h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Come on now, Rik, pull yourself together man, there's a war on, dontcha know?
That's what my mum used top say when I feigned illness because I hadn't doen my homework. (Except, of course, she said, 'Graham', not 'Rik'!)
It always worked, except when I really was ill, when she would instictively know and serve up the Lucozade.

So, the thing is, Rik, to get the OH to pop out and get some Lucozade - not that new Sports stuff in blue bottles they advertise blatantly at all athletics meetings, but the old stuff in a big bottle with sloping shoulders and a sort of yellow cellophane wrapper. Basically, it's neat sugar, but it was nioe tasting when I were a lad (drifts off into a nostalgic reverie......)

Seriously, I do hope you're on the mend, Rik. I'm afrais I'm remarkably well, apart form constantly tired, but that's age and not6 enough real sleep - they go together.

Day off my driving job today, but a morning on a seminar for my parish clerk job - I have to take professional qualifications as a condition of the job. BUt that's not too strenuous and then the afternoon to catch up on church accounts, the overdue parish accounts and marketing our little house in Costa Brava. I hope the weather isn't too lovely or I'll prefer to get out and about and then the accounts will never get done.

Have a good day both of you

Hi Polly and Folderol,well,after waiting months to see a consultant about my tummy problem I seem to have been sent away with a flea in my ear.

Apparently I did'nt need the endoscopy proceedure the very pleasant female Muslim doctor I saw decided that I probably was suffering from large colon problems or IBS,I must admit I was definately irritating on my departure from the hospital.

She stated that my type of abdominal pain was quite common(oh dear nothing posh for me then)and basically I could like or lump it,the fact that I had'nt had constant belly ache for 58years fell upon ears well deafened by her fashionable scarf.

Still after being told all my blood analysis tests came back better than normal,'spose I aint got nuffin worf whingin' 'bout,excuse me folks it must be nearly time for medication(yes its true you knew I was on something)well these placebo tabs are taking there time tonight

Hard luck, Rik. It sounds as though you haven't got anything identifiable and so you have to - excuse the expression - lump it!

If it turns out to be IBS, I do feel sorry for you. I can appreciate -but not from personal experience - how uncomfortable it can be.

I'm going to have a 'finger job' when I get my prostate checked at the prostate clinic in a couple of weeks. It's my first time at the clinic - I have a mental picture of a load of 60+ men lining up with trousers around ankles and a doctor with a box of surgical gloves and a large crooked finger beckoning us.

Hi Folderol.strange you should say that "60+"as I sat gloomily awaiting to see the chosen one ,I happened to glance around the clinic's waiting room,it was a little disturbing the fact that for the first time I realised all the people around me looked old,yet some of them were younger than me.

I suppose it is all down hill now?

Hello my dear old fellows!

Rick~~if your symptoms persist, you must keep-on at your GP. I suffered for quite some time (horrid things). And then I had a very acute illness. The GP had no idea what was wrong with me. But I insisted that I felt dreadful (and I really did). So I had test after test. And finally an op (to rule out certain things). It was then found that I have diverticulitis. That can be a dangerous problem. The time I took really ill was when I could have dies with blood poisoning. Now that my condition has been recognised, I have been told that I MUST seek help immediately if I have further problems. SO, you MUST NOT suffer in silence. Without tests after tests, my problem would not have been diognosed.

So sorry to seem so glum. I'm considering you. You have suffered for absolutely ages, haven't you. Watch your diet. That is very important with any colon/bowel problem. And if you have a bad bout, stick to a 'low residue' diet for as long as is needed (and lots of water). That means white bread, plain crackers, white rice etc. No ruffage until the immediate problem subsides.

Ah happy days!

I do hope that you are both well. The sermon sounds perfect, Folly. Well done.

Polly

Cheers Polly,so I can eat carp? and still die

Dear Rick,

My apologies if I have said too much that is miserable. I'm simply considering you. As does our Folly.

I'm sure that you will overcome your immediate discomfort. I realise how active you are, and I pray that you will soon be at work etc. Look after your body. That is all I was trying to say!

Polly

Goodnight dear Rick.

I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you.


Polly

Morning all

Mornin' Rik - and Polly, if you're up and about yet. Pleasant enough start to this spring morning, lots of birds at the feeder - blue, great and long tailed tits, dunnocks, our robin - aren't they the happiest birds in the world? - and luckily the pigeons and starlings aren't about creating mayhem and cooing down the chimney half the night as they did earlier this week.

Do pester the doc, Rik, as Poll says - sometimes, even the nicest GP seem to just want to get one out of the surgery. I suppose they have such pressure, but that isn't an excuse for them not to be thorough.

