h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Krab! I love it!!

Ta!

Only the lonely eat baloney,
as they listen to Mulroney.
Come out with Tony the pony,
who can be very phony.
Has a garden that's very stony,
where he plays pallone.

on Sunday when he's moany
he'll practice his kekome
says it makes his head less foamy
stone me!
if only!
Monday he'll be Tony
by lunch he'll still be stony
by Friday he'll feel all roamy
go find another crony!
you big dumb fake Shoshonee!!

Winston and I
walked arm in arm
through the park
the dog trailing behind
Leaves moved
suspended in air
than fell down
weaving a carpet
soft, fuzzy yellow
and brown
The wind tugged
gently at our hair
Did you see this
did you hear and saw
that
What do you think
Now listen
it wasn't quite
like that

Tony: the fony - big dunb fake Sheshonee was full of beans

If only Tony the fony big dumb fake sheshonee - hadnt eaten beans
my day would be play, but i wear a face like a bad inpression of a big black gasmask - you see
any other day-i would not sway-or gawp- but i rasp; maybe my last
today i sway, with dismay-i cry when thinking back- its past
another fony tony, sheshonee memory
another reason to greet him with fake glee
next time i will wear garlick under my tunic
and with a crusafix in each pocket
grin and wave and turn around
and hope the scream will stay down
as full pelt - down road i bound
for an imaginary bright rainbow coloured number ten routemaster bus
oh God i hope the bus conductor isnt Tony's brother Guss
but i'm stopped in my tracks with a frothy pie of pink fake glee to centre face
and Tony rushes to my side with looming armpits that block out the sun - what fun "i'm alri.....ahhhhhhhh!"-i cried
the one hunderd and two reason to greet with glee
Tony the fony big dumb fake Sheshonnee

my name is myk
i will not bite
or spike your drink
or sink - your battleships
or put holes in your sails
i like food but dont eat snails
like booze but dont drink pales
like people who can spell thier name
and not thier friends defame or maim
dont like rain - but on pastures green i'm keen
like to hear from remote corners of which thiers four i'm told
from far away places from strange named faces who often display a kiss
and all this, was here before - whats more ;its still here, for others to chance upon
this big exe (X),on treasure map - this sunkissed palm fringed island in the interOceanweb
this site, this room, this thread, this researcher-this community of kindness : this hootoo

it was the best of times
it was the worst of times
and the fog on the Tyne
was mine all mine

An example of atrociousness from the internet. It could very well have been written by Borat, the investigative journalist from Kazakhstan...but it's meant to be serious...really!

alishahnovin
2008-10-29

You are aesthetically pleasing,
the reason for which I first noticed in you.
And later I found your personality equally pleasing.
I also noted your chest to waist ratio is suitable for birthing.
Therefore, I think you should live in my house.

Shawn the sheep likes to peep at jeeps,
which make him leap when he sees anyone weep.
Creeps about when he's asleep,
and then flies into his jeep to travel to the coal heap.
But all Shawn finds is a consignment of sliced brawn,
with fawns on the lawn yawning at a swan holding a pawn.

Gerrard the bollard likes to loiter on the corner
he's been there for 20 year
he must like this street or he's just been asleep
he looks like a happy pint of beer

Maud's adventures along the way of obtaining an affordable Ford.


Maud went abroad to buy a new Ford.
It was all that he could afford.
But he got bored and bought himself a sword,
then fought for the oppressed and became adored.
Made a record and then won an award,
which made him a Lord and grew organic gourd.
Restored the lost horde of gold,
and treausres with it's wonder to behold.
But it became cold and covered in mold,
as it was foretold by the bold old Resined Fold.
So with a portion of the horde that became the reward,
for to find a way to banish the mold and the cold.
To bring the most prized treasure back to it's former glory,
and it's story will be told by Lauri and Cori.
Who are avid fans of Cori and of the dish made with John Dory .
And dined on chicken cacciatore after doing the monthly inventory.
Of counting the gold and the prized treasure at their leisure,
marking their measures at their own pleasure.

I believe that Edward Woodward would
Have relished the role of Robin Hood
The nation's wealth to Equalise
What you might Call an exercise
In taxing the rich for the common good.

I wandered lonely as a cloud


I wandered lonely as a cloud,
wearing a purple silken shroud.
Filled joy and happiness abound,
I laughed out aloud.
Heard the chimes of the village clock,
as I took my dreamy walk.
Joyous church bells were a-ringing,
and choirs of golden voices a-singing.
Children gladly playing,
full of glee and gaiety they were conveying.
What a wonderful site before my eyes,
full of wonderous surprises.
Delightful and enriching sounds that pleased my ears,
as all my sadness and fears disappeared.

i awoke , to deathly dark
no cool wind
no near dogs bark
no lights in windows
no footsteps thud
no radio
no spoken word

just me, my empty bresafast bowl
my light bathed kitchen - sun-kissed atoll

how i like quiet times like these
a lonely church -down on both knees

"breakfast bowl"

oh me! oh my! I didn't want to die
But what does make me cry!
is how did I write this then ??

if i was dead i'd haunt you
but im not
so pick up the phone
so's i can moan;
at you lot

oh well i understand
no one love me
i've been banned
from civil folk
i'll carry my yolk
off down the pub