *Nah, being weird would take too much work. *Mental health? Where? *Doesn't everyone? I sound like a banshee and you sound arrogant. Paper is the best place to work out your frustrations next to punching something, however.*****

You still haven't bothered to tell me what I'm in denial about.

Yes, I do hate you.

You're not, but you are forgiven anyhow. Of course.

Indeed they are, that's the fun bit about it. It's still more than a tad uncomfortable, though... No, which is why I love working with computers, too... Programming keeps the hands busy, too...

*Ah, well, that's just what happens. Sometimes, you've got to take chances. Muahahahaha Ahh, cleaning products, eh? *Does that mean that you're into geology, or that your underwear is hard and stiff? *No worries, then. If you haven't got it, it can't be damaged.. *Well, yeah. Some people sound downright prejudiced, though. Hence why I avoid too concise or biased conclusions... It is indeed. My preferred way is writing satire... I'm horrible at it, but I still enjoy doing it. It's a way of using excess cynisism...*****

Perhaps you're just in denial... Read... something.

*yaaaaaaaaaaaawn* There, done... I feel much better now.

Oh I am. I was, at least. Lovely, isn't it?

Yes, it is rather uncomfortable. Going back and forth between two extremes in temperatures makes most people gaspy but it almost kills me. *snort* I'm being nice today.

*Ugh. Just ugh. Cleaning products. Floors and walls washed, SIR! *I hate geology and my underwear is usually nice and flexible unless I'm wearing formal wear. Then, I must submit myself to the female torture of underwear with boning in it. Not too uncomfortable, or I wouldn't wear it. *Precisely. *Satire. I'll have to send you this paper I got back today. Absolutely empty but I made an 8/9 on it. I'm good and the teacher loves me. Back to satire. It is grand. I just hate that people in my classes are too dense to get all of the digs I put in. They're subtle but they're rather snippish and ingenious, if I do say so myself...*****

About WHAT?

I changed my mind. I hate you, yet again.

You are? Of course, it's lovely.

Indeed... but the adrenaline rush, eh? Are you? I would have thought you'd be horrible on a Monday, but there you are...

*Not your fault, so why be angry about it? It's just life. I get obsessive cleaning sprees, but not too often... *I like geology, for some reason, but it all depends on the teacher, I suppose. Underwear with BONING in it? I've never even heard of that over here... hmmm... *"Well, I figured there was no point using my sanity now so I should save it for later..." *Oh please do... I like writing satire, but I keep it to myself. I can be subtle, too subtle some times. Mari gets it, and some times Kristian... Yes, you just did say so yourself, or at least write it...*****

That was the point... In denial of everything in general... Never mind, you wouldn't understand, you're of the wrong sex...

Hehe... I'm getting used to this, you know. Now, now, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THAT STAPLER!!! AAAAAGH!

I was... there's a difference... Weeeeee

I didn't have a horrible day...just a long one. I am usually very mellow...unless I've eaten the strange food. I did spend half an hour today talking about cheesecake and cake in Spanish. Yo quiero que tu comas la torta...

*It just makes me frustrated. He was just so darned cute and smart. I try to avoid them because they disturb me. I usually on go on them when I'm upset. *Rocks, bah. I won't go into the mysteries of feminine underwear. *Later? Why do you think you'll need it then? *I'll have to send you my satire too. Rather biting. Muaha. You'll have to send something to me, then, but translated, please.*****

Probably. Happily.

I don't have a stapler about me in here, it's the industrial hole-punch you should be worrying about.

Brat.

Allright... What sort of strange food is that, anyway? Mmm... I had cheesecake today... "Salut, tu as une tarte?"

*Cute and smart, but too shy to say anything, in case he would start an argument... Poor guy... So do I, or when I'm freaked out by having nothing to do. Does that mean you were very upset about something this weekend? *Hmmm... I won't argue this with you, because I really don't know why it fascinates me... Oh, please do, I love knowing things that the other guys don't...*Hmmm... good point, but I should still save it, in case something comes along... *Oh, please do. Most of mine's handwritten, in Norwegian. I'll see what I can do about translating it... It's been a while since I've written any, though. I have to be in a very special mood...*****

Indeed...

Is it sharp?

Well, you did get me worried, and you've still got me worried... I don't want to be worried and sorry at the same time...

Cookies have been ruled the 'strange food.' Mmmm, cheesecake...you ate it naked, right? Hola! Me gusta la torta mucha.

*Not even shy, I don't think. I can handle shy, but he was just...totally lacking in personality. What a waste. Nah, I was half assigned the task and it needed doing anyway. I don't have anything to be upset about. *Rocks. I honestly think geology and computers are predestined subjects at which males accelerate. You want to know about boning in underwear. I am the daughter of a skilled seamstress, so I ramble quite a bit. *I can see doing that. How long is the usual shelflife? *Wee. Sad.*****

Indeed?

No, it's very heavy and very, very, VERY blunt.

Conflict of emotions, no? I'm the one who's crazy at the moment. Completely weirded out for no reason. About second period, I went into the energy slump, barely crawling through classes. At lunch I knocked over every carbonated beverage in my path. In history I was having leg spasms which tend to be painful. Maybe it's stress but I wasn't particularly stressed until last night.

Aha! Well, the cheesecake was naked... J'aime bien les tartes...

*I would have had it down to him being shy, but I suppose you would know better... OK... I was thinking I might have missed out on some discreet hints... *Odd thing, that. I didn't know geology interested males in general... Perhaps it's a caveman instinct. The survivors were those who took a natural interest in rocks (and it's uses...). Go ahead... *That all depends on which temperature you keep it in... * Sad indeed... I'll have to pick it up again at some time...*****

Why not? (am I sticking my neck out here...)

