h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

thanks hun... dad goes in a few hours. cant stand it. matt blew me out for the xmas ball and made me cry like he always does. maybe thats a good thing.

I wish I had some helpful words to say... I know you are a beautiful person in every way... you shouldn't be feeling so down...

*strokes his kitten*

hjux,isgsdyugfsdhsdcsdnj - thouhgts in my head

I know the feeling... Is it so bad you should talk to your doctor? I don't want you to start self harming again...

i keep wanting to SI but then i tell myself that id be messing up even more then and that i have to stop it. I know i should be my doc, but everytime i almost do i think im not really that bad or that when i go they're wont b owt wrong and i'll be laughed at for complaining about modd swings.

You clearly need some support hunni... You've been so strong and done so much for yourself on your own... Please have a chat with the for me, for yourself...

Love and Hugs...

Its hard. I feel like an idiot. Besides - i dont want to take pills and i don't want a therapist so... whats the point. Id ratehr live with it.

Do what thou shalt.

Ive booked an appointment for January. Depending on how i am then, i might or might not go...

Good...

im back. dont suppose i was missed.

I just figured you weren't talking to me anymore.

oh. sorry. I was - but i didnt comeo n line properly for a few weeks... why wudnt i be talking to you?

Bored with talking to me as I'm lame and dull to talk to, you've changed or I've changed so that talking isn't so that talking to me isn't something you want to do anymore or you don't like me anymore because you've realised what a sad, pathetic, stupid, boring and lame person I am. Lot's of reasons why you wouldn't want to talk to me.

and there all balderdash... i do want to talk to you. You're a very interesting person and you make me look into myself. thanks for being there. id have a baby in a week or two... oh g-d...

Tell me whats going on underneath hunni. I know you will keep on soldiering on with a game face to cover the pain that's going on inside. I don't think I can make that pain go away. What I want to know is are you torturing yourself, not allowing yourself to stop thinking about the abortion because you think you deserve to hurt or if you feel some *irrational* guilt. I say irrational because what you did weas not wrong. You had real and valid reasons. All the more valid perhaps given that you may have been a single mother if had continued with it and I can tell you from my mother's experiance just how effing hard that is or you could have been trapped in a relationship with someone that didn't love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Love and hugs...

I dont know... matt asked me the same thing. Im trying to get it all down on paper like last time. Can i post that to you when its done? Its not that i think it was wrong, just, i destroyed the most innocent thing alive.

Of course you can...
You did the right thing for yourself by having a termination. What was lost was a collection of cells not a being. You are a complete being. You are not a bad person for having an abortion. You will always feel sadness, pain and regret when you think of what you did. But this unending torturing of yourself must end, yes a baby is a precious thing, but you have to stop critising yourself for aborting it. I don't know how you will but it must be done.