h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

and write something for tomorrow's .

Instead, I write a journal to calm down again.

My mum called earlier today. When we last talked, I had to eventually tell her that son #1 had stopped going to school, and what had happened here since, because when she asked, I couldn't not tell her. I knew what would happen: she's worried.

Well, my mum asked about my son, how he is coping etc, and as he just came here at that moment, she could talk to him directly and all was well.

Not so my dad. I had to listen to 'what he would have done'.

Yes, I can imagine that, I left home the very year I had finished school to never return but for brief visits.

'You as his mother should have seen that coming. You are his mother, you should have made him go to school', yadda, yadda....

'Dad, he's come of age, he's 19, there's no way I could have made him go to school. I couldn't even make an appointment for a career counselling for him, they told me he had to do it himself.'

And so on. I know just why I never told them before.

Fortunately, they are a good 600 km away, as it's bad enough the m-i-l lives just round the corner and had 'things to suggest' because she's worried and 'well-meaning'.

Unfortunately, her massive interfering with matters led to the situation we have now. However, I can't say anything, because I'll be the ungrateful d-i-l once again who not only is a lousy housewife (I am), but a bad mother, too. It's all my fault.

Don't you just love this black and white painting, this stereotyped thinking?

Oh, Bel.

Sometimes a good mother has to sit back and watch her more or less grown children find their own ways in the world, even if it means watching them make mistakes. A good mother knows that nagging, trying to force, etc, will only mean anything she has to say is less likely to be heard.

It's a shame your parents and m-i-l are so unsupportive of you and have so quickly forgotten what it was like to raise a child. Though I guess your folks did all right, since you seem to have turned out well.

Oh, my mum was worried about all the 'right' things, but my dad has always had his very 'unique' style of educating his children. It's funny, because on the one hand, he doesn't agree with the situation as it is now, and on the other hand he told me what I should have done, where I failed, and that he'd sent my son to boarding school had they lived nearer - where, according to him, they'd have 'straightened him out'.

Thanks. Guess that's what you need, too after your day.

It amazes me all the time that so many people think they know all the perfect solutions for somebody *else*'s situation.

As you said, B'El, your son is an adult, and he's at an age where he's going to make his own decisions. There's not much you can do about that, and, long term, it probably wouldn't be a good thing if there was. There comes to us all a time to make our own decisions.

It's a pity about the reactions you got - but it's also worth remembering that leaving school isn't the end of the world. If someone doesn't have the inclination for it anyway, and is set square against being there, it's probably one of the most useless places they could be.

He's old enough to make his own mistakes and can always return to education later. I did at 25, after working for 6 years.

Older people tend to try and tell you what they would have done in certain situations and it, more often than not, is useless.

Have a , and a

Hear hear, KB. We all have to find our way in this world, and if something feels wrong at a particular point in time in our life, then it probably is wrong for us. People should stop trying to pretend that there is some "perfect" way to get through life.

I agree, although it seemed such a waste of time to leave school with just one more year to go to finish it.
However, school made my son ill, so I'd never have tried to 'force' him to go.
He now has the chance of doing something he likes doing: he'll start his 'voluntary social year' as it is called here in August. He'll work with school children (1st to 4th grade).

Afterwards, he'll probably do his military service, and the he can decide what he wants to do for a living.

Oh, and I pointed out to my dad that children often don't take the path their parents expect them to take.

Hey Bel, looks like you had the sort of day with your pareents that I had with my area manager. Best, perhaps, to just write off today as a dead loss and start again tomorrow.

Oh, B'El, I do feel for you.

I don't know much about you, but 'straighten him out'? What has he done wrong apart from try to go his own way? He's nineteen you say. Old enough to be in the forces,to be married, emigrate etc. The more you fight his wishes the more alienated he will become, and at nineteen he still needs him Mum (and Dad) but in the background, just there when needed.

It is a hard lesson to learn as a parent, when you still think of them as children, which they are, but they have to fly the nest to learn to live an independent life. If the grandparents, In Laws or Out laws, can't see that, then try try ignore them. He is your child, and you are not a child to be rubbished at will.

If school made him ill, then he is better out of it - the Voluntary Social Year sounds like it could be the making of him.

Oh, and think on this, most of the self made millionaires in the world started out with little or no education, and still made it. I can think of several who were very probably considered to be beyond hope who made it spectacularly.

Back him up with whatever he wants to do, even if you think he is wrong. He might just change his mind if he finds support rather than condemnation.

All the above from a mother who probably did all the wrong things for the right reasons, but my two have turned out ok. Not high flyers but I am proud of them.

my friend. Now go and do your piece for and try and put it out of your mind for a few hours.

Websailor

Oh, I will. Writing this journal was the first step, actually.
It's always good to get things off my chest, and hootoo is perfect for that. And I didn't want to bore people (other than my friends ) by mentioning my problems yet again in my editorial. I guess if I did, they'd be happy to see the back of me - but then maybe they are anyway.

Sorry, Webbie, simpost.

You are right with what you say, and I know that my son will always come to me if he needs me. In fact, he comes here every day to get his and from me. He tells me everything, and our relation is as good as it always was. He knows that I've always supported him as best as I could, and always will do.

I went through the same thing with my parents They thought i was a bad mother because my daughter went off the rails for a while, rather than offer to help they just dictated to me what i SHOULD have done etc etc.
You're doing perfectly well at handling the situation and don't let anyone else tell to otherwise.

Thank you, Venus. I'm sorry to hear you had the same problems.

I sometimes wonder if I'll be like my dad when I'm old? I hope not.

I can tell you from experience, you'll not turn into your dad, in fact you will make a point of not doing so.

I hope you are right. I know some people who get more and more like one of their parents the older they get. It's worrying, because I know that they NEVER wanted to become like their parents.

I always pass on good advice. It's the only thing one can do with it.

Oscar Wilde.

Yes it's true that some people do, but not everyone. I'm not like either of my parents as far as attitudes go, which is just as well really

Is there any polite way to tell them all to get out of your hair?

Failing that, try an impolite way.

TRiG.