h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have been to night classes to learn how to speak Shoshone,
with the help of my dear cronies Maloney, Baloney and Tony.
For my endeavours they bought a hi-fi made by Sony,
and a supply of my favourite sausage bologna.
I have also learnt how to speak Cheyenne,
and their ways from a wise man.
I have even been on my first vision quest,
which I have been put to the test.
Where I was blessed with much zest and let my spirit rest.
Been inside a sweat lodge with impurites it dislodge,
and meditated and found true inner knowledge.
Had my medicine wheel with me and it will help me to heal,
and deal with my problems and learn how to feel.
I will also help me find my animal guide that I will confide,
and teach me truths from far and wide as cross the great divide.

I don't do poetry.
If I do,
My friends have a go at me!

No reason.

No rhyme,

No time.


NO.

Sue plays snooker with her magical cue,
that she found when visited the planet Baku.
It's made of yew and bamboo with leather from a shoe,
and it also has attacked to it a detachable kazoo.
Which she plays when she rests and eating fondoo,
or when she is practising kung fu.

I dont do friends

I wish i coowd

But then i'd have to stop bean ruude!!!!!

Once upon a time
Blah Blah Blah
Add a common rhyme
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Verse is killed by cliché
Thoughtless - too easy,
Boring till the cows come home
And then some

I have a magic wand,
that I found in my pond.
Which turned me into a blonde,
fond of almonds and junk bonds.

First I was afraid
that I won't make the grade.
Kept thinking I could never learn to dive
or even dance the jive with Clive.
But I spent so many times with Dwight
laughing at him in flourescent pink tights.
That were so bright that they attracted sprites.
I went to Hong Kong, dressed in my sarong,
to sing my banquet song.
Watched Jack riding on a yak,
dressed in a cloth sack.
And looked as though he came from outer space,
on the chase for lace hidden in a vase.
I just walked in to find you here full of cheer,
drinking pints of beer bought from the seaside pier.
With that grin on your face.
Then you tell me you've won the cycling race,
with the help of a drink with powdered mace.
I should have invited Jacques to listen to some rock,
even though he likes cross dressing ladies frocks.
I should have made you got to the store to get some French brie,
so that at least will have something to eat for tea.
If I had known for just one second you'd be slow to respond.
I'd gone to the shops and got a few pounds of peas and ghee.
But you had promised me you'll go and catch some cod from the river Cree.

Lofty
I must agree
She's good
As Christmas pud

Jabs

I heard some of the R4 Poetry Slam tonight. Quite amusing. But is it poetry?


Is poetry nothing but word play
Designed to raise a smile?
Or must the poet have something to say
To make a poem worthehile?

i have been onlong to long, please someone bang the the big bronze bed gong - and rouse me from this trance?

Discuss:

i have been online to long, please someone bang; the big bronze bed gong - and rouse me from this trance, by chance - is there a doctor in the house ?

is it worth my while
to smile, cast off chains of pain
will i blow away


Please add your meanings below, and i will pick the best one and claim it as my own motivation:

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Thanks Loftskywalker and Jabs for your very kind compliments.

Drink to me only with thine eyes,
and I will supply french fries.
Lets go in disguise to the Marseilles,
and surprise them with our pies.
It will mean a demise of their slender thighs,
by eating our fattening food supplies.

Here is my interpretation Loftskywalker:

I have been to so many boring committee meetings,
to listen to their endless sales beatings.
And other times I have to fill in so many forms,
endless paper work from organisations and their reforms.
But if I smile away and not take these burden seriously
will I mysteriously disappear along with all my worries.

i dissapeared today - dont know where i am - or whats for tea
i started life this morn: a quiet lawn edged with bright flowers
- but here the wind blows rain and oak trees cower
havnt seen a single soul - this while - not that i am lonely : only hungry
now i think of it, i do miss the chatter and the laughter
and the calling ( but not the snoring
- miss being boring, while others have there 15 minutes worth of fame,
i didnt conquer - but i came and listened without adding one line of mine ;
i dine alone a clone of my own peculiar light of day,
that at breakfast held me in sway -
worth the wait i think all afternoon a driven ship in full sail
the gail thats blown has died
and left me where the tide
at full hieght leaves a stretching line of logs
and empty bottles without ships- just slips
the flotsum of mind : less colourful than spiced vegetable soup

Some good 'uns there, lofty and TT.

Not that I understood 'em - you're very high-minded when you get together.

Thanks waiting4atickle.

I leave my flat every morning,
taking heed to the strategic warning.
Always to check that my front door is shut,
but I still feel panic in my gut.
So I go back and make sure it's locked,
and my neighours look at me and they always look shocked.
But the fears that if I am going to be burgled is strong,
and even though I'm wrong, I still panic and rush along.
I even worry that my flat will set alight,
which is filling me with fright.
The fear that I have forgetten to umblug my electric items,
and to try and relax with the help of my animal totems.
But it does not work and I need to take a book,
so that I can relax on the bus and look out at the brooks.
And I arrive at my destination a nervous wreck,
and with a very sore and stiff neck.
And coming back is just as bad,
trying to take my mind of my worries by writing on a note pad.
But once I've got off the bus and in my home,
I'm relieved at the end of my roam to have a natter with my friend on the phone.

please scribble on
safely home
warmed up for it
poetic skit
muscles loose
to rhyme virtues
of fantasy
and clear blue sea
fictional plays
and sun filled days
scribble on - encore - emcore