Journal Entries
my first trip to a scottish psychiatric ward
Posted Oct 31, 2005
oh yes. i was an inpatient. about a week after my last post, my doctor referred me because i wasn't doing well enough just on medication. they wouldn't let me out until my mom flew out and they were assured i'd have a babysitter. since then i've been recovering ok i guess. i mostly feel disoriented and paranoid about the future. but at least i can function. i can finally post the computer now, apparently. stupid as it sounds, it scared me for a while.
anyway
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Latest reply: Oct 31, 2005
My first trip to a scottish emergency room
Posted Aug 15, 2005
That's a dire sounding subject, sorry. I don't know why, but this is hard to post.
So for the last couple months, stupid things have make me anxious, like riding on a plane, but now even more stupid things. Like last week I tried a new mouthwash and went I had it in my mouth was suddenly terrified that it was going to kill me and spat it out and rinsed furiously. The last few days I've had really frightening physical symptoms; feeling like I can't breathe, dizziness, racing heart, adrenaline rushing, etc. It was so bad last night that I finally just took a taxi to the A&E (accident and emergency, yes?) because, as stupid as it sounds, I was worried I might die.
So it wasn't very busy, and everyone was very nice. The doctor indulged m worries and took some physical tests so he could, for example, show me a print out that showed my blood oxygen at 100%. I was not, in fact, going to suffocate. He told me that most likely I was having another depressive episode and told me to see a GP in the morning for help.
So I tried to find a GP in Kirkcaldy. Everyone here is full, so I just said 'f*ck it' and went to my old surgery. Long story short, I just finally lost it and I've been put on antidepressants. I'm to see him again in a week, and to call if I get worse.
I'm both relieved and disappointed. I'm glad there's nothing about my body that's dying. I've had 2 major depressions and I made it through. The bad part is that it had been 4 years since the last one, and this one didn't seem to have any obvious cause. It must be a lot of little problems. I also don't remember feeling so terrified, but then when I try to recall the other ones, I had family to babysit me 24/7 and now if something goes wrong, I can only pray that it's when James is home.
Anyway, I need to stop writing because I'm feeling really anxious.
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Latest reply: Aug 15, 2005
owieee owie stupid oww
Posted Aug 12, 2005
Well..today didn't go as planned. I was scraubbing out the bathtub, thinking a nice bath might soothe nerves that were already frayed, when I bent in a wierd position. I felt a popping electrical pain in my lower back, and collapsed. I've been totally pathetic ever since. Fortunately, I was able, though very painfully, to crawl to the bathrrom door to unlock it and tell my son to get the phone. Even more fortunately, Njan was willing to come home. I managed to lie down, the kids brought me pillows and a book, and I laid there for a couple hours. At one point the need to use the bathroom was unbearable. Luckily, the tub and the toilet are really close together so I could use my arms to hoist myself up. My poor little girl had to help with my clothes though 
Finally James got home and we managed to get me to bed by him sliding a dining room chair across the floor for me to bear my weight on with my arms. We must have been a sight..
I wasn't terrified, as the situation may have warranted, for two reasons. One, no part of my body was numb. So while I was unable to crawl or stand, I dont think there's any permanent nerve damage. Two, this happened a couple times 4 years ago. I'm starting to be suspicious of bathtubs 
--the time I remember I was taking Joseph out of the bath. I was lucky and didn't hurt him when I fell, but dragging him and myself to the living room on my tummy was no small feat. One of those times I would have seen a doctor, and he prescribed Vioxx..isn't that drug illegal now??? 
So. Now I've been in pain for like 7 hours. Neither tylenol nor advil help. I was hoping that sa advil is an anti-inflammatory that it would, but no luck. It doesn't help that my mobility is limited. I think I'll wait it out overnight. If I'm not improved by tomorrow, I dunno. I think I'd have to call an ambulance so I could be carried down the two flights of stairs. How embarrassing. 
In any case, once I'm better, I'm going to make good on my threat to join some sort of activity that will help with flexibility and posture. Since my back just freaked out, I'm not sure yoga would be good. Any suggestions would be most welcome. Perhaps I'll start with a light stretching routine at home and working on eliminating my bad posture habits. And definitely bending over properly when scrubbing the tub...
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Latest reply: Aug 12, 2005
british water gave me the rot
Posted Aug 11, 2005
Or something. Do you people not flouridate the water here? I took a good long look inside my mouth today, and discovered in the last year *something* has taken a huge toll on the health of my gums. I admit most likely it's stress, being on the pill, not taking care of myself, but jeez. *sigh* Two of my back teeth and gums look not-so-great. I'm curious why it's so localized though.. Hopefully, it's not progressed so much that a good scaling and course of antibiotics won't get things turned around. I hope. I do so hate going to the dentists. The American obsession with seeing those people is vastly overstated in my case. So now, if you would be so kind as to help me figure this out:
1. I understand that the NHS doesn't pay for adult dental care, right? Or is it that it's in the NHS system, but you pay fees.
2. If it's an NHS thing, what are the fees like? Is there a chance in hell of finding a dentist who is taking new clients?
3. So say private is the way to go. What are the fees like? Is there a chance in hell of finding a dentist who is taking new clients? *s morbidly*
Any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated..I hate my funk-nasty mouth 
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Latest reply: Aug 11, 2005
Lazy or Innovative..you decide.
Posted Aug 10, 2005
There are no clean bowls this morning. Leave me alone, I didn't wanna finish the dishes last night. So, the kids come in and indicate the problem. I consider getting up, but instead tell them to go into the kitchen and find the silliest thing they can to put their cereal in. Joseph picked a ceramic dip bowl. Nyssa chose a plastic measuring/pouring thing with a long handle.
Oh, what. It's not like I told them to wash their own bowls.
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Latest reply: Aug 10, 2005
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Haylle (Nyssabird) ? mg to recovery
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