Good thing I'm locked in a place no girl would DARE trespass...

Aww... Sheesh... and you're blaming it all on that convo with me, no?

This is a little too...normal for me...

*No, he's perfectly open just...blank. Ekky? *No commenting on the caveman instinct, I'm being a good girl today. I would also make a comment about that comment, but I'm leaving it be. Ahkay, for what it's worth. First, there is the extremely useful invention of the brassiere. In most of these handy dandy things there is a lovely little wire or piece of hard plastic, referred to as 'boning' running the length of the band underneath the bust. That is an underwire and is used to further support those with massive breasts. In bustiers, formal gowns, stays, and any sort of garment that is fitting or supposed to do any 'shaping', there is usually similar boning. In bustiers, it runs the entire length of the body, being more concentrated and firm in abdominal, waist, and solar plexus areas to compress the usual trouble areas of paunchy stomachs and thick waists to smoosh it all up and make you look like you have a large bust though you usually end up looking like a primped up tramp... Formal gowns usually have boning in the waist and bust areas because you can't really wear the usual undergarments under them. The only problem with boning in formalwear is that it's absolute hell to alter. I have to gain at least five pounds in order to make my dress fit decently for prom. Stays are hot and damned annoying and are usually only worn if you're vain and overweight or going to Civil War/Revolutionary War/French-Indian War/pre-1900s reenactments. I was forced to participate in a Civil War reenactment because George Rabbi is really into it and convinced me to go. Had I known that it was going to be 85F out, I wouldn't have worn the things. Anyway, stays are basically boning ranging from the top of your hips to the middle of your ribs that have to be laced up. The goal is to get you waist at least two sizes smaller than it is in order to make your butt look huge in petticoats. I'd go into garters, but they don't have boning in them. *Okay, say STP...or maybe room temperature. *Pick what up again? Senseless rambling?*****

Dunno, haven't the foggiest.

I have no sense of 'girl's out' because I was allowed in, therefore, nothing is sacred.

No, I'm blaming it on me being incarcerated in my house for a month and getting no exercise. Sherman did have a break-through seizure this morning, however.

You said you wanted to be normal...

*Oh dear... Poor guy... Never mind, how's life? *Hehe, too good, I think. Now, this was interesting... thank you for enlightening me *Oh, let's say... about four weeks, if kept in its packaging... *Writing satire...*****

Neither do I...

Allowed in? You're not here, are you?

Awww... Poor dear...

I'm doing a mass sociological experiment...very fascinating.

*Life is living. It's a lovely thing. *I have to behave sometime. You are now enlightened. *What's the point of even storing it? *Oh, geetcha, gotcha.*****

As don't I.

You said girls could come, you dirty, rotten toady! Besides, I was invited to a much, much, much, much smaller LAN party this weekend...I know little about computers and declined because the dogshow was this weekend.

Ah, well, enjoy him for as long as I can, right?

What's that experiment about, I wonder...

*Good, good... What have you been up to lately, then? *That depends on which results you would like to achieve... Thank you.... *Dunno, might come in handy...*Arrgh, you've dropped a sentence!!!****

I wonder if anyone does... What was this about, anyway?

Nobody prevents them from coming, but would they DARE? Ahh, I am now wondering how you would hold up during a party like that...

Do you really think it's THAT serious? What's wrong with him, anyway? Poor dear... I go soft whenever there's talk about doggies...

Strange people.

*Me. I upset you, went for a run with the Beedge, got rum and coke dumped all over me, and am sitting here. A perfectly lovely day. *sigh* If only it could last until school was over. *Ah, the results I achieve are inconclusive, therefore, I shall resign to being naughty. *Seems like a waste of energy. *Button, button, who's got the button? *Did not.*****

Uhhhh, dunno and I'm too lazy to read the backlog.

They obviously dare if they are there. I would hold up very well, thank you. I can handle a room full of geeks. *preens*

He had a head injury and it's just gotten worse. He never had seizures until that happened. My baby.

And what is it all about?

*Sounds great... well, at least you'll soon be done with it... I've got another year of the crap... *Thought so... *Coming from a huge-bag-person like yourself, I take that as a compliment... *Not me... *Did too.... read the backlog!*****

Me too... I think I'm transferring some of my laziness to you...

Allright, you win, I was only joking... Which I'm sure you know... Yes, but could you handle a hall?

Awww... Poor little thing... Does the vet know what's causing it? Has he made any predictions at all?

Strange people. Not weird people, strange people.

*Good luck with that. I would have thought that you'd be done with it by 18...seems to be an international standard of some sort. *I tried and I get credit. *Indeed. *swipes off hat* *I have a button collection. *Did not. I would never do such a tewwible thing.*****

I don't need any more, honest.

I win. Wee! I'd be fine, the geeks, however, might be imperiled.

The head injury damaged his brain. WE have to take him to the vet Tuesday because mama and I are worried. His abdomen is slightly distended and we're praying it's not his liver. Phenobarb can do that.

What do you do to them? What is the hypothesis you're attempting to prove?

*Well, Norwegians take longer than that... bloody slow school system... *Yes... I've tried too, and succeeded for quite a while... It was boring, though... *Thank you... *So does my mother... *I could prove it, but I don't think it's worth it...*****

Maybe not. I think I've got just the right combination...

I would be willing to risk it...

Awwwww.... Poor, poor, poor baby... Well, best of luck to you...