h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have known for some time that,
There is nothing finer than a cat.
Though they use us as their fools,
And we are nothing but the tools,
That open tins (and open doors).
We think they're ours, they know we're theirs,
When they go we weep and mourn,
When we go, they just move on.

You make me happy when skies are grey
by the way you smile when playing lawn croquet.
You banish the clouds whenever you give me a wink
or by sharing an inspirational quote that makes me think.

I recall 'twas a dark and stormy night
In Ultima Thule, and perhaps elsewhere.
The thunder and lightning gave us a fright.
The cat cowered under Dad's easy chair.

"We should leave Ultima Thule," Ma declared.
"So many storms, yet drought the land chokes.
The Mayor heard her. He came by and glared,
Then smiled on hearing 'twas one of Ma's jokes.

Come on and let's all yawn with the mute swan
at the break of dawn looking out to our garden lawn.
Come on and jump up and down wearing our dressing gown
as we try not to frown when thinking about getting into town.
Come on and put on a shady hat and go on a big fashion shopping spree
which will include taking brunch and afternoon tea at a cafe by the sea.
Don't worry about the traffic jams and it being so very hot
just imagine yourself sipping a long cool drink on a sailing yacht.

"There's a fly in my tea!" the spider complained.
"You usually *like* flies, said waiter Verdou.
"Yes, that is right," the spider maintained,
"But one's not enough. I need at least two."

I have a soft spot in my heart for dear halfling Bilbo
It's were I keep memories of his adventures with the band of Dwarves.
As I love reading 'The Hobbit' when sitting up a tree on a meadow
especially in the winter in the deep snow when wearing my many scarves.

I sat on the moss 'neath the old oak tree,
Watching the pool where Fair Melusa was.
She never appeared -- 'twas worrisome to me!
Was she sick? Dead? Visiting kinfolk in Oz?

Give me a second to telephone my best mate
about going to the village summer fete.
There will be a display of cricket and lawn bowls
and a demonstration on how to make spring rolls.

I will come with my guitar and Indian sitar
which I got at Camden Town bazaar from a friendly Tar.
There were fire eaters who were also doing a merry dance
and fire walkers who's hypnotic starers put everyone in a trance.

You spurn all my deepest emotions
and all my business sales promotions.
You won't even wear the tailor made shirt
that I bought you to wear at the Proms concert.

You told me that it had to be coloured blue
which I got you with a pattern of a Celtic symbol tattoo.
And that is what I got you as well as new wallet and purse.
But all you do is hop on leg whilst practising poetic verse.

My legs were akimbo, my hair was undone.
I sat on the beach, hoped to bask in the sun.
A young, gorgeous mermaid with lovely complexion
Tried selling me ovens which run by convection.

Time to ponder on the diversity and wonder of Mother Gaia
Time to reflect on the our life's purpose and it's direction.
Time to sit down and sample a dish of sliced papaya.
Time to find our animal totem and our to reinforce our psychic connection.

I sought my psychic connection in Connecticut.
My gut hurt, so I met with Admiral Farragut.
My cat hissed at me, so I got a CAT scan.
I dreamed I was a coxswain. Was I a Row man?

Site not available.
Site is not working.
I am trying my best
to post
but this is just
a test.

~jwf~

I met up with a bear full of cheer
and a wolf howling at a full moon.
who both transformed into fallow deer
as they danced with a bassoon playing baboon.

To the edge of the harbor I sailed.
I peered over the edge of the Earth.
Sea monsters grabbed at me but failed.
They had no clue how little I was worth!

Roy shouts out hoy whenever he reads about the life of Helen of Troy
and starts laughing when he listens to the chimes of Big Ben.
He gets very worked up when he cooks with food made from soy
and calms down by going and talking to Gwen who is his pet hen.

I grabbed for life's gusto, but clutched at dry leaves.
My hope drained away like water through sieves.
"Don't worry so much!" is what I told myself.
Santa added: "Connect with your inner elf."

RE what I said earlier:

>> Site not available.
Site is not working.
I am trying my best
to post
but this is just
a test. <<

Strange how when the "Site Is Offline"
as it says it is just now, I get
a message in Pliny that says:

"This page (http://www.h2g2.com/) is currently offline. However, because the site uses CloudFlare's Always Online™ technology you can continue to surf a snapshot of the site. We will keep checking in the background and, as soon as the site comes back, you will automatically be served the live version. Always Online™ is powered by CloudFlare | Hide this Alert"

And yet I can still come to this page
in Alabaster and
post this test.

Tis just, not best, but just
that these jests of test is
just about all I can dew.


~jwf~

I'm glad you come through alabaster.
It means Pliny's not yet our master.
Be patient and calm.
I have nary a qualm.
Us slowpokes can't hope to be faster.