Normal day for me - driving, home for a few hours doing the parish council accounts and, as I do every day, try to tidy up my study a bit - it's a losing battle - then back for a couple of hours driving, dinner. Chilli con carne tonight - mince already in the freezer, just add chillis and paprika and I think some roast veg - peppers, aubergine, courgette, onions. My turn to cook, but that's ok.

Then off to watercolour group - we're trying doing landscapes from photos onto postcard size paper tonight - forces us to be a bit minimalist and miniaturist which I like the idea of but find v diff.

Have a good day both of you - weather supposed to be grey and showery here - 1st of May, eh?

Hi Polly and Folderol,it has been a nice day here up until now when the hail stones started about the large pea size.

I had a letter today off head office telling me that for now Im one of the lucky ones as my work base will remain the same in Brum.

This week has been a terrible week since Saturday morning when I started feeling giddy,I've had a sore throat a really high temperature then Tuesday I woke up with a cold sore on my lip and a huge stye on my right eye.

So to say I have had an awful week is as you can summise obvious still after sitting many time with a hot tea bag on my eye(Typhoo made in Brum of course,ooooooh get you'ooo)It has finaly opened(hooray)so I no longer feel like cyclopes,(although Im sure he's better looking)so folks my shadow will dawn once again on my work mates as I'll bravely go back into the yard tomorrow too face the barrage of boos and cheers,that is worthy of any genuine male hero who has suffered as only "men" who have truely suffered know

Honestly! Men!!

Hello you two hale and hearty friends!


Rick~~you need a week on the Costa doo dah! Relaxation, warm sun, lots of vitamin C and D, and fresh foods.


We have had a beautiful day here in Hampshire. It was so warm in the woods this afternoon. I had to be dressed for possibly heavy showers, but we didn't get any. I was far too over-dressed. We had the heavy showers yesterday. I got caught, with the dogs, in the hail storm. We were drenched.

I played the piano at church this morning. Our Pastor accompanied me on his guitar. I had managed to change the whatsit on the piano/super-dooper keyboard, so my Pastor had a struggle to find the same key as me! But we muddled along very sweetly.

What are you both doing for the bank holiday weekend?

I am trying to get back to my watercolours. The photography has sort of got in the way these days.

Rick, my dear, are you taking any supplements? I expect that you are. You need them. You are obviously very run down after these last few weeks of poorly health.


Have a very happy weekend, Folly and Rick. I pray that the sun shines on whatever you do. And on your families.

Polly

xx

Hi Polly,sorry if I failed to raise at least one of your most delectable eyebrow's,but "run down" is far too trivial for a monster mortal such as I,"steam rollered or run over by a freight train might tease a mere twinkle of understanding of the sheer agony that only a superhuman could only tolerate for no more than the mere est mili second,yet with the pain threshold of the mightiest gnat although I can still force a breath through tortured lungs battle weary from a weak shell that was once more man like sex symbol,I now raise my erect(pause)arm to say the immortal words of all us (and there are now ohhh so few)males to say "please miss can I go to the loo"

Hi Rick.

I believe a medal for bravery is in order? I shall be in touch with her Majesty on your behalf.

Now come on, young man. You know about the teacher and nurse that is in me! You can keep your erections down by your side and pay attention to me and Folly-who care a lot about you!

But seriously, I'm so sorry that you have really been 'through the mill' recently. You are indeed the h2g2 hero.

Sleep well, and DON'T overdo things tomorrow. We really DO care about you.

Goodnight dear Rick.

Polly and her Pixie.

xx

Mornin' (just) all!!

Great to hear a cheerful Poll and here's hoping and praying for a healthier Rik v soon.

The weekend beckons and, as I read your message, Poll, I had just finished my list of tasks for Sat and Sun - I have to make lists, or I forget to do things, which has been the bane (sp?) of my life and presumably, with ze leetle grey cells diminshing at an alarming rate, will not improve.

My list? V exciting!

Finish grouting bathroom tiles - started in January!
Sort out the new cable to the pond waterfall thingy - I went through the old one with a spade! (The previous owners laid it and it wasn't armoured!)
Try to get an electrician in to give a quote for new lighting in the bedroom - not an easy task, finding a reliable electrician.
Check out my large groundsheet to see if I can adapt it as a large mess tent cum shelter for our family camping gathering at Golden Cap, west Dorset, in July.
Finally, continue to sort out the mess that is my study.

Jan's doing reports all weekend, and this weekend is normally a write off!.

Monday's best bit as we're driving to Oxfordshire on the Thames to meet up with daughter Becky and Charlie for lunch then a walk. It's about halfway and Becs is v busy the rest of the weekend, too. Looking forward to that. Anyone know what the 'Trout Inn at the Tadpole Bridge' is like?

