h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

BTW

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,,20778414-3102,00.html

A SELF-proclaimed British multi-millionaire named Mohammed Islam who was arrested on the Gold Coast with almost $120,000 in cash is under investigation as to whether he has terrorist connections.

Queensland police yesterday refused to comment on their investigation into the man, 22, but at this stage there is reportedly no evidence to link him with terrorist activity.
Islam allegedly had $118,000 in $50 notes in a suitcase and a mobile phone concealed in his rectum when he was arrested at a Surfers Paradise bus station on Thursday night.


Brings a whole new meaning to "ring" tones

Obviously, i had to pull my first to replies. It's not fair to put too much workload on the s


Oh the sun ain't gonna shine anymore.........

I've just recounted the story of how I once met the world's unluckiest man on my PS if you want a laugh.

Get this before it's yikesed

What have a pint of Guinness and a priest got in common?


If you get a bad one, you wake up with a sore arse in the morning.

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What's black & white and tells the Pope to *flip* Off?


A Nun that's won the Lottery

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How do you know if you're in a Jew's House?

There's a fork in the sugar bowl.

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Two black women with babies at a bus stop.
One says, "Is yours teething yet?"
The other replies, "Yes, he's managed to get two stereos and a handbag this week"

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What do you call an Indian lesbian?

Minjeeta.

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It's not rape if you shout "Surprise" first.

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An old Jew wins £6million on the lottery and is celebrating with friends.
"What are you going to do with the money Jacob" asks one.
"I'm going to use half of it to tour the world and party until I die and I'm going to give the other half to Germany"
Everybody falls silent and his friend asks, "Why on earth are you giving half to the Germans after what they did to you?"
The old Jew rolls up his sleeve and says, "Well, they did give me the numbers."

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I'm allowed to tell that last joke because my grandad died in a concentration camp. He fell out of his machine-gun tower.

I've never thought of this trick to avoid the yikeser for a while.

I'll check my joke book

Thought you'd like this list of descriptions

http://www.office-humour.co.uk/jokes/4947/

I have *found* Rowley Birkin QC http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F19585?thread=3714905 Post 3

Classic Rowley

See he was at it again with his moral driving

I think i may have shot his tyres out there

Oddly, as i composed that retort i was thinking what you might say

I made a post that was a model of subtlety.

Christ on a (motor)bike.........i missed that one. I feel an explosion of morality brewing

If Christ was on a motorbike, wouldn't he have trouble changing gears? What with the holes in his feet and all.

He'd whistle a bit too, rather in the fashion of a female nudist skydiver.

I wonder if he'd be exempt the skid-lid on religious headwear grounds?

I think his thorny crown would struggle to get a Kite mark.

My name's not Mark

How utterly pathetic is this? http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F1860405?thread=3737920&show=20&skip=0#pi19 Post 11 and my old mate in post 17

I say old man, appears you've been ruffling feathers again.

How many times has that poor man got to tell you he's never spoken to you, never read your posts, and never will, before you get the message?

Also, if you are intent on entering my space from now on, will you wait to be invited, you quite startled me

The yikeser is back at work, and has been spreading his brand of morality far and wide among the Hootoo community. I'm compiling a profile of him from the posts he's yikesed.

So far i've got; He's from Lancashire, is a royalist, doesn't like poetry (especially German poetry) and has a very deep seated fear of bum-fun.
I think his mother (Gracie Fields) may have been startled by a Homosexual Bolshevik strolling minstrel while she was carrying him. Prompting his immediate birth, whereupon he fell on his head.
It's not perfect yet, but i'll keep you informed.

If that guy cracked a smile, he'd get sh!t on his teeth.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Well i've been reading with interest the on-going discussion on the cat skinning entry, and i see sense has prevailed, and it's been allowed.

I also see you've made one of our favourite yikesers stomp off in high dudgeon.(Makes you wonder who originally yikesed it, doesn't it?) You DO know he's a control freak who won't let this lie and will now attempt to yikes your every comment?
Just thought i'd let you know. I've got friends in his camp who will report back if the puerile little numpty starts crowing about it off site.