h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi There Megacheddar , you are welcome not only to read the jokes on my page, but the whole page, (if you have that much time that is)Glad to see you here anyway
Smudger.

Well.Its nice to meet you.And alo to meet some one with as good (or bad depending on which way you look at it) sense of humour as myself.And i hope to get to know you better.Right thats te serious bit out of the way.

definetly (yes i have to get the last word in)

You dont say.

actualy I do say

Well dont.

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's
pulled over by the Police. The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have
you been drinking Sir?". "Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?" "No"
replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird
in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"winkeye>


Smudger.

Im not in the right frame of mind to find that one funny.Ill read it again later.

I get it

I got it.I justb didnt find it funny.But i do now.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Smudger.

sounds like part 2 of this ( http://aandk.legendaryfrog.com/movies_tlt_w.php )(this is just a funny movie with nothing bad as are all the movies made by this guy)(unlike youtube)

A man takes his hamster to the vet....

"He's dead, I'm afraid sir" the vet told him

"Are you sure?" asked the man, "He can't be! I want a second opinion! I want you to do some tests!"

The vet opened the door and a cat came into the room. It jumped on to the table looked at the hamster, shook it's head and left again.

Then the vet whistled loudly and a labrador came in. It put it's paws on the table and, like the cat, sniffed at the hamster, then shook it's head and left the room.

"Definately dead, sir! Now that will be £300 please." the vet said.

"£300?" cried the man. "£300 just to be told my hamster is dead?"

"Well you requested the cat scan and lab report!"

Smudger.

Keep `em coming Smudger.

OK then.........

A guy was walking down the street, when he saw a sandwich on the floor with wires sticking out of it.
He grew very suspicious, and phoned the police.
When he told the woman on the other end of the phone about the sandwich with wires sticking out of it, she asked "Is it tickin`"
"No" replied the guy .... "I think it`s ham"

Smudger.

it costs about $200 for the doctor to tell you that you have a headache in the USA

Jeez! my Ex wife would have cost me a fortune, if we had lived there
Smudger.

we just take the asprin and hope it isn't nothing serios here

Same here. I don't need telling I've got a headache.

(No jokes, sorry. I just read 'em!)