Hello dear Rick and Folly.

Rick, how are you feeling today? Is the cold-sore healing nicely yet? And the head and throat? Have you been out and about or resting?

Folly, you have health problems too, don't you? In the plumbing department I recall. I hope it doesn't cause you discomfort. What old crocks we all are! But how we all feel comfortable with each other! That's really good.

I had a wonderful electrician in Wimborne. He is a retired man, and goes to the Methodist church. Everyone in the many churches there know of him so he is in great demand. He charges next-to-nothing for any work undertaken. I really miss him.

Golden Cap. That will be super if the weather is warm. It is a beautiful place.

I know of a brilliant pub in Dorset. It is my absolute favourite. For Sunday lunches, they serve about 9 vegetables! Really-they do! The garden is a delight. There are so many trees and shrubs so that one can be very private. It is set in the middle of nowhere (thankfully! The hordes haven't yet come across it). The puddings are all made on the premises and are incredible. Their home-cooked ham is the best I have ever had in any pub. And their chips are to 'die for'! I might let you both into the secret........

I've been at the coast today. It was gorgeous. It was such a hot day. The IOW shimmered in the distance. And the coastal birds were numerous. Wonderful.

My grass is SO long! I did a bit of digging at 6am today (mad~~I know)!!! I must get the lawn mower out tomorrow. It's in a horrid dark shed type thing, and everything gets wet in there......

I fear I have a rat-run in my garden. I don't want anything poisonous put down because of Pixie. I have stopped putting food out for the birdies, which is such a sad shame. Last year I think I had as many mice on the feeders as birdies!!

Hi Polly,yep I am a bit better today,I have been to work and Im in again tomorrow,though I hope it's for only half a day.

Zovirax for the cold sore stops it devolping to dinner plate size,but the remnants of the stye on my eye is still itchy and irritable,I bathed it again with a hot flannel and put some gel tear drops in as theye are sort of greasy they do ease the irritation for a while.

I've been looking in the garden tonight and my runner bean and sweet pea seeds that I potted are stating to break through.

That cheap tent like greenhouse that I bought from Lidl for 15 quid is marvellous,I've planted lettuce,radish,spring onions and spinnich leaves under it and hundreds of seeds are now showing in their tiny rows.

How are you Polly???you must take precautions against rats,even though you may feel appalled at the idea,if you see a rat it normally means there are plenty more around,it's their urine that is most harmful especially if you are a hands on type of gardener,perhaps you need to visit your local eviromental office for rodent treatment or advice,you can purchase traps that fully contain the rodent,though these can be expensive.

Anyway far to drear a subject,the weather is looking rather poor again typical bank holiday?

I recently watched a few good programmes on ITV catch up,why they have even got some old Jeeves and Wooster,Fry and Laurie

Glad you had a good day, Poll. Now then, digging at 6 am! I can beat that. Ben was born in Feb 1976. In the long hot summer that followed, Jan would be up at about 5 to feed him, so I would get up and go and do two hours veg gardening before I went to work. It made an incredible difference to the garden - never been dug and tended so well - and the birds! Brilliant.


That pub in Dorset - it's not in Symondsbury - just outside Bridport is it? Just wondering.....


I had a tub of bird food that wa s a sort of tub with seeds in fat. Not thinking, I put it down on the stones in the garden and, to my dismay, within a couple of hours, there were two brown rats digging into it! I threw it away and vowed not to use one of those again - now I hang up the fat balls where the rats can't get them.

Have a good weekend both of you - I'm off to watch a bit of telly then to bed with my book

Dear Rick,

I am SO pleased that you felt a little better today. That is super news. I know a really great cure for your sty! My Father swore by it. His doctor had recommended it many many years ago. And now the scientists have proved that it really works. Use your fasting saliver on it. I know it might seem very odd, but your morning saliver contains chemicals that are good.
And the best cure for dandruff (not that you have any!)? Olive oil. Again, my darling Father swore by it. And again-his doctor had advised olive oil for any scalp problems (and doctors agree with it now).

You really are living 'The Good Life', aren't you. That is marvellous. I do envy your very green fingers when it comes to vegetables.
There you are Folly~~that Lidle tent has worked perfectly!

Me?? I get very disheartened here. And with my computer etc.... But~~~~today WAS a delightful day.

Have a super weekend, dear Folly. We will 'see' you next week hopefully.

There IS something about digging in the early morning that makes the soil look really good. My back is bad again though due to it!

The pub is not there!! It's out in the Cranborne direction~sort-of!!

'Night 'Night, and God bless you and your family.

